An account of Jeeves' trip to Las Vegas latterly in the service of Mr tikay.

[tikay]

The Virgin flight today landed at 13.46, and arrived at the gate at 13.52.

Not too bad.

[dwayne110]

Hope you enjoy yourself out there Tikay, make time for some fun ( PLO tournies!) outside of work commitments

[pleno1]

Lol!

[tikay]

Hope you enjoy yourself out there Tikay, make time for some fun ( PLO tournies!) outside of work commitments

I will, thank you.

The trip is split into 3 parts for me.

1) A private non-poker holiday for around 10 days, only interrupted by 2 poker days.

2) Playing (personal) & blogging (for work) for around 3 weeks.

3) Then, from June 28th, working with the Sky Poker TV Crew, & helping to look after the Sky Poker Vegas qualifiers, of which there are 35 this year.

[Jeeves]

The joys of modern wifi

Greetings from flight Virgin Atlantic 43

I am currently over Iceland, the advance party for the Thames Ditton raid on Nevada that starts tomorrow on this very flight when my Master embarks for his stay in Las Vegas and California

Truth to tell, i was reluctant to turn my phone back on. When i did so i had 14 - FOURTEEN - text messages from My master. to give you the first few....

"Jeeves, the Virgin flight arrived at McCarron 13.42 on Monday, 13.50 yesterday, & should land 13.39 today"

"Jeeves, The Virgin flight today landed at 13.46, and arrived at the gate at 13.52."

and then another.

"not too bad"

i replied to none, but have just received another note

"You are due to arrive today at 13.41 PDT. According to my flight algo Jeeves this will be nearer 13.52 PDT because of headwinds"

So, at the very least, on arrival i will be an expert on flight Virgin Atlantic 143 and by the time My master meets me tomorrow in the Binions poker room (where unbeknownst to him i have purchased a fair coloured wig, grown some stubble and availed myself of one of his flat caps and scarves from his ante-chamber in Thames Ditton so as to play the first two levels for him covertly) i will be able to regale him with algorhytmic tales. Its called getting my own back

So, before i return my attention once more to the charming Cassandra who is flight attending, and before i head for the Holiday Inn Express Las Vegas South for a night before queueing from 8am tomorrow outside Binions here was a quick picture i took of Master's residence on arrival for my overnight stay, replete with £50,000 in my back pocket from my unexpected return to  Budapest and back on a day trip

Click to see full-size image.

   

A modest abode and i made myself comfortable in the servant's wing on the right once i had packed for the Master's trip, cooked his fresh cod loins and tried to appear interested as we watched box sets of "Bridges and Aqueducts of Central America" on Blu-Ray. Fortunately, my master fell asleep before i did, allowing an uncontroversial exit

i have just received another message this time from my other master

"Finished day 1 of The 5k with  50,600, longggggg day Jeeves. Feel very good though, some fun hands for the blog later in the week. Had wcgrider and Martin Jacobson at the table. Day 2 tomorrowand remember to bring my £50k met. got to see john black now, you know the fella from MK who thinks he can play. Can't though."

it could, as a man between two tools, sorry stools, be a long few weeks

at this point in time the prospect of that £50k making it through night 1 at olympic gardens, Crazy horse too and the rest looks somewhat remote

"Cassandra, more champagne please......"

 

[tikay]

Jeeves, it is VIR43, NOT VIR143.

Left the gate at 11.32 this morning, but was taxiing for 14 minutes before taking off.

https://uk.flightaware.com/live/flight/VIR43/history/20150528/1020Z/EGKK/KLAS

Don't forget I have two flights booked on SouthWest Airlines, one from Vegas to LA, the other from San Diego to Vegas. 

Southwest Airlines is vey interesting, in that Michael O'Leary spent 6 months there learning the trade from a chap named Herbie Kelleher. It was Herbie who first came up with the idea of Budget Carriers using regional airports rather than "hub & spoke".


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herb_Kelleher


Michael O'Leary, of course, went on to became GOAT in both Ryanair & horse racing, & is much admired by the likes of Camel.


Cracking livery, I always think. This is a Boeing 737-800, the only make & variant they fly - Ryanair copied this, too, so they are both "one model" Airlines, & both immensely successful. 

Click to see full-size image.

[Jeeves]

text just sent.

Sir

As requested I am at Binions.

First in the queue for the $220 at 4pm so as to secure your entry

It is now 1.30am

Don't be late

Jeeves

[shipitgood]

Lol quality #jeevessummer

[SuuPRlim]

my favorite time of the year, was highlight of my poker life being assisted out of the Rhinoceros Zoo by Jeeves back in 2012

[Jeeves]

Ping Ping

It was getting rather hot behind my tikay mask at Binions

We were in level 5 of the poker tournament, and things were going well. Knocked out a few players, chip leader. Master would be so proud

Ping Ping

I decided i had better check my text messages

"Jeeves, landed late. Problems at immigration. en route to the Rio"

i opened the next one

"Meet me there asap"

i looked down at 8-9-10-3 rainbow in the small blind in an unopened pot

A perfect starting hand in PLO8.

I decided to raise. Next to me an ageing farmer from Oklahoma looked in my direction. Quite difficult to get a read off me, in a blonde wig and mask, scarf and flat cap, but he tried nevertheless

"got a hand again, son?" he drawled

it had been a long time since i had been described son

"why yes,sir" i replied

across the table a blue rinsed lady looked up from her crotcheting

"i do love your accent, sir......."

"why thank you, ma'am" i replied, taking careful note to ascertain her lodgings and contact details prior to her departure form the scene. One never knows how these trips might pan out

as i raked in the chips (he folded A-2-K-Q face up, such was the intimiadation of the mask) i turned my attention to how to reply to the text messages

i decided as follows

"winning poker tournament sir. stop. should be finished by midnight. stop. please check in. stop. i will unpack on my arrival. stop. please stop. stop"

and sent it. the habit of sending telegrams in my butler service training ran deep. Stop.

Ping Ping

it did not take long for him to reply

"I said i had trouble in immigration Jeeves. I need you"

my reply was simpler this time

"Stop"

Ping Ping

"Jeeves I am coming to Binions. not happy"

A short time later i felt a knock on my shoulder. We were on the final table, and my opponents looked rather discombobulated when the man not the mask appeared behind me.

"Just let me finish the tournament sir. Would love a latte, if you don't mind, sir?"

with just the slightest hint of a harrumph on his part, i half turned to see my master gingerly limping towards a valet, and then he gingerly limped back

"a problem sir?" enquired, as i won another pot

"problems in immigration Jeeves. I said i had $9,900 but they found another $390 Jeeves....."

i raised an eyebrow beneath the mask and waited

he cleared his throat

"full body search Jeeves. We need to get to a....."

his voice fell half an octave

"pharmacist Jeeves"

i stifled a sound

and his voice fell again

"quickly, Jeeves"

twenty minutes later, i had won the tournament and the final table players (replete with my spare masks from my butler's man bag) insisted on a photograph with myself and my master. He had the good grace to smile, despite his intense pain from both my victory and his entrance into the country

Click to see full-size image.

i took the trophy, and we exited, one grimace at a time from master, and headed somewhere exciting for our first night together in Las Vegas

Click to see full-size image.

[Jeeves]

"Jeeves, hurry up, we need to be at the Nugget for 12.30pm. Tournament starts at 1pm"

I looked at the digital clock in Master's suite. I looked at master. Il ooked back at the clock

It was 8.37am

I put down the iron, carefully folded Master's towelling socks and asked Master if he would like to take his backpack today.

"Of course Jeeves. the black one with blue writing on the back. Must look like a touriast Jeeves so that all my opponents pigeonhole me as clueless at the table"

I just about stopped myself from telling him that no backpack was required and carefully packed him with the regular items

1. Rennies. two boxes

2. Beetroot. one jar

3. Pineapple chunks. Four. individually wrapped and placed in tupperware box

4. Reading glasses.

5. Directions to Starbucks

6. Wifi password for Starbucks

7  phone charger

8  Ipad

9  Spare trousers. Just in case things got too exciting

10 "Basketball for dummies". bookmark on the chapter about LeBron James

11 "bluff your way through conversations about baseball" bookmark on the chapter about Babe Ruth

An hour later and we were in an empty Golden Nugget card-room, entry number one into the day's tournament

"you can never be too careful Jeeves, always popular this tournament" and he settled back to reading about Mr James and Mr Ruth, no doubt intending to dazzle the septugenarians of the American midwest with his knowledge about all things American sports

The tournament began and Master was soon joined at the table in the packed cardroom by a gentleman appearing to wear a hooded pyjama top, prison issue slacks and blue beach shoes

An incongruous sight. He appeared to know my master, next to whom he sat, and i took a picture just in case we needed evidence about the eccentrically dressed gentleman later

Click to see full-size image.

As you can see i was positioned at regulation distance, three paces behind, one step to the left. Half an eye on the strange man, half an eye on the backpack. Beetroot was not easy to find in Las Vegas, after all

At the break i was introduced to the hooded gentleman

"You must be Jeeves" he said, proferring a hand in an accent unmistakably east-anglian.

"Yes sir" I replied "and you are?"

"Jeeves Jeeves this is Chompy" interjected my master. "Author, expert on eurovision, big brother, the impact of the draw on 5 furlong flat races at musselburgh and Peterborough united"

Never, i thought to myself, was one less posh likely to support the posh

"first time playing omaha high low Jeeves" said Chompy "four cards not two!"

i refrained from informing master's friend that i had won a competition just down the road in Binions last week and settled for a reply befitting my station, whilst fighting the urge to ask what on earth this man was thinking being seen in public in the top he was wearing

"really sir? four cards? sounds difficult sir"

"oh it is Jeeves" my master chipped in "i had A-A-K-2 double suited in the last level Jeeves and...."

my brain clicked into "pretend to listen, nod and wait for it to be over" mode

he continued "and i had to fold it pre-flop Jeeves because someone had entered the pot before me Jeeves"

the other gentleman chuckled "that makes you a chicken nugget, tikay" and chuckled louder

I looked at my shoes. Master stared at his friend. His friend soon stopped chuckling and just as he was about to change the subject they were called back to their table

sometime later, our fenland friend departed, inevitably not cashing. Sometime after that we had a rare treat, for which the card-room laid on a red carpet. Master was taking a trip to the cash desk, with a ticket for $450 on it. He had cashed.

Collecting the money, and reminding me to write the said return in our stakers book master reminded me that i needed to pack on our return to the suite

"San Diego tomorrow Jeeves. We are" his voice dropped to a halting whisper, his hands shook and he said "We...are...going...on..an...."

I waited until quite unexpected he repeated himself "We...are...going...on..an...."and then boomed "AMTRAK JEEVES!" and he jumped up and down squealing in paroxysms of delight waving a piece of paper in my face

when he stopped, he gave me the piece of paper

Click to see full-size image.

and inviting me to turn to the other side he said proudly

"drew it myself Jeeves" and puffed his chest out and pointed at the picture

Click to see full-size image.

and with that he nodded and strode out of the nugget, San Diego bound.

[MereNovice]

Excellent work Jeeves.

[atdc21]

HAHA brilliant stuff Jeeves, keep up the good work.

[Jeeves]

I was busy in the suite, vacuum cleaning the curtains with my travel vac when a text arrived from downstairs

Master had decided to perambulate the tournament floor with his camera, to take some more world class photographs

"Jeev. Buy salm shts. All cool kids hav em. Laterz dude"

I was half way through a reply that suggested that perhaps a man of 75 should not be trying to emulate the cool kids and that he didn't like alcohol anyway so what on earth was he thinking and didn't he know he would regret it when i thought better of it and simply replied

"Yes sir. I mean yes dude."

This transformation of master's life into text speak did not come naturally to me, i must say but i took to google straight away to look up "salm shts" with an eye to purchasing them for master's return

quite why my master now had a hankering for canapes i wasn't sure, let alone why all the cool kids had them, but i made a call to room service nonetheless and ordered them for that evening

another text arrived

"come down Jeev. want u to meet friendz"

Always cognisant that such networking opportunities might afford me future employment i put on my smartest uniform, rose to my full height and made my way down to the Amazon room, being careful as always not to puchase a $5,000 All american dave meal plan for the next 12 hours sustenance

i arrived in a busy room, and spotted master holding court in the distance. i walked close to them, waited for a break in the conversation and cleared my throat subtly.
Master turned

"Jeeves!" he cried effusively "come here. I want you to meet Stuart, Matt, Neil and Cos"

I looked at the rag tag bunch and the first of their number held his hand out to me

"Bopkin Hopkin. If you ever need any garden furniture custom built, Jeeves, I am your man" In his other hand he appeared to be holding a very full bag from an off-licence. He looked at me looking at the bag

"tonight's supplies Jeeves. 2 x curacao 2 x creme de menthe 6 x kopparberg and 4 x vodka. and thats just for before we go out!"

I was careful not to raise an eyebrow but inwardly was grateful for small mercies that my employer was a slightly eccentric teetotaler rather than the gentleman before me

I looked at the next man. He stuck a hand out

"Neil. Neil Giblin Jeeves, please to meet you. Jakally. Come from Belper Jeeves."

This appeared to be the most interesting thing about the man, and i moved swiftly on

"sniff sniff sniff"

the sight before me was not that becoming

An unshaven man who was not looking at all well

"Chelsea Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, chelsea, chellllllllllll" he held the first syllable of the last word

"sea sir?" i finished his chant for him  

"how did you know Jeeves?! I'm Cos. Got the flu Jeeves. No one washes their hands jeeves and i touched some chips Jeeves and now i have the novovirus Jeeves and its keeping me out of a really good open faced chinese game Jeeves and.."

I held my hand up to stop him. Already it seemed that this gentleman was rather too high maintenance for my liking and i moved on once more, wondering all the while about my master's taste in friends

The final man appeared to be Richard Fairbrass from Right said fred. In his right arm he held a dumb-bell, which he switched to his left to shake my hand

"and this Jeeves" master seemed proud "is matt"

"Hello pleased to meet you" i told him

"Strippers" he replied

"i beg your pardon?" i was taken aback

"Strip-pers" he repeated slowly, nodding slowly almost catatonically from the first syllable to the second

"well yes sir" i blustered "all in good time"

"bloody hell" said bopkin to neil "he's forgotten to take his pills again. we have to go" and with that, leading their friend gently as he muttered the one word that seemed to be in his vocabulary to every passing table

It was all deeply dippy.

"Lovely aren't they?" Master interrupted me following the progress of the four out of the room "known them for years. Gala nottingham Jeeves. the good old days"

"I have ordered the salmon for later sir"

"Coolio" responded my master

this time my eyebrow did rise a fraction, and i moved swiftly on

"see you later sir"

Back in the suite room service soon brought the salmon shots and i laid a place at the round table, alongside a slice of pineapple, two beetroots and half a tin of tomatoes.

A meal fit for a master, i thought to myself

Half an hour later the door opened and in strode my master

"Jeeves, upload this photos later and put them on my blog please. must be done before we go to mount charleston"

As i wondered who Charleston was, and did he know we were coming i heard a muffled sound from the direction of the table

"foshvbnfjhjkfwfknwklnqllkk" is an approximation

"Jeeves...." his voice trailled off as he looked at the spread before him

I decided to help

"Pineapple sir. your favourite"

he nodded

"Beetroot sir. nearly your favourite and a lovely colour, texture and taste contrast to the sweet pineapple"

he nodded more vigorously

"tinned tomaotes sir. Waitrose own brand sir. only the best for the aspiring middle class sir. red sir. thats red, yellow and purple on the same plate sir"

he nodded, the pointed at the salmon shots. his mouth opened but nothing came out



"salmon shots sir, just as you asked for in your text message"

"but..."

i remained silent waiting for the rest of the sentence

"but"

it seemed it was difficult to find the right form of words

"but"

i decided to help him out

"it was no trouble sir, happy to help. no need to thank me"

finally my master closed his mouth and sat at the table. i returned to other duties

As i did so i could not help but notice master taking several mid meal trips to the bathroom, moving sideways with his back to me on each trip. He appeared to have a salmon shot immediately on his return to the table each time, as one more was empty each time i turned to nod at master

He nodded back, a little to quickly and somewhat nervously, but all seemed to be going well

As i uploaded the photographs, one photograph struck me, but i did not know why

"Put that one up first, Jeeves"

Master had by now finished his meal and was at my shoulder

"Padpick Jeeves. Salmon Jeeves. All the cool kids have them"

and looked at me sternly

Click to see full-size image.

[booder]

The best yet.

Peerless.