Rate My Fry-up...

[Woodsey]

Pics just needed to be closer in.

[EvilPie]

I give Matt's brekky a solid 7.5 which includes a bonus point for a solid effort given he is a self confessed kitchen fish. Only thing I would reccomend is fried bread in same plate, and get a bigger plate.

Thanks Greg. Unfortunately I haven't claimed to be a kitchen fish so you may have to take a point off. I actually use my kitchen pretty much every night it just doesn't look like it

Definite breakfast fish though so maybe just knock half off?

That plate is actually quite big. There's just loads of big stuff on it which makes it appear small.

[bobAlike]

Tough crowd today.

Pictures are a great quality but followed the advice to upload to photobucket and then lose marks for the result??

Lose marks for sunday papers and lose marks for smoking??

Hopefully RED-DOG will arrive to add some sensibility to proceedings.

Good luck with that.

[EvilPie]

Tough crowd today.

Pictures are a great quality but followed the advice to upload to photobucket and then lose marks for the result??

Lose marks for sunday papers and lose marks for smoking??

Hopefully RED-DOG will arrive to add some sensibility to proceedings.

My pictures were all uploaded to photobucket and they're infinitely better so don't use that excuse. The picture quality is fine but it's like taking a perfect picture of the earth from space and saying "doesn't my house look nice down there".

I was going to buy a paper for my attempt until I saw the headlines and remembered why I haven't bought a paper for over 10 years. Personally I can take or leave the paper but as you say it's a tough crowd.

I'm sure Tom will be giving you the 10/10 that you fully deserve.

[cambridgealex]

Those who read my diary will know my Belarussian lady friend is coming to stay next month. One of her requests is to have a proper English breakfast. So with the help of this thread and the brutal, yet constructive advice of its contributors, I'll be giving it a shot.

To get me up to scratch won't be any ordinary task for you fine chaps though. You'll assume I know things that you really shouldn't. You'll assume I can do things I really can't. You'll assume my house contains ingredients it really doesn't.

Let me give you my cooking CV. In reverse chronological order:

3rd Feb 2013 - Eggy bread for Deadman, Reeves and myself in Deauville. Was in a bit of a panic. Forgot whether or not salt was required. Didn't have salt so wasn't an issue. Fucked up separating the yoke for one of the eggs. Was picking out bits of yoke from the bowl with my hands and also bits of shell from the pan. Results - polite appreciation, but think it was a bit of a botch job.

Previous cooking experience to this (this is not a joke) was Valentines day 2012. Cooked a "Risotto Carbonara" for Hannah. Required Skype help from Keith on more than one occasion with apparently laughable questions and T high had to somewhat rescue proceedings halfway through. Was extremely stressful. Results were good though - definitely a positive experience.

In 2011 I'd say Hannah and I jointly cooked 3 or 4 stir fries (don't really count as individual efforts) and then in 2010 I cooked pasta with bacon and tomato sauce a few times when absolutely the last resort in my student days.

Est total meals cooked lifetime: 15-20

I can copy ingredients from Matts recipe, but Ill need to know more details. Like whether ill need oil or butter (both i guess?) salt or pepper things like that or a toaster (not sure if we have one). I know we have a frying pan because PJ used it once for bacon.

Timings are going to be the main issue I foresee. How long does it take to do the eggs, the bacon, the fried bread etc?

Take a step back with your instructions and advice and imagine you are talking to a 9 year old girl.

I imagine a trial attempt or two will be helpful and will post pics and maybe even a video of the first attempt so you can really get to grips with what you're dealing with.

I realise what an idiot I sound like and the experience will be extremely stressful for sure, but I hope I can give her a satisfactory experience of a "blonde-approved" fry up, and give you guys a good laugh in the process

[Woodsey]

3rd Feb 2013 - Eggy bread

Not had that for frigging years, gonna have it now for my lunch, thanks for the idea.  

[Tal]

What's scary is you've just described more cooking than I've managed.

I got through uni using a George Foreman grill and a microwave. Bought potatoes and peas in tins. True story.

I know, I'm quite a catch. Good job I've got my looks.

[smashedagain]

Those who read my diary will know my Belarussian lady friend is coming to stay next month. One of her requests is to have a proper English breakfast. So with the help of this thread and the brutal, yet constructive advice of its contributors, I'll be giving it a shot.

To get me up to scratch won't be any ordinary task for you fine chaps though. You'll assume I know things that you really shouldn't. You'll assume I can do things I really can't. You'll assume my house contains ingredients it really doesn't.

Let me give you my cooking CV. In reverse chronological order:

3rd Feb 2013 - Eggy bread for Deadman, Reeves and myself in Deauville. Was in a bit of a panic. Forgot whether or not salt was required. Didn't have salt so wasn't an issue. Fucked up separating the yoke for one of the eggs. Was picking out bits of yoke from the bowl with my hands and also bits of shell from the pan. Results - polite appreciation, but think it was a bit of a botch job.

Previous cooking experience to this (this is not a joke) was Valentines day 2012. Cooked a "Risotto Carbonara" for Hannah. Required Skype help from Keith on more than one occasion with apparently laughable questions and T high had to somewhat rescue proceedings halfway through. Was extremely stressful. Results were good though - definitely a positive experience.

In 2011 I'd say Hannah and I jointly cooked 3 or 4 stir fries (don't really count as individual efforts) and then in 2010 I cooked pasta with bacon and tomato sauce a few times when absolutely the last resort in my student days.

Est total meals cooked lifetime: 15-20

I can copy ingredients from Matts recipe, but Ill need to know more details. Like whether ill need oil or butter (both i guess?) salt or pepper things like that or a toaster (not sure if we have one). I know we have a frying pan because PJ used it once for bacon.

Timings are going to be the main issue I foresee. How long does it take to do the eggs, the bacon, the fried bread etc?

Take a step back with your instructions and advice and imagine you are talking to a 9 year old girl.

I imagine a trial attempt or two will be helpful and will post pics and maybe even a video of the first attempt so you can really get to grips with what you're dealing with.

I realise what an idiot I sound like and the experience will be extremely stressful for sure, but I hope I can give her a satisfactory experience of a "blonde-approved" fry up, and give you guys a good laugh in the process

ha ha. Great post. Take her out for breakfast safest option mate.

[bobAlike]

Those who read my diary will know my Belarussian lady friend is coming to stay next month. One of her requests is to have a proper English breakfast. So with the help of this thread and the brutal, yet constructive advice of its contributors, I'll be giving it a shot.

To get me up to scratch won't be any ordinary task for you fine chaps though. You'll assume I know things that you really shouldn't. You'll assume I can do things I really can't. You'll assume my house contains ingredients it really doesn't.

Let me give you my cooking CV. In reverse chronological order:

3rd Feb 2013 - Eggy bread for Deadman, Reeves and myself in Deauville. Was in a bit of a panic. Forgot whether or not salt was required. Didn't have salt so wasn't an issue. Fucked up separating the yoke for one of the eggs. Was picking out bits of yoke from the bowl with my hands and also bits of shell from the pan. Results - polite appreciation, but think it was a bit of a botch job.

Previous cooking experience to this (this is not a joke) was Valentines day 2012. Cooked a "Risotto Carbonara" for Hannah. Required Skype help from Keith on more than one occasion with apparently laughable questions and T high had to somewhat rescue proceedings halfway through. Was extremely stressful. Results were good though - definitely a positive experience.

In 2011 I'd say Hannah and I jointly cooked 3 or 4 stir fries (don't really count as individual efforts) and then in 2010 I cooked pasta with bacon and tomato sauce a few times when absolutely the last resort in my student days.

Est total meals cooked lifetime: 15-20

I can copy ingredients from Matts recipe, but Ill need to know more details. Like whether ill need oil or butter (both i guess?) salt or pepper things like that or a toaster (not sure if we have one). I know we have a frying pan because PJ used it once for bacon.

Timings are going to be the main issue I foresee. How long does it take to do the eggs, the bacon, the fried bread etc?

Take a step back with your instructions and advice and imagine you are talking to a 9 year old girl.

I imagine a trial attempt or two will be helpful and will post pics and maybe even a video of the first attempt so you can really get to grips with what you're dealing with.

I realise what an idiot I sound like and the experience will be extremely stressful for sure, but I hope I can give her a satisfactory experience of a "blonde-approved" fry up, and give you guys a good laugh in the process

ha ha. Great post. Take her out for breakfast safest option mate.

He won't listen to you Jase.

[smashedagain]

Those who read my diary will know my Belarussian lady friend is coming to stay next month. One of her requests is to have a proper English breakfast. So with the help of this thread and the brutal, yet constructive advice of its contributors, I'll be giving it a shot.

To get me up to scratch won't be any ordinary task for you fine chaps though. You'll assume I know things that you really shouldn't. You'll assume I can do things I really can't. You'll assume my house contains ingredients it really doesn't.

Let me give you my cooking CV. In reverse chronological order:

3rd Feb 2013 - Eggy bread for Deadman, Reeves and myself in Deauville. Was in a bit of a panic. Forgot whether or not salt was required. Didn't have salt so wasn't an issue. Fucked up separating the yoke for one of the eggs. Was picking out bits of yoke from the bowl with my hands and also bits of shell from the pan. Results - polite appreciation, but think it was a bit of a botch job.

Previous cooking experience to this (this is not a joke) was Valentines day 2012. Cooked a "Risotto Carbonara" for Hannah. Required Skype help from Keith on more than one occasion with apparently laughable questions and T high had to somewhat rescue proceedings halfway through. Was extremely stressful. Results were good though - definitely a positive experience.

In 2011 I'd say Hannah and I jointly cooked 3 or 4 stir fries (don't really count as individual efforts) and then in 2010 I cooked pasta with bacon and tomato sauce a few times when absolutely the last resort in my student days.

Est total meals cooked lifetime: 15-20

I can copy ingredients from Matts recipe, but Ill need to know more details. Like whether ill need oil or butter (both i guess?) salt or pepper things like that or a toaster (not sure if we have one). I know we have a frying pan because PJ used it once for bacon.

Timings are going to be the main issue I foresee. How long does it take to do the eggs, the bacon, the fried bread etc?

Take a step back with your instructions and advice and imagine you are talking to a 9 year old girl.

I imagine a trial attempt or two will be helpful and will post pics and maybe even a video of the first attempt so you can really get to grips with what you're dealing with.

I realise what an idiot I sound like and the experience will be extremely stressful for sure, but I hope I can give her a satisfactory experience of a "blonde-approved" fry up, and give you guys a good laugh in the process

ha ha. Great post. Take her out for breakfast safest option mate.

He won't listen to you Jase.

oh yes. Please video yourself breaking the egg into the hot pan. I suspect we may see you acting like a 9 year old girl too

[EvilPie]

The trick Alex is to stick to the easy ingredients that you can't really get wrong.

Beans and tomatoes are simple so go with them.

Sausages are easy and you can cheat and oven them first to make sure they're cooked properly.

Bacon takes about 4 minutes.

Eggs take 2 minutes and you can whack them under the grill to sort the top out and avoid burning them by having to fry them too long.

Stick with olive oil. Breakfast purists won't like it but your bird probably won't like her breakfast dripping in lard. Avoid cooking in butter, it burns so is hard to deal with.

Fried bread is just a case of using a slice of bread to mop up what's in the pan when everything else is finished. Dead easy.

Make plenty of toast and have plenty of bread available. You can always leave what you don't want.

Pretty simple really.

[paulhouk03]

The trick Alex is to stick to the easy ingredients that you can't really get wrong.

Beans and tomatoes are simple so go with them.

Sausages are easy and you can cheat and oven them first to make sure they're cooked properly.

Bacon takes about 4 minutes.

Eggs take 2 minutes and you can whack them under the grill to sort the top out and avoid burning them by having to fry them too long.

Stick with olive oil. Breakfast purists won't like it but your bird probably won't like her breakfast dripping in lard. Avoid cooking in butter, it burns so is hard to deal with.

Fried bread is just a case of using a slice of bread to mop up what's in the pan when everything else is finished. Dead easy.

Make plenty of toast and have plenty of bread available. You can always leave what you don't want.

Pretty simple really.
take her out to a nice breakfast in a hotel or something

fyp

[booder]

Eggs take 2 minutes and you can whack them under the grill

Shame you didn't stick your sausages under as well.

[cambridgealex]

Thanks Matt. Just what I was looking for

I'm sure there'll be lots more questions after attempt #1 which I'll get videoed so we have something to work with.

Can't cheat and take her out - she specifically wants me to cook it for her

[leethefish]

Alex what do you eat on a daily/weekly basis surly you don't get takeaways eat out everyday ?