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Author Topic: Joke!!  (Read 314964 times)
MANTIS01
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What kind of fuckery is this?


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« Reply #705 on: October 21, 2011, 10:03:14 PM »
What's black with 2 broken arms?

Colonel Gaddafi's sunglasses.
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Tikay - "He has a proven track record in business, he is articulate, intelligent, & presents his cases well"

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GreekStein
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« Reply #706 on: October 24, 2011, 07:20:34 PM »
My wife and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."
She has filed for divorce as soon as we finished.
I guess we don't watch the same movies
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@GreekStein on twitter.

Retired Policeman, Part time troll.
bobAlike
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« Reply #707 on: October 24, 2011, 10:38:27 PM »
I went to a bulimic restaurant the other day, the place was heaving.
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Ah! The element of surprise
boldie
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Don't make me mad


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« Reply #708 on: October 27, 2011, 02:26:23 PM »
The inquest into the death of Amy Winehouse has revealed she was five times over the drink drive limit.
To be fair she did well to make it home.
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Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
Simon Galloway
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« Reply #709 on: October 29, 2011, 11:33:54 AM »
Louis Walsh said his heart is all over the place following the news that Westlife are to split.

However, his penis is definitely still in one direction.
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https://www.rocketmiles.com/refer/SIMONGALLOWAY22
Girgy85
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« Reply #710 on: October 29, 2011, 01:56:10 PM »
Son said to father, dad I'm gay. Dad said to other son, what about you? Son said I'm gay too dad. Dad said fuck me doesn't anyone in this family like fanny ? Daugher said, I do.
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Best poster Girgy IMO - Mantis

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Think Girgy has shown the best leopard instincts in this thread and would prob survive best in the wild. Eye of the tiger that fella - Mantis

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ManuelsMum
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« Reply #711 on: October 29, 2011, 05:57:32 PM »
Quote from: Girgy85 on October 29, 2011, 01:56:10 PM
Son said to father, dad I'm gay. Dad said to other son, what about you? Son said I'm gay too dad. Dad said fuck me doesn't anyone in this family like fanny ? Daugher said, I do.

lol Cheesy

Will never forget the look on my dad's face when he found out my boyfriend was gay.
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When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me i didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.
J Lennon
Girgy85
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« Reply #712 on: October 29, 2011, 06:11:27 PM »
Called in to see my dydlexic friend earlier, he was putting black shoe polish on his penis ! I said " you daft bugger you're supposed to turn your clock back ! "
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Best poster Girgy IMO - Mantis

Girgy is my new hero! - Evilpie

Think Girgy has shown the best leopard instincts in this thread and would prob survive best in the wild. Eye of the tiger that fella - Mantis

Girgy is a m'fkn machine - Daveshoelace
Dingdell
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« Reply #713 on: October 30, 2011, 09:50:26 AM »
My local hospital is holding a competition for the worst skin condition. They are calling it the Xma factor.
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SirPerceval
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« Reply #714 on: October 31, 2011, 08:00:25 PM »

A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,

when behind him he hears:

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him

FASTER...

FASTER...

BUMP...

BUMP. ..

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything,
but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at it...



and,


(hopefully you're really ready for this!!!)

























The coffin stops!
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zerofive
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« Reply #715 on: November 06, 2011, 12:17:17 PM »
If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test?
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ManuelsMum
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« Reply #716 on: November 06, 2011, 07:41:27 PM »
.
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When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me i didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.
J Lennon
RED-DOG
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« Reply #717 on: November 07, 2011, 12:59:14 AM »
I was going to throw my socks away but I got cold feet.
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The older I get, the better I was.
mulhuzz
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« Reply #718 on: November 07, 2011, 05:54:53 AM »
Quote from: ManuelsMum on November 06, 2011, 07:41:27 PM
.

    
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rex008
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« Reply #719 on: November 07, 2011, 09:13:23 AM »
Quote from: mulhuzz on November 07, 2011, 05:54:53 AM
Quote from: ManuelsMum on November 06, 2011, 07:41:27 PM
.

    

Yes indeedy. Took me a minute tho. That one's going around the office - we're mostly nerdy chemical engineers, so it will get some chortles Smiley.
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"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." - Douglas Adams
The secret to a happy life - "Never pass up a chance to have sex or appear on television." - Gore Vidal
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