Prose from a Poshboy

[cambridgealex]

Alex, when you are feeling low/shitty beating yourself up do you ever go home and seek the advice of your parents have a real good heart to heart?

None of my business really just wondered if you seeked input from people 'outside' the poker world.

No cos it's not a problem that really needs advice. I know the answers, it's just a case of dealing with it. It's nice to have a girl to talk to sometimes lol, guys aren't really much good for that sort of thing. Victoria has turned into someone I talk to everyday and is the person I "go to" if I wanna talk about anything now.

[jgcblack]

Alex, when you are feeling low/shitty beating yourself up do you ever go home and seek the advice of your parents have a real good heart to heart?

None of my business really just wondered if you seeked input from people 'outside' the poker world.

No cos it's not a problem that really needs advice. I know the answers, it's just a case of dealing with it. It's nice to have a girl to talk to sometimes lol, guys aren't really much good for that sort of thing. Victoria has turned into someone I talk to everyday and is the person I "go to" if I wanna talk about anything now.

Without meaning to sound strange, do you think the different types of poker have different effects on your emotions?

E.g. Do you take live downswings on cash well, but struggle with mtt's?? How does your game  selection change as a result?

Or do you just play what U feel like?

I ask because I find 'live' cash for me has become easier after getting used to online variance and a better understanding of winrates.  However I've played so few mtt's that I just feel like im always meant to lose in them...

Make sense?

[smashedagain]

If it's any consolation, I write several posts every week, on a variety of subjects, and then decide it's best to press 'delete' instead of 'post'

We can but dream!

Was just about to post "If only Vinny employed that strategy more often."

i delete possibly 25% of the posts I draft that I find funny but when reading back maybe a little close to the bone. Obv post stuff I regret still but if its how I feel at the time then so be it.

[david3103]

Alex, when you are feeling low/shitty beating yourself up do you ever go home and seek the advice of your parents have a real good heart to heart?

None of my business really just wondered if you seeked input from people 'outside' the poker world.

No cos it's not a problem that really needs advice. I know the answers, it's just a case of dealing with it. It's nice to have a girl to talk to sometimes lol, guys aren't really much good for that sort of thing. Victoria has turned into someone I talk to everyday and is the person I "go to" if I wanna talk about anything now.

Without meaning to sound strange, do you think the different types of poker have different effects on your emotions?

E.g. Do you take live downswings on cash well, but struggle with mtt's?? How does your game  selection change as a result?

Or do you just play what U feel like?

I ask because I find 'live' cash for me has become easier after getting used to online variance and a better understanding of winrates.  However I've played so few mtt's that I just feel like im always meant to lose in them...

Make sense?

@JB You're asking Alex if it makes sense to think that you're meant to lose in MTTs? How much empathy do you think one man can have?

[cambridgealex]

If it's any consolation, I write several posts every week, on a variety of subjects, and then decide it's best to press 'delete' instead of 'post'

We can but dream!

Was just about to post "If only Vinny employed that strategy more often."

i delete possibly 25% of the posts I draft that I find funny but when reading back maybe a little close to the bone. Obv post stuff I regret still but if its how I feel at the time then so be it.

you should up it to 95% imo

[RED-DOG]

If it's any consolation, I write several posts every week, on a variety of subjects, and then decide it's best to press 'delete' instead of 'post'

We can but dream!

Was just about to post "If only Vinny employed that strategy more often."

i delete possibly 25% of the posts I draft that I find funny but when reading back maybe a little close to the bone. Obv post stuff I regret still but if its how I feel at the time then so be it.

you should up it to 95% imo

zinnnnngggggg!

[smashedagain]

If it's any consolation, I write several posts every week, on a variety of subjects, and then decide it's best to press 'delete' instead of 'post'

We can but dream!

Was just about to post "If only Vinny employed that strategy more often."

i delete possibly 25% of the posts I draft that I find funny but when reading back maybe a little close to the bone. Obv post stuff I regret still but if its how I feel at the time then so be it.

you should up it to 95% imo

[zerofive]

Nailed it, Ed

Good. Invoice is in the post.

Ed Gascoigne is posting gold at the minute.

[nirvana]

Nailed it, Ed

Good. Invoice is in the post.

Ed Gascoigne is posting gold at the minute.

Yep, it was a really good post, it made me realise that I have more empathy than most as I'm feeling very sympathetic to Alex's plight. It must be hard when you #lovethegame but hate the game, i'm in a spin but I'll have you in my prayers tonight

[outragous76]

An interesting tale of variance too! Now this is a bad sporting beat

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/olympics/21159104

[Honeybadger]

Alex, when you mentioned you had been 'sin-binned' I thought you had been warned by the moderators over something and were thus stopping your diary in protest! Hence my WTF comment.

As regards the variance thing, and not loving the game so much... it is when players go through these tough psychological periods that we see whether they really have got what it takes to make it long-term as a professional poker player. Poker is about far more than playing your cards well, and the most important attribute in determining whether you succeed long-term is psychological strength. I don't care how good a player appears to be - I never judge that person as being 'good at poker' until I know he has stared into the abyss and survived the experience whole.

I have been through these periods personally many times, and have observed others going through them many times too. It always follows the same pattern. You feel as if you have plateaued, and in fact that you are regressing. You lose confidence, intensity and focus. You have no momentum. You no longer play with joy. It is tough, really tough.

But in fact it is a GOOD THING that you are going through this period. Honestly it is. You will discover more about yourself as both a poker player and a person than you ever did when you were running good and finding it easy to love the game. And although it will often feel like you have plateaued, this period will actually be one of intense learning, growth and improvement for you - it just won't feel like this at the time. This is your opportunity to excel when things get tough. And this is the time when you get to prove to yourself that you can really do this poker thing. Thus, in a sick sort of way, you should be pleased that you are currently going through this stage in your poker life.

FWIW, I suspect that you do have what it takes. I don't think that about many people.

[kinboshi]

More compliments by Stuart behind someone's back...

[tikay]

Or, in short, a bit of adversity shows your mettle, cometh the hour & all that. Adversity is a terrific litmus test of strength of character.

As to not "feeling it" to Post sometimes, best not to force it. You write well, but there is no point in Posting for the sake of it, it is very transparent when folks do that & devalues their overall content.

Sin-binned indeed. As if. I've been moinitoring the View & Post Counts since the Diaries moved across, & whilst it is early days, there has been no drop in either, & this thread remains very near the top of the current "Most Viewed".   

[Killer River]

Eds post was spot on! should be a life coach!

I would say to become a true poker player you have to experience the good with the bad, its all about the test of time. Some people start of really lucky and then find the down swing which I think must be more difficult to handle than the other way round. But its all about going through theses emotions to build a stronger character so when you experience the hard times again you have knowledge and experience to deal with it better IMO.

But I think the one thing you cant control is the fire for the game either you have that or not. And that's what separates the great players here to stay and the ones that come and go. Eg Phil Hellmuth for me is a prime example of a fire that doesn't burn out (would be nice if you could bottle it ) plus he has adapted his game through the times and is always willing to learn new techniques. Was so close myself from getting a coaching lesson from the man himself, it was a winner takes all comp and finished 3rd where someone slow rolled, time banked me. Not a brag because I didn't win lol

Gl with 2013 and please keep the diary going its a great read Alex.

[Tal]

I think there's a Buddhist proverb that goes something along the lines of...

A great man is not judged in daylight, but in the hours of darkness through which he must first come.