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Author Topic: Things that piss you off!  (Read 411520 times)
Chompy
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« Reply #2550 on: September 21, 2017, 08:33:56 PM »

Hayley Turner's voice sounding as though her battery is dying at the end of every sentence.

For sure, gone from sexy to annoying.

The screechy bird who does the voiceover for The Health Lottery wins the races though.
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« Reply #2551 on: September 21, 2017, 08:37:34 PM »

Hayley Turner's voice sounding as though her battery is dying at the end of every sentence.

The bird you fancy from across the room. You go to chat her up. Then she opens her gob....

See ya.

Was it Fran?  (First clip - couldn't find the full scene on its own).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gzx33O65ZdQ

Edit:  Should add NSFW due to boobage.
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« Reply #2552 on: September 21, 2017, 09:15:35 PM »

Hayley Turner's voice sounding as though her battery is dying at the end of every sentence.

The bird you fancy from across the room. You go to chat her up. Then she opens her gob....

See ya.

Was it Fran?  (First clip - couldn't find the full scene on its own).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gzx33O65ZdQ

Edit:  Should add NSFW due to boobage.

What a great film. Haven’t seen this for years, may just have to dl a copy
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« Reply #2553 on: September 21, 2017, 09:55:46 PM »

Plastic fivers and tenners. Too slippery and wont straighten after you crease Them.

They remind me of Izal toilet paper, that wasn't fit to wipe your arse on either.
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« Reply #2554 on: September 21, 2017, 11:26:54 PM »

People who don't follow instructions and then kick off when things go awry and it's everybody else's fault.
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Ah! The element of surprise
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« Reply #2555 on: September 21, 2017, 11:39:47 PM »

People who don't follow instructions and then kick off when things go awry and it's everybody else's fault.


I followed some instructions that said 'Pierce ear then stand in boiling water for 10 minutes'

I was in agony for weeks.
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« Reply #2556 on: September 21, 2017, 11:54:45 PM »

People who don't follow instructions and then kick off when things go awry and it's everybody else's fault.


I followed some instructions that said 'Pierce ear then stand in boiling water for 10 minutes'

I was in agony for weeks.

But at least you the followed instructions.
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« Reply #2557 on: September 22, 2017, 12:08:03 AM »

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

 

On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
Serving suggestions: Defrost.

Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert:
Do not turn upside down.

On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.

On most brands of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

On a Swedish chain saw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

On a toboggan:
Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.

On a knife sharpener:
Caution: knives are sharp.

On shin pads for cyclists:
Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

On a take away coffee cup:
Caution: Hot beverages are hot.

Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp:
In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood proceed uphill quickly.

In a microwave oven manual:
Do not use for drying pets.

On the back of a pilot's seat in a Nato aircraft:
Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.

On the bottom of a cola bottle:
Do not open here.

On a Harry Potter wizards broom:
This broom does not actually fly.

On a box of aspirin:
Do not take if allergic to aspirin.

On a bottle of laundry detergent:
Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.

On a muffin packet:
Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

In a kettle instruction manual:
The appliance is switched on by setting the 'ON/OFF' button to the 'ON' position.

On a ketchup bottle:
Instructions: Put on food.

On a bottle of rum:
Open bottle before drinking.

A car park sign:
Entrance only. Do not enter.

A sign in a street in Hong Kong:
Beware of people.

Rules on a tram in Prague:
Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.

Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA:
Take care: new non-slip surface.

On a can of air freshener:
For use by trained personnel only.

On a bottle of baby lotion:
Keep away from children.

On a pair of socks bought in egypt:
Do not wash.

On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle:
Some assembly required.

On a can of pepper spray used for self defense:
May irritate eyes.

On a Frisbee:
Warning: may contain small parts.

In a car handbook:
In order to get out of car, open door, get out lock doors, and then close doors.

On a packet of cashew nut pieces:
Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.

Directions for mosquito repellant:
Replacing battery: replace old battery with a new one.

On a birthday card for a one year old:
Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.

In a hotel bedroom:
Please do not turn on TV except when in use.

In a lift in a Japanese hotel:
Push this button in case anything happens.

On a toilet cleaning brush:
Do not use orally.

On a can of Spray paint:
Do not spray in your face.

On a TV remote:
Not Dishwasher safe.

On a blowtorch:
Not used for drying hair.

On a washing machine inn a launderette:
No small children.

On a bottle of hair dye:
Do not use as Ice Cream topping.

On a push along lawn mower:
Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.

On a box of fireworks:
Do not put in mouth.

On the packaging for a wrist watch:
Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.

In a dishwasher manual:
Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.

On a toaster:
Do not use underwater.

On a mattress:
Do not attempt to swallow.
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« Reply #2558 on: September 22, 2017, 12:09:24 AM »

Plastic fivers and tenners. Too slippery and wont straighten after you crease Them.

They remind me of Izal toilet paper, that wasn't fit to wipe your arse on either.

Can't iron out the creases like old money either
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« Reply #2559 on: September 22, 2017, 12:40:31 AM »

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

But 'generally' they are sensible things to or not to do?

I am intrigued by this one though?

'On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.'

I really want to know what the other use is?
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Ah! The element of surprise
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« Reply #2560 on: September 22, 2017, 09:47:44 AM »

Amazing instructions
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« Reply #2561 on: September 22, 2017, 11:09:03 AM »

The instructions on Sainsbury's macaroni cheese have always amused me.

Remove cardboard sleeve, pierce film covering in several places and place in a pre-heated oven - stir half way through cooking!
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« Reply #2562 on: September 22, 2017, 11:28:08 AM »

Those big lists of things people post on the internet that don't exist outside big lists of things people post on the internet.

Spoilsports on the internet!  police



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« Reply #2563 on: September 25, 2017, 12:10:41 PM »

Modern soap. After a couple of days it has the consistency of phlegm, all it is fit for is blocking the waste pipes.

Years ago soap came in hard blocks that lasted for months at a time, it was squash resistant and virtually waterproof.

I don't think you actually washed with it in the true sense of the word, it was more like using it as a sanding block to wear the dirt away.
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« Reply #2564 on: September 25, 2017, 12:15:16 PM »

Modern soap. After a couple of days it has the consistency of phlegm, all it is fit for is blocking the waste pipes.

Years ago soap came in hard blocks that lasted for months at a time, it was squash resistant and virtually waterproof.

I don't think you actually washed with it in the true sense of the word, it was more like using it as a sanding block to wear the dirt away.


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