An account of Jeeves' trip to Las Vegas latterly in the service of Mr tikay.

[tikay]

Brilliant!

[MereNovice]

You never fail to give me a lift Jeeves.
Thank you.

[Claw75]

What news old boy?

[Jeeves]

"Jeeves Jeeves Jeeves JEEVES"

I was standing in the middle of the Brasilia Room, a few paces away from my master whilst he spoke to some Sky Poker, slashed guarantees in summertime, regulars

"JJJJJJJJJJJJJEEEEEEEEEEEEEVES"

My master was screeching so loudly that the room was becoming disturbed

"Yes sir" I replied calmly

"That woman" - he pointed at a lady in a claret and blue top with a tattoo of Danny Ings' left thigh on her arm

I raised an eyebrow, I was not sure that Master should be associating with the flotsam and jetsam emanating from Lancashire cotton towns, no doubt transported here on package holidays from Manchester airport, which i have always contended would be a higher class establishment if it were renamed Cheshire (Alderley Edge and Wilmslow) Airport, but I let him continue

"That woman..."

He could barely breathe, and was stamping his feet in excitement

What could be this matter of great import

"thinks Barnstaple is near Luton"

I stood and tried to form the correct words for this stunning revelation. Years of training found the right phrase, as My master waited expectantly   

"She is mistaken sir, Barnstaple is a former river-port, civil parish and largest town of the local government district of North Devon in the county of Devon, sir. Barnstaple was formerly referred to as "Barum", from a contraction of the Latin form of the name (ad Barnastapolitum) in Latin documents such as the episcopal registers of the Diocese of Exeter. Barum was mentioned by Shakespeare, and the name was revived and popularised in Victorian times, when it featured in several contemporary novels. The name Barum is retained in the names of a football team, brewery, and of several local businesses. The former Brannam Pottery works which was sited in Litchdon Street was known for its trademark "Barum" etched on the base of its products."

My Master's mouth was agape, like a seniors goldfish who had not cashed in many poker tournaments recently

I left him hanging, so to speak, and went and introduced myself to the lady

"Burnley lady, my name is Jeeves, manservant to Sky Poker's, where are my priority points, third best analyst (BRMB Audience market research October 2013)"

"ey up" she replied with a burp.

"My master informs me that you are under the impression that Barnstaple is near Luton"

"aye" she nodded "I'm from Burnley me"

"Barnstaple is a former river-port, civil parish and largest town of the local government district of North Devon in the county of Devon, sir. Barnstaple was formerly referred to as "Barum", from a contraction of the Latin form of the name (ad Barnastapolitum) in Latin documents such as the episcopal registers of the Diocese of Exeter. Barum was mentioned by Shakespeare, and the name was revived and popularised in Victorian times, when it featured in several contemporary novels. The name Barum is retained in the names of a football team, brewery, and of several local businesses. The former Brannam Pottery works which was sited in Litchdon Street was known for its trademark "Barum" etched on the base of its products"

This time it was the lady's turn to be non-plussed, and her mouth opened and in a very rare ten seconds that followed she neither spoke, or spent a lot of her husband's money.

I looked round to catch sight of My Master

"Bruno BRUNO BRUUUUUUUUUUUNO"

He was pestering a French gentleman who had come in fancy dress as Dougall from the Magic Roundabout

"that woman "thinks Barnstaple is near Luton" and he pointed towards us

Master looked like he was struggling, so I strode to the rescue and spoke to Mr Magic Roundabout

"Bonsoir monsieur Barnstaple est un ancien port fluvial-, la paroisse civile et la plus grande ville de la district non-métropolitain du North Devon, dans le comté de Devon, Monsieur le Président. Barnstaple était anciennement dénommée.."

Just as I was hitting full stride I sensed a presence behind me, where two security guards stood. Two more were already frog-marching my master from the room. The Burnley lady was proving less malleable and a torrent of abuse rorared from her mouth

"I am a corporate lawyer" being the worst of it

I spoke to the security guards

"guys, if you ask me to leave now I will have to go back to Master's suite and listen to hours and hours of how he's got no game, how he's always the shortstack, what happened when he had short trousers at the age of 13 and if i can't change the subject I will even get the golf club captain stories, including...."

I paused for effect, looked them in the eye

"including what happened in the bunker...."

"how about when you get off shift i treat you to a few beers and some company at Peppermints, and we can forget about this"

They smiled and nodded, and we all turned round to see a very relieved man from Burnley, free for a few hours at least, as his good lady was carried out fo the room screaming

"I KNOW SEAN DYCHE, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? I ONCE GOT SAM VOKES'S AUTOGRAPH ON MY FOREHEAD. I'M A CORPORATE LAWYER" to no discernible effect. 

 

[Knottikay]

Just realised who the Burnley lass is......LOL.

They may be some backlash coming.

 

[Magic817]

"Jeeves Jeeves Jeeves JEEVES"

I was standing in the middle of the Brasilia Room, a few paces away from my master whilst he spoke to some Sky Poker, slashed guarantees in summertime, regulars

"JJJJJJJJJJJJJEEEEEEEEEEEEEVES"

My master was screeching so loudly that the room was becoming disturbed

"Yes sir" I replied calmly

"That woman" - he pointed at a lady in a claret and blue top with a tattoo of Danny Ings' left thigh on her arm

I raised an eyebrow, I was not sure that Master should be associating with the flotsam and jetsam emanating from Lancashire cotton towns, no doubt transported here on package holidays from Manchester airport, which i have always contended would be a higher class establishment if it were renamed Cheshire (Alderley Edge and Wilmslow) Airport, but I let him continue

"That woman..."

He could barely breathe, and was stamping his feet in excitement

What could be this matter of great import

"thinks Barnstaple is near Luton"

I stood and tried to form the correct words for this stunning revelation. Years of training found the right phrase, as My master waited expectantly   

"She is mistaken sir, Barnstaple is a former river-port, civil parish and largest town of the local government district of North Devon in the county of Devon, sir. Barnstaple was formerly referred to as "Barum", from a contraction of the Latin form of the name (ad Barnastapolitum) in Latin documents such as the episcopal registers of the Diocese of Exeter. Barum was mentioned by Shakespeare, and the name was revived and popularised in Victorian times, when it featured in several contemporary novels. The name Barum is retained in the names of a football team, brewery, and of several local businesses. The former Brannam Pottery works which was sited in Litchdon Street was known for its trademark "Barum" etched on the base of its products."

My Master's mouth was agape, like a seniors goldfish who had not cashed in many poker tournaments recently

I left him hanging, so to speak, and went and introduced myself to the lady

"Burnley lady, my name is Jeeves, manservant to Sky Poker's, where are my priority points, third best analyst (BRMB Audience market research October 2013)"

"ey up" she replied with a burp.

"My master informs me that you are under the impression that Barnstaple is near Luton"

"aye" she nodded "I'm from Burnley me"

"Barnstaple is a former river-port, civil parish and largest town of the local government district of North Devon in the county of Devon, sir. Barnstaple was formerly referred to as "Barum", from a contraction of the Latin form of the name (ad Barnastapolitum) in Latin documents such as the episcopal registers of the Diocese of Exeter. Barum was mentioned by Shakespeare, and the name was revived and popularised in Victorian times, when it featured in several contemporary novels. The name Barum is retained in the names of a football team, brewery, and of several local businesses. The former Brannam Pottery works which was sited in Litchdon Street was known for its trademark "Barum" etched on the base of its products"

This time it was the lady's turn to be non-plussed, and her mouth opened and in a very rare ten seconds that followed she neither spoke, or spent a lot of her husband's money.

I looked round to catch sight of My Master

"Bruno BRUNO BRUUUUUUUUUUUNO"

He was pestering a French gentleman who had come in fancy dress as Dougall from the Magic Roundabout

"that woman "thinks Barnstaple is near Luton" and he pointed towards us

Master looked like he was struggling, so I strode to the rescue and spoke to Mr Magic Roundabout

"Bonsoir monsieur Barnstaple est un ancien port fluvial-, la paroisse civile et la plus grande ville de la district non-métropolitain du North Devon, dans le comté de Devon, Monsieur le Président. Barnstaple était anciennement dénommée.."

Just as I was hitting full stride I sensed a presence behind me, where two security guards stood. Two more were already frog-marching my master from the room. The Burnley lady was proving less malleable and a torrent of abuse rorared from her mouth

"I am a corporate lawyer" being the worst of it

I spoke to the security guards

"guys, if you ask me to leave now I will have to go back to Master's suite and listen to hours and hours of how he's got no game, how he's always the shortstack, what happened when he had short trousers at the age of 13 and if i can't change the subject I will even get the golf club captain stories, including...."

I paused for effect, looked them in the eye

"including what happened in the bunker...."

"how about when you get off shift i treat you to a few beers and some company at Peppermints, and we can forget about this"

They smiled and nodded, and we all turned round to see a very relieved man from Burnley, free for a few hours at least, as his good lady was carried out fo the room screaming

"I KNOW SEAN DYCHE, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? I ONCE GOT SAM VOKES'S AUTOGRAPH ON MY FOREHEAD. I'M A CORPORATE LAWYER" to no discernible effect. 

 

Love this..and looking forward to the backlash!

[tikay]

Just realised who the Burnley lass is......LOL.

They may be some backlash coming.

 

Luckily, she'll never know.

[DingleBelle]

I'm trying very hard to feign anger and outrage at this.

I can't, I'm laughing too much.

Well played Sir.  GG Belle.

[Marky147]

ROFL

I can just imagine Tikay with his pom poms out on Bruno's rail

[willrobrobu]

"Jeeves Jeeves Jeeves JEEVES"

I was standing in the middle of the Brasilia Room, a few paces away from my master whilst he spoke to some Sky Poker, slashed guarantees in summertime, regulars

"JJJJJJJJJJJJJEEEEEEEEEEEEEVES"

My master was screeching so loudly that the room was becoming disturbed

"Yes sir" I replied calmly

"That woman" - he pointed at a lady in a claret and blue top with a tattoo of Danny Ings' left thigh on her arm

I raised an eyebrow, I was not sure that Master should be associating with the flotsam and jetsam emanating from Lancashire cotton towns, no doubt transported here on package holidays from Manchester airport, which i have always contended would be a higher class establishment if it were renamed Cheshire (Alderley Edge and Wilmslow) Airport, but I let him continue

"That woman..."

He could barely breathe, and was stamping his feet in excitement

What could be this matter of great import

"thinks Barnstaple is near Luton"

I stood and tried to form the correct words for this stunning revelation. Years of training found the right phrase, as My master waited expectantly   

"She is mistaken sir, Barnstaple is a former river-port, civil parish and largest town of the local government district of North Devon in the county of Devon, sir. Barnstaple was formerly referred to as "Barum", from a contraction of the Latin form of the name (ad Barnastapolitum) in Latin documents such as the episcopal registers of the Diocese of Exeter. Barum was mentioned by Shakespeare, and the name was revived and popularised in Victorian times, when it featured in several contemporary novels. The name Barum is retained in the names of a football team, brewery, and of several local businesses. The former Brannam Pottery works which was sited in Litchdon Street was known for its trademark "Barum" etched on the base of its products."

My Master's mouth was agape, like a seniors goldfish who had not cashed in many poker tournaments recently

I left him hanging, so to speak, and went and introduced myself to the lady

"Burnley lady, my name is Jeeves, manservant to Sky Poker's, where are my priority points, third best analyst (BRMB Audience market research October 2013)"

"ey up" she replied with a burp.

"My master informs me that you are under the impression that Barnstaple is near Luton"

"aye" she nodded "I'm from Burnley me"

"Barnstaple is a former river-port, civil parish and largest town of the local government district of North Devon in the county of Devon, sir. Barnstaple was formerly referred to as "Barum", from a contraction of the Latin form of the name (ad Barnastapolitum) in Latin documents such as the episcopal registers of the Diocese of Exeter. Barum was mentioned by Shakespeare, and the name was revived and popularised in Victorian times, when it featured in several contemporary novels. The name Barum is retained in the names of a football team, brewery, and of several local businesses. The former Brannam Pottery works which was sited in Litchdon Street was known for its trademark "Barum" etched on the base of its products"

This time it was the lady's turn to be non-plussed, and her mouth opened and in a very rare ten seconds that followed she neither spoke, or spent a lot of her husband's money.

I looked round to catch sight of My Master

"Bruno BRUNO BRUUUUUUUUUUUNO"

He was pestering a French gentleman who had come in fancy dress as Dougall from the Magic Roundabout

"that woman "thinks Barnstaple is near Luton" and he pointed towards us

Master looked like he was struggling, so I strode to the rescue and spoke to Mr Magic Roundabout

"Bonsoir monsieur Barnstaple est un ancien port fluvial-, la paroisse civile et la plus grande ville de la district non-métropolitain du North Devon, dans le comté de Devon, Monsieur le Président. Barnstaple était anciennement dénommée.."

Just as I was hitting full stride I sensed a presence behind me, where two security guards stood. Two more were already frog-marching my master from the room. The Burnley lady was proving less malleable and a torrent of abuse rorared from her mouth

"I am a corporate lawyer" being the worst of it

I spoke to the security guards

"guys, if you ask me to leave now I will have to go back to Master's suite and listen to hours and hours of how he's got no game, how he's always the shortstack, what happened when he had short trousers at the age of 13 and if i can't change the subject I will even get the golf club captain stories, including...."

I paused for effect, looked them in the eye

"including what happened in the bunker...."

"how about when you get off shift i treat you to a few beers and some company at Peppermints, and we can forget about this"

They smiled and nodded, and we all turned round to see a very relieved man from Burnley, free for a few hours at least, as his good lady was carried out fo the room screaming

"I KNOW SEAN DYCHE, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? I ONCE GOT SAM VOKES'S AUTOGRAPH ON MY FOREHEAD. I'M A CORPORATE LAWYER" to no discernible effect. 

 

lol, i lived on litchdon street for a couple of years as a kid, just up from the exeter inn

[celtic]

Did Jeeves make it back ok?

[redsimon]

http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/david-victoria-beckham-hire-housekeeper-3845210

Sounds like he's moved up in the world?

[Jeeves]

To: tikayonskysportsontuesdaysatten.com

From: Jeevesisofftovegasagain.com

Subject: Las Vegas 2015

Sir

Thank you for your email which arrived as i was cooking steak (again) for my employer in Budapest. You will be glad to know he has given me leave of absence from 28th May until July to accompany you on your trip to Las Vegas and San Diego, California. It will be a relief not to have to make another voodoo doll of Mr John Carver of Ponteland for ritual disembowellling for a few weeks

I will be at your abode once more in Thames Ditton on the 27th May to pack for you

In the meantime i would be grateful if you would let me know the following

a) is your passport up to date?

b) have you booked long term car parking at Gatwick?  

c) Flights, hotels and travel itinerary ready?

d) currency ordered?

e) emergency supplies of pineapple chunks purchased from Costco?

I will be happy to help with any of these matters should they require attention.

In the meantime, please accept my feedback that I have now sent 16 texts, 14 emails and 4 twitter messages for the Sky Sports poker shows on Tuesdays, and none have been read out. I am not interested in "100 challenges" with people barely known in their own household let alone outside it and fear that your employers, expecting a man of your years to do one thing at once on air, let alone three, are a touch optimistic. Sort it out Sky.

Regards

Jeeves.

[MereNovice]

Wonderful to have you back Jeeves.

[Tal]

What ho, Jeeves!