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Author Topic: The funniest joke ever?  (Read 8493 times)
ifm
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« on: May 24, 2006, 12:33:42 AM »

There has been a 2 year study by a proffesor of something from the university of somewhere to find the funniest joke ever!
This was the winner, what do you think?

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

My personal favourite is this one:

2 fish in a tank, one says to the other "do you know how to drive this thing?"
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stallyon
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« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2006, 11:15:06 AM »

 
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AndrewT
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« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2006, 11:32:46 AM »

2 fish in a tank, one says to the other "do you know how to drive this thing?"

Tank? Fish? What are you trying to say about our favourite STT robot?
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TheDoc12345
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« Reply #3 on: May 24, 2006, 12:09:02 PM »

 Cheesy

"Two fish in a tank.... " that's mine too !!

The other could be:-

Two parrots on a perch - one says to the other - "Do you smell fish ?"
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marcro
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« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2006, 12:50:46 PM »

 Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
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happybhoy
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« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2006, 12:52:29 PM »

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Fish









(I've already got my coat)
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I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to mis-attribute this quote to Voltaire.
ifm
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« Reply #6 on: May 24, 2006, 01:00:52 PM »

Bloke walks into a bar and says "ouch!!"
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Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
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matt674
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« Reply #7 on: May 24, 2006, 01:19:18 PM »

I know i've told it before but it was a while back and its the only funny joke i know!!

One night there was a panda who was feeling rather amorous and as there was a shortage of female pandas he decided to head down to the local red light district. He approached a few of the "locals" without much joy but eventually he persuaded one of the prostitutes to take him back to her flat. Eventually they arrive at the flat but before they begin the Panda asks for a favour.

"I'm really, really hungry - all this walking has taken it out of me, would it be possible to get something to eat first to build my stamina back up". The prostitute cant believe the cheek but eventually agrees and rustles up a plate of egg and chips. The panda wolfes the lot down, hardly pausing to chew on it.

After finishing the food they make their way to the bedroom and the panda proceeds to give the prostitute the best time of her life, she has orgasm after orgasm in a marathon session - eventually after about 5 hours the panda lets out a moan as he finishes the job. He instantly gets up, puts on his panda clothes and makes his way towards the door.

"Whoooaaaaa" the prostitute pants, still recovering. "where do you think your going, what about my money?".

"What money?" says the panda "i've finished now i'm off home". The prositiute summons up the last of her energy and walks (somewhat bow-legged) over to the bookcase where she pulls out a dictionary and flicks it open at the letter P.

"Prostitute" she starts "one who offers sexual intercourse in return for payment". The panda takes the dictionary off her, turns back a couple of pages and replies.

"Panda - Eats shoots and leaves".......
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« Reply #8 on: May 24, 2006, 02:37:30 PM »

Two(insert the nationality of your choice here) workers are working on a pavement one long hot sunny day.

The first one digs a big hole in the pavement and the second man immeadiatly fills it in.

A bemused bystander watches them do this for about 5 minutes and decides to approach them.

"Excuse me lads" he says"what on earth are you doing, digging holes just to fill them in, what are you achieving"

One of the workers responds"usually were a three man team but the guy that plants the trees is off sick today"
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thetank
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« Reply #9 on: June 01, 2006, 05:26:18 PM »

What do you do if a bird sh**s on your car?

Don't take her out again.
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snoopy1239
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« Reply #10 on: June 01, 2006, 05:32:13 PM »

What do you do if a bird sh**s on your car?

Don't take her out again.

tank!

I expect better

How uncooth  Cheesy
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Dewi_cool
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« Reply #11 on: June 01, 2006, 05:34:53 PM »

What do you do if a bird sh**s on your car?

Don't take her out again.

Take you'r car to the dry cleaners, not telling you again!!
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TheJagster
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« Reply #12 on: June 01, 2006, 05:55:52 PM »

Tank....If the car is made out of suede see your other thread.

(Trying to be helpful as always!)

 Cheesy Cheesy
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26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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« Reply #13 on: June 01, 2006, 06:00:38 PM »

I like the variations on the "My wife's gone to the West Indies...........Jamaica?.....No she went of her own accord" theme.

The two I know are:

My wife's gone to Indonesia.............Jakarta?.............No she went by plane!

and


My wife's gone to a casino in the Himalayas........Tibet?...............Well why else would she go?
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26. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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« Reply #14 on: June 01, 2006, 06:28:42 PM »

I like the variations on the "My wife's gone to the West Indies...........Jamaica?.....No she went of her own accord" theme.

The two I know are:

My wife's gone to Indonesia.............Jakarta?.............No she went by plane!

and


My wife's gone to a casino in the Himalayas........Tibet?...............Well why else would she go?

Dont know where my missus is going her holidays, Alaska.

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