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Author Topic: Latest from the BB (Barred Blondes) house  (Read 48519 times)
JungleCat03
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« Reply #60 on: June 22, 2007, 11:48:28 AM »


Dee Three In the Beeg Brootha hoose. A new hoosemeet has been sent into the hoose. The uther hoosements are gathered in the living room to greet them...

Nemesis: Oooh hope they've sent us in a nice hot chick like Isabelle Mercier!

IFM: As long as it's not that Vicky Coren. I mean she's knocking on a bit these days. Talk about over rated!

SOFA KING: Knocking on? She's 26 isn't she?

IFM: EXACTLY!


[Doors open and in walks Indestructable Ed]


Ed: Hi GUYS I'm Ed! [slowly turns to face the nearest camera. Flicks hair]
You may remember me from such gameshows as Casino Casino and The Weakest Link. [winks]


Flushy/Nemesis/IFM/SofaKing: *sigh* HI Ed

Bolt: wotcha mate

[housemates all turn and face BOLT]

Flushy/IFM: Huh?

Nemesis: Sorry Bolt? No "Salutations" ? No "congratulations for the supplementation of our social syndicate?" What's wrong with you man?

Bolt: DONT KNOW geez, feel a bit ill like. Got banged on the bonce by the big lad, Sofa King, when we was playin scrabble...

Sofa King: Well we were playing in the kitchen and he was takin the piss! I had some blank tiles so managed to finally get a word p,,,i,,n and he said  "commiserations, i cannot assent to the veracity of such a declaration. You have exceeded the boundaries of taste and correct grammar and as such I must dismiss your invalid invocation"

Load of b*****cks obviously. I used IFM's ASBO ANALYZER and it said "Pull the other one you muppet, it's got bells on son" so I lost it and twatted him on the head with a nearby mustard jar!

Flushy: LOL condiments!

Ed: Ahhh, yes this is quite common behaviour. On the previous game shows I've been on, often contestants get a little narky with each other. I remember when I was on 15-1, I was telling another contestant about the time I was on Countdown when I told Carol Vorderman a funny story about when I was on Eggheads, when another contestant had a pop at me for "showing off" Haha AS IF!

IFM: Ed, you're not even looking at us.

Ed: [completely facing camera] Yep some people are just too wrapped up in their own affairs to notice how many gameshows I've been on.

[sounds of booing and shouting are heard from outside]

[IFM, Nemesis, Flushy and BOLT rush into the garden, leaving Ed talking to the camera]

[Loud jeering and angry shouting is heard from beyond the garden wall]


RANDOM VOICE : BOO, Get IFM OUT. Coren's HOT, IFM's NOT!

RANDOM VOICE [shouting]: IFM sucks more than a toddler and it's not even close.

IFM: What the heck have I done?

TANNOY ANNOUNCEMENT: HOOSEMEETS, THIS EES BEEG BROOTHA. A LARGE MOB FROM HENDON HAS GATHERED OOOTSIDE THE HOOSE. PLEASE GET INTA THE HOOSE WHILE WE SORT IT OUT.

Flushy: LOL Mobaments!

Nemesis: Oops IFM, you should never have had a pop at Vicky!

Bolt: Those nob-jockeys want a rumble, they'd better be tooled up to the eyes, cos I'm in the mood to crack some skulls geezer. [picks up nearby stick and repeatedly bashes into palm of his hand]

"BRING IT ON YOU SLAAAAAGSSSS"

[Large rock is thrown over the wall and lands on bolt's head]


BOLT [EYES SPINNING]

NEMESIS: You ok pal?

BOLT: Hmm, I would conjecture that the acute contusion received by the propulsion of the lapidarian projectile has precipitated a regression to my previous verbose state.

IFM: *sigh* Presses button on ASBO ANALYZER.

MACHINE: Bang on the 'ead 'as sorted me right out guv!

RANDOM VOICE: NEIGH NEIGH A WIBBLE A WIBBLE NEIGH.

BOLT: It would appear we are under imminent threat of assault by a psychotic, equine assailant. Prudence would suggest retreat to our humble domicile as our most desirable recourse.

IFM: [Presses button on ASBO ANALYZER]

MACHINE: F***ING LEG IT, HERE COMES CRAZY HORSE!

[Large four-legged mammal, frothing liberally from its mouth is propelled over the wall into the garden and runs at the housemates]

IFM/ NEMESIS/ BOLT/ FLUSHY: RUNNNNNNNNNNNN

[Housemates run into the house, slamming the glass door behind them. They look out into the garden and see the horse's foaming mouth pressed up against the glass]


IFM: Maybe he fancies a round of golf?
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« Reply #61 on: June 22, 2007, 11:53:56 AM »

Flushy: LOL condiments!

Genuine LOL moment ..... 
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« Reply #62 on: June 22, 2007, 12:00:54 PM »

Flushy: LOL condiments!

Genuine LOL moment ..... 

Wot he says.

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kinboshi
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« Reply #63 on: June 22, 2007, 12:01:09 PM »

Flushy: LOL condiments!

Genuine LOL moment ..... 

Made me laugh out loud in my office.  I'm now getting some funny looks.

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« Reply #64 on: June 22, 2007, 12:02:10 PM »

I keep fearing that this will get less funny as it progresses.

I keep being wrong.

Surely the arrival of a savage horse into the garden means Sark is nearby!
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« Reply #65 on: June 22, 2007, 12:10:37 PM »

Quality Rod.......Quality
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« Reply #66 on: June 22, 2007, 12:15:41 PM »

The best BY FAR.

I thought this was so funny....

SOFA KING: Knocking on? She's 26 isn't she?

IFM: EXACTLY!


Until I read tjhe rest - the whole thing is superb-ament.
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« Reply #67 on: June 22, 2007, 12:20:27 PM »

Absolutly top stuff.......xxxxxxx
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AlexMartin
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« Reply #68 on: June 22, 2007, 12:22:03 PM »

Really really good. Mightily impressed with your work JC.

 We should do a real Blonde BB online and let ppl vote for small amounts. Obviously to give to charity, or to fund the BlueSQ boys gambling addictions.
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« Reply #69 on: June 22, 2007, 12:40:40 PM »

da iawn
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The very last hand of the night goes to Dewi James, who finds ACES and talks Raymond O’Mahoney into calling his all-in preflop bet of 15k.  “If I had AQ, I’d call!” says Dewi.  Raymond calls holding pocket 66’s.


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« Reply #70 on: June 22, 2007, 12:46:10 PM »

Top class 
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« Reply #71 on: June 22, 2007, 01:29:45 PM »

keeps getting better 
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« Reply #72 on: June 22, 2007, 02:58:46 PM »

I'm hooked, can't wait for tomorrow's installment 
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« Reply #73 on: June 22, 2007, 04:23:27 PM »

LOL Compliments.
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boldie
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« Reply #74 on: June 22, 2007, 09:46:36 PM »

lol..class...top top class!
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