Vegas & The Aftermath - Diary

[tikay]

I am sure I am speaking for all your groupies when I say you will be missed in Cardiff :-(

Well I am working in Southend on Sunday, Suzanne. I offered to come along for Day One only, but Des & Tighty felt that it would be a bit much - the drive from Feltham to Cardff after Friday night's Live Show, arriving Cardifff 3am, a 14 hour day there, then Cardiff to Southend, before another long day (In-Poker can take from 6 to 17 hours), so it was agreed I'd miss Cardiff. I hate concessions to age, I feel I'm beng patronised, but I see their point, 3 x 16 hour days on the bounce might be asking too much even of me.

I hope you have a good day, in fact, I hope everyone has a good day. It's very imporant that this one goes well, & is held in the true APAT spirit.

[tikay]

So, to answer those Augusta questions. I'll leave the TV coverage aside. We are spoilt by Sky Sports, so when Augusta comes along on BBC2, it hacks us off that we get severely restricted coverage, but really, less is more sometimes, & it helps maintain the aura of Augusta.

When I first learned to read, in my early teens, I devoured books by the score, 8 or 10 per week, firstly real-life adventure - mountaineering, solo sailing voyages, then WW2 stuff, mainly the Borneo Railway & Japanese POW horror stuff, & then I discovered a man called Henry Longhurst, a most marvellous old buffer, who'd played Walker Cup golf for England, & became Golf Correspondent of the Sunday Times. He only wrote every fortnight, which was odd, & lived in a converted windmill on the South Downs, near Cuckfield. In fact there were "twin" windmills, side by side, he lived in one called "Jack", the other was called - yes, "Jill".

He was the BBC Golf Correspondent too - on Radio at first (!), then telly, & is famous for his commentary when Doug Sanders missed that tiddler for The Open in 1970, Henry saying "oooh, I say, well I never, he's missed it".......(So the victory was gifted to a young golfer named Jack Nicklaus).

The Americans invited Henry across to commentate on The Masters, & they gave him a Par 3, the 16th I think. He had to climb up a ladder into a treetop "hidey", & commentate from there.

In his first year, they thought something was wrong with Henry's microphone, because he often never uttered a sound for minutes on end. After a week of this they decided to sack him. Henry said "fine, as you wish, but sometimes the picture tells the story better than words ever can". The greatest advice any commentator could ever follow. Especially at Augusta. They still sacked him though - but the the hoohah started, & the Great American Public demanded Henry be restored. He kept the job for about 20 years, until he died, as I recall, in about 1980.

So Henry got me started on golf books, & the link to Augusta meant I boned up on The Masters - I think, up too, I dunno, 1970?, I read every book ever written about Augusta.

So I grew up thinking Augusta was something magical.

And it was. But not as I imagined......

TBC.....

[tikay]

So, I knew everything there was to know about Augusta - "Augusta National" to be precise.

Magnolia Lane (the approach to the course from the outside world) has 122 magnolia trees - 61 each side, 159 years old they are, the "Old Oak Tree" is 150 years old, all the holes are named after trees or shrubs, the greens are famously fast, Amen Corner, the Green Jacket, Past Champions teeing off every year, da de da. The Course is not "rated", uniquely, Augusta think they are above being rated......

The Masters Winner gets an Invitation for Life, to play it every year.

Caddies used to be supplied by the Club for the Masters, until one year Nicklaus kicked up a fuss, & now they can bring their own caddies. They used to have to wear white boiler suits - in sweltering temperatures, too. More of whch later....
 
Membership is tiny - 250, I think, & relatively cheap, about $10,000, but it's Invitation ONLY, & you ain't ever gonna be invited, no matter who you are, unless you "fit".

"Fit"? Well it helps to be white, for starters. Black golfers  were not allowed to be Members until, wait for it, .......1990. No Blacks until 1990! Unless they were a Caddie, that is. Black Caddies were fine, Black Members or players were not. They put them in those boiler suits & that was fine. We dont mind Blacks, as long as they are in white boiler suits, & carrying white mens clubs. Nice, eh?  And that remained the case until 1990. 1990 - can you believe that?

Nowadays, Black players are allowed to play there, though I fancy it's under sufferance.

And it helps to be male, too. They do not allow Female Members, & it was only down to Faldo throwing a serious strop about Fanny Sunesson that forced them to accept female caddies. The American Womens Lib movement forced sponsors to withdraw TV commercials for 2 years, in 2002-3 I think.

So I have very mixed feelings about The Masters. It's the only golf Major that does not rotate courses annually, & it's a truly awesome course.

But I abhor racism, & it's a racist institution, through & through. It's in the Deep South, so it goes with the territory I suppose.

Ooh, what to do - watch it, & ignore the racism, or boycott watching it?

I'd watch it every year, truth to tell. So it seems I can ignore racism for a few days.

No wonder it took so long for racial equality to arrive. Arrive in most places, anyway.

It's sort of "look away now".

[DesD]

Good post.

[RED-DOG]

That TMS reminder made me think - if I were on a Desert Island, & were allowed to listen to one Radio Prog, & one TV seres/Show, & 6 books, it would have to be.....

Radio - Easy. An everlasting TMS.

What about Gardeners Question Time,  Any Answers, Brain of Britain,  The Archers,  Woman's Hour,  Just a Minute, Home Truths etc etc.... ?

[RED-DOG]

Tony.

You write so wincingly well. Your diary is a joy, especially those pieces that reveal your take on life, your personality, and what you perceive as your "Foibles" They strike me as very Brysonesque.

If you ever sit still long enough, you should write your memoirs. I would buy them.

...Well... Mrs Red woud buy the paparback versions for me when they hit the shelves of the charity shops.....

[tikay]

That TMS reminder made me think - if I were on a Desert Island, & were allowed to listen to one Radio Prog, & one TV seres/Show, & 6 books, it would have to be.....

Radio - Easy. An everlasting TMS.

What about Gardeners Question Time,  Any Answers, Brain of Britain,  The Archers,  Woman's Hour,  Just a Minute, Home Truths etc etc.... ?

Well I decided on just ONE Rado Programme. If we can expand that a little, my choice would be......

1) TMS, Mid 1960's version, preferably.

2) Home Truths, but has to be the Peel-chaired editions. He was born to do that Show.

3) Brain of Britain, for the sheer joy of listening to Britain's cleverest & most correctly spoken man - who is also the question-msaster. Robert Robinson.

4) GQT - How could I omit that? It has nothing to do with gardening, which I've always disliked, it's about people, what some may describe as little people with little problems, but they are real people, this is how life really is, & the Panel are all philosophers.

I omit.....

The Archers - not the same since Grace Archer died in that fire, & Walter Gabriel died. Walter was a legend. Now they have sexed the show up, & it's poo. And Phil Archer gets on my tits, he is such a wimp, & never stops moaning.

Just a Minute. Good, but not good enough these days. Maybe my tastes are changing.

Womans Hour. You had to put that in, just to annoy me, yes? Womans Hour, aaarrggghh, I shall be tetchy all day now, the very mention of it raises my hackles. It's all about the "struggle" of the modern woman. Struggle? In Sainsbury's? Have they tried living in Malawi, Zimbabwe, Baghdad, or a thousand other places where it IS a struggle for women? Women here are equal, so it's time they stopped banging on about it. And can you imagine the hue & cry if there was a "Mens Hour"......It's like Womens Poker, we turn a blind eye because it's women. We would all be in trouble if there was a Men Only Poker Tourney though. Either they are equal, or they are not. Womens Hour, & Womens Poker says "look girlies, you are not equal, so here's a titbit for you", as they pat them on the head condescendingly.

Pahhhhhh!

[tikay]

Tony.

You write so wincingly well. Your diary is a joy, especially those pieces that reveal your take on life, your personality, and what you perceive as your "Foibles" They strike me as very Brysonesque.

If you ever sit still long enough, you should write your memoirs. I would buy them.

...Well... Mrs Red woud buy the paparback versions for me when they hit the shelves of the charity shops.....

Thank you. I think.

I was in the most foul & raging mood early this morning, (I'm talking 2am-ish) so writing sort of helped calm me down.

Foibles? What foibles? I have no foibles! I've not decided whether to be offended by that yet. I shall decide as I head South now, to Feltham. A few hours on the M1, A43, M40, M25, M3 will pass quickly, listrening to this week's music choice - Cat Stevens, Eminem, The Cure, & Johnny Cash. But not Woman's Hour.

[AndrewT]

I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue?

A suggestion rather than an admission.

[RED-DOG]

I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue?

A suggestion rather than an admission.

Excellent! (An exclamation rather than an endorsement)

[Karabiner]

Augusta is also very sensitive indeed about the commentators quips and nothing even remotely risque is tolerated.

Gary McCord, easily the funniest golf commentator around imo (think Bumble does golf) was banned indefinitely for saying "they don't cut the greens here at Augusta, they use bikini wax".

And David Feherty who runs McCord close for both wit and humour was also dropped for saying that "playing Augusta was like being tortured by a beautiful woman".

[tikay]

I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue?

A suggestion rather than an admission.

Shit - how did I miss that? Deffo - get's the # 3 spot, behind TMS & Home Truths. It was all about Humph, really. I have all the CD's of that, might give them a listen now.

Russell Brand should be tied in a chair & forced to listen to Humph, who was a jazz musician first, & a comedian second, but knew more aboit comedy that Brand ever will. Humph would have to use short words, of course, as Brand would struggle otherwise.

[Dingdell]

I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue?

A suggestion rather than an admission.

Shit - how did I miss that? Deffo - get's the # 3 spot, behind TMS & Home Truths. It was all about Humph, really. I have all the CD's of that, might give them a listen now.

Russell Brand should be tied in a chair & forced to listen to Humph, who was a jazz musician first, & a comedian second, but knew more aboit comedy that Brand ever will. Humph would have to use short words, of course, as Brand would struggle otherwise.

he would probably enjoy that.

[tikay]

Before I reply to the comments on Augusta/Golf/TV, a quick curiosity from today's news.

Body parts are being found all over the Midlands.

22nd March - a left foot is found in Gloucestershire.

22nd March - A left leg is found in Herfordshire.

29th March - An arm, ("a arm"?), complete with hand, found in Wheathampstead.

31st March - A head is found in Asfordby.

The arm & the leg are from the same person.

The left foot is not from the same person.

The head could be from either.

All factual.

My own conjecture is to marvel at the way these body parts are cleverly camaflouged. The Police reported that "the foot was found inside a grey sports sock and a grey size 9 training shoe". Ingenious, eh?

It's now been confirmed that the head, arm, & leg, came from the same body. The foot came from a different body. West Mercia Police said the foot was "not connected". Well, no.....

[Geo the Sarge]

Before I reply to the comments on Augusta/Golf/TV, a quick curiosity from today's news.

Body parts are being found all over the Midlands.

22nd March - a left foot is found in Gloucestershire.

22nd March - A left leg is found in Herfordshire.

29th March - An arm, ("a arm"?), complete with hand, found in Wheathampstead.

31st March - A head is found in Asfordby.

The arm & the leg are from the same person.

The left foot is not from the same person.

The head could be from either.

All factual.

My own conjecture is to marvel at the way these body parts are cleverly camaflouged. The Police reported that "the foot was found inside a grey sports sock and a grey size 9 training shoe". Ingenious, eh?

It's now been confirmed that the head, arm, & leg, came from the same body. The foot came from a different body. West Mercia Police said the foot was "not connected". Well, no.....

 

another keyboard ruined........it's ok tho, it belongs to the company

Geo