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lucky_scrote
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« Reply #270 on: August 03, 2017, 10:49:15 PM » |
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Granddaughter Alisha. "I bet I'm the most least competitive person in the world"
"I bet you're not"  Every time I open this thread it's a reminder that I did not invent "not the sharpest bulb in the box". I say it all the time, ugh, thanks Sadie |
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<3 ENSUING
stato_1 said, "banoffee pie i reckon"
stato_1 said, "this is delicious"
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Omm
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« Reply #271 on: August 08, 2017, 12:52:10 PM » |
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Read a poker article today and the guy said "So everything I say below should be taken with a grain of salt"
Made me lol out loud, had to tell someone, thought here was as good as any.
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RED-DOG
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« Reply #272 on: December 17, 2017, 09:48:51 PM » |
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Me- what does a dyslexic Yorkshire man wear on his head?
Daughter Zelly- A cat flap.
Granddaughter Leonie - I don't get it. Understand it for me Mam.
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Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.
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RED-DOG
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« Reply #273 on: February 20, 2018, 01:07:03 PM » |
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I walk into the bedroom and find Mrs red with her trousers around her ankles.
What are you doing?
I'm trying something on.
What, with me?
No, I mean need to take it in.
I say nothing, but raise a hopeful eyebrow...
Oh just get out you idiot.
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Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.
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RED-DOG
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« Reply #274 on: November 16, 2018, 10:23:02 AM » |
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Me watching the dogs hunt with their noses to the ground.
"I wish I could smell like a dog, just for one day"
Mrs Red, "I've got news for you..."
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Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.
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celtic
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« Reply #275 on: November 16, 2018, 10:23:48 AM » |
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Me watching the dogs hunt with their noses to the ground.
"I wish I could smell like a dog, just for one day"
Mrs Red, "I've got news for you..."
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Keefy is back But for how long? |
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booder
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« Reply #276 on: November 16, 2018, 12:53:23 PM » |
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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
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RED-DOG
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« Reply #277 on: November 27, 2018, 10:32:27 AM » |
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I have a friend who happens to be illiterate. (Actually I have a lot of friends who happen to be illiterate but that's another story)
What literate people don't realise is that illiterate people have to rely entirely on their ears for their language skills.
Me: Are you ready?
Him: I'm as ready as a leather bee.
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Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.
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RED-DOG
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« Reply #278 on: March 23, 2019, 03:57:51 PM » |
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Mrs Red "I hate it when I accidentally bite the sweet I was sucking" Me "I know, its a bitter-sweet feeling"  |
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Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.
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bobAlike
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« Reply #279 on: March 25, 2019, 08:03:57 PM » |
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Text conversation after putting my sons, who’s at uni, allowance in his bank account
Son: thanks for the money papa
Me: you’re welcome, drink it wisely
Son: just spilt my pint reading your text
Me: doh
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Ah! The element of surprise
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RED-DOG
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« Reply #280 on: March 25, 2019, 08:14:53 PM » |
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Text conversation after putting my sons, who’s at uni, allowance in his bank account
Son: thanks for the money papa
Me: you’re welcome, drink it wisely
Son: just spilt my pint reading your text
Me: doh
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Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.
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bobAlike
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« Reply #281 on: April 20, 2019, 03:19:43 PM » |
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Whilst driving at a spritely speed on an almost empty motorway
Wife: you shouldn't be going this fast
Me: Why not?
Wife: You're in the slow lane
She has only been driving for 34 years.
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Ah! The element of surprise
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RED-DOG
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« Reply #282 on: April 20, 2019, 03:29:46 PM » |
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Whilst driving at a spritely speed on an almost empty motorway
Wife: you shouldn't be going this fast
Me: Why not?
Wife: You're in the slow lane
She has only been driving for 34 years.
Haha |
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Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.
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RED-DOG
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« Reply #283 on: April 20, 2019, 03:35:26 PM » |
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I was on the M1 the other day and I was towing so only doing ~ 60mph when I saw several cars get flashed when passing under a camera gantry even though there was no visible restriction in operation. I can only conclude they were done for exceeding the 70 limit.
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Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.
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bobAlike
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« Reply #284 on: April 22, 2019, 01:36:14 PM » |
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I was on the M1 the other day and I was towing so only doing ~ 60mph when I saw several cars get flashed when passing under a camera gantry even though there was no visible restriction in operation. I can only conclude they were done for exceeding the 70 limit.
It's a sorry age we live in  Was this at night? and were the cars that got flashed on the other side of the carriageway? I was driving on the M6 a few weeks ago between junctions 4 and 5. Not stating how fast I was going but it may have been over 70. Anyway as I passed under a gantry I noticed, in my door mirror, that 3 lights came on but the weird thing was that they didnt flash and seemed to gradually turn off. I went through the next gantry at a slower speed and I'll be buggered the same thing happened. So now as I approached the next gantry I made sure I was travelling well below the speed limit. Guess what? it happened again. I spent the rest of my journey determined to figure it out.... I was not being flashed at all. It was simply the configuration of the gantry and the positioning of the lights lighting up the signs on the gantry. As I went through them I could just about see the lights through a gap before being obscured again. Lesson learnt, dont speed |
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Ah! The element of surprise
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Author