My daughter Sadie

[RED-DOG]

Mrs Red (reading news article): "Big meals linked to memory loss".

Sadie: I don't recall having any particularly big meals.....

[EvilPie]

Mrs Red (reading news article): "Big meals linked to memory loss".

Sadie: I don't recall having any particularly big meals.....

If she realised what she was saying that's pure genius.

[celtic]

Mrs Red (reading news article): "Big meals linked to memory loss".

Sadie: I don't recall having any particularly big meals.....

If she realised what she was saying that's pure genius.

+1

[Sheriff Fatman]

We took Alice to the zoo today in Dalton.

From memory, the order roughly consisted of hippos, llamas, lions (including watching them feed), a tiger, giraffes, rhinos, apes doing an engrossing display of swings and calls, penguins, sleeping foxes, the world's rarest member of the pig family, more tigers, free roaming lemur monkeys walking along side us, and a cheetah.

Over lunch, I asked Alice what her favourite part had been.

"The ducks!"

[vegaslover]

We took Alice to the zoo today in Dalton.

From memory, the order roughly consisted of hippos, llamas, lions (including watching them feed), a tiger, giraffes, rhinos, apes doing an engrossing display of swings and calls, penguins, sleeping foxes, the world's rarest member of the pig family, more tigers, free roaming lemur monkeys walking along side us, and a cheetah.

Over lunch, I asked Alice what her favourite part had been.

"The ducks!"

You had any big meals lately???

[BorntoBubble]

heard some pretty amusing conversations in my time working in a call centre in my time probably the top line ever was..

(i work for a sat tv company )

Customer: The two cables coming from my dish have fallen out of the back of the box last night.

Advisor: ok.. and?

Customer: My tv now says "No Sat Signal is being recieved"

Advisor: Did you plug them back in?

Customer: O no should i plug them back in?

Advisor: Yes please

Customer: O thanks my picture is back now!

Advisor hits head agaisnt the computor!

This happens on a daily basis calls like this most of the time its due to the box being in standby and the customer not actually turning it on

[david3103]

Allegedly ...


This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

CS: "What sort of trouble?"

C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

CS: "Went away?"

C: "They disappeared."

CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

C: "Nothing."

CS: "Nothing?"

C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

C: "How do I tell?"

CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

C: "What's a monitor?"

CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

C: "I don't know."

CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

C: "Yes, I think so."

CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

C: ".......Yes, it is."

CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

C: "No."

CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

C: ".......Okay, here it is."

CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

C: "No."

CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

CS: "Dark?"

C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."

C: "I can't."

CS: "No? Why not?"

C: "Because there's a power outage."

CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

[leethefish]

That's just awesome !

[smashedagain]

That's just awesome !

Lol yeah. Can't be true can it

[Rod Paradise]

That's just awesome !

Lol yeah. Can't be true can it

Dunno - it's been on the go for about 20 years AFAICR

[BorntoBubble]

awesome! dont know if it is true you know you are going to get sacked doing something like that is it worth it!

[Geo the Sarge]

A famous one at my workplace was when we had sent a policy schedule to the administrators of the Dyslexia society pension scheme

They returned it to us to have an amendment made to the scheme name...................................we had spelled Dyslexia incorrectly

Geo

[SchmidtSting]

Brilliant

[gouty]

About 20 years ago playing trivial pursuit with 3 other couples.

My girlfriend reading a question: "Who starred in the film Asparagus"?

Stony silence.

Me: "Kirk Douglas"

Gf : "Correct"!

She is now my wife. Good job she can cook.

[RED-DOG]

My daughter Muzelley, opening envelopes and ranting about junk mail, comes across one from the NHS.

"...And why the Hell have the hospital sent me an appointment for peach serapy?"