Yesterday was the day of the lights.
Mrs Red, the light of my life, requested that I sort out some light based issues for her. Well, I say requested, but that’s just to give the impression that I have some say in the matter. The truth is, when Mrs Red makes a request, it’s like when a Mafia Don pats a restaurant owner on the cheek and says, “Hey Luigi, Do you think it would it be possible for Mrs Giordano and I to have the table by the window?” It sounds like a request, but we all know that a refusal would be like signing your own death warrant.
Lighting issue number one was with the offside headlight on Mrs Red’s car. Namely, no main beam function on that side. I knew what the problem was. It had blown yet another bulb.
Now don’t get me wrong, it’s a great little car, fast, comfortable, quiet, economical, and as reliable as an ace on the flop when you have kings, but it gets through more bulbs than Charlie Dimmock. (For the uninitiated, Charlie Dimmock is the bird with the big tits and no bra that used to ponce around in the background while Alan Titchmarsh did his piece to camera on Ground Force). I wouldn’t mind, but these are no ordinary bulbs. Oh no. These are, “Halogen bulbs” which is a fancy way of saying “That’ll be eleven quid please Guv, thank you, call again”.
Changing the nearside Halogen bulb is not too bad. To gain access to it, you only have to remove the battery. To change the offside Halogen bulb, you have to remove the radiator header tank and the fuel filter housing to gain access. To actually reach the bulb, you have be a cross between a gynaecologist and Quasimodo.
| Click to see full-size image. |
| Click to see full-size image. |
Removing the header tank wasn’t too bad. I used a Philips screwdriver, (magnetic) a 3/8 ratchet, a long extension, a short extension, and a selection of star drives.
The Fuel filter housing was a little more difficult. I used part of the nail, most of the skin, and an alarming amount of blood from the index finger of my right hand, along with all the swear words I could think of.
Unsurprisingly, it later transpired that this by now very sore finger was the only one that would reach the bulb once it had been exposed.
I finally got the job finished, and, weeping softly, I moved on to lighting issue number two…..
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