Vagueness and the Aftermath - A sporadic diary

[RED-DOG]

No idea how, but I somehow chanced upon this thread Tom.....


http://blondepoker.com/forum/index.php?topic=4133.0

If you have 20 minutes to spare, well worth a read.

Most of the stuff is from 2005.

There are several posts I wouldn't mind deleting now, but hey, it is what it is.

I did like this line though.

Please bear with me, Im no Rob Yong. His thoughts seem to just ooze out across the page like red wine spilled on a white tablecloth, unmistakeable, stark and vivid. Mine are more like gravy stains on your tie, smaller and harder to see.

[RED-DOG]

Lakin' aht.

[RED-DOG]

A bit random I know, but every few months I become obsessed with this song again.

[celtic]

Just been reading that thread, and noticed the thing you said about how many children you have.

As you know (I think) I'm about to become a father again. It seems that almost everyday, I come across someone who asks me if its my first child. And I find myself having to explain it's not. I used to just go with, no, it's my second child, but that then lead on to, oh, how old? are they excited?, what sex? etc, which meant I then had to explain about holly.  So now, I just go straight to the it's my second child, but my daughter died etc.

I hate talking about holly, particularly to people I don't really know that well, it feels kinda awkward, and I very rarely talk about her to people I know well. I don't know why that is. An awkwardness that I can't explain. Do you find this? Do you still feel a bit awkward when people ask how many children you have?

Yours

Your poker secretary

[RED-DOG]

Just been reading that thread, and noticed the thing you said about how many children you have.

As you know (I think) I'm about to become a father again. It seems that almost everyday, I come across someone who asks me if its my first child. And I find myself having to explain it's not. I used to just go with, no, it's my second child, but that then lead on to, oh, how old? are they excited?, what sex? etc, which meant I then had to explain about holly.  So now, I just go straight to the it's my second child, but my daughter died etc.

I hate talking about holly, particularly to people I don't really know that well, it feels kinda awkward, and I very rarely talk about her to people I know well. I don't know why that is. An awkwardness that I can't explain. Do you find this? Do you still feel a bit awkward when people ask how many children you have?

Yours

Your poker secretary

Yes. I do feel awkward when people ask how many children I have, not be cause I don't want to talk about Tommy, but because I don't want to burden someone who is just making polite conversation with such a heavy, emotionally charged answer. It makes them feel uncomfortable.

These days I take it on a case by case basis. If it's casual conversation with a stranger making small talk I'll probably just say that I have four girls and whisper an apology to Tommy under my breath, if it's a slightly deeper conversation or the person is more than a casual acquaintance I'll mention Tommy and then decide on the amount of detail I add depending on their reaction. It's surprising how often they go on to reveal some tragic event from their own lives.

I think their is a kind of comfort and solidarity in sharing something like this with someone who really knows what it's like. In the early days I used to actively seek out other parents who had lost a child. I think it was just to reassure myself that we were not the only ones and that life could go on after such a tragedy.

What I have learned is there is no right or wrong way to deal with it. Just do what works for you.

I know that I will never get over the loss of my son and I wouldn't want to. Grief is the price we pay for loving. I just try to live my life that little bit better, to make up for the one that he never had.

[edgascoigne]

You're amazing, Tom.

[RED-DOG]

Vinny is crap as a poker secretary BTW.

He's OK at letting me know what's on and where, but he looks dreadful in a little black dress.

[Steve Swift]

You're amazing, Tom.

TY Edd, i wanted to post and kind of didn't, but you helped by summing up my feelings.  +1 obv

Steve

[RED-DOG]

This is a great piece.

I love photography.



http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-27516384

[RED-DOG]

If you were to order scampi & chips, how many of each would you expect to get?

[RED-DOG]

I can see you viewing Zelly. Are you home?

[Redsgirl]

Sorry had a load of pages to catch up on, you'd gone by the time I got here.
Yes I'm home, whats happening with you?

[pokerfan]

If you were to order scampi & chips, how many of each would you expect to get?

12/2 decent shovels.

[RED-DOG]

Sorry had a load of pages to catch up on, you'd gone by the time I got here.
Yes I'm home, whats happening with you?

In a break. Have < average chips but still within my comfort zone.

Is everyone OK, and do you like my step?

[RED-DOG]

If you were to order scampi & chips, how many of each would you expect to get?

12/2 decent shovels.

Guess how many I got?