Vagueness and the Aftermath - A sporadic diary

[booder]

Aint 'e 'ansome?

he's no Battery Bob

[boldie]

Aint 'e 'ansome?

he's no Battery Bob

Yeah, whatever happened to good old Baker Bob?

[RED-DOG]

Aint 'e 'ansome?

he's no Battery Bob

More big Barry and Battery eyed Bob soon, I promise. (I'm so easily distracted)

[kinboshi]

Yeah, we want to hear about Bob the Builder!!

[tikay]

Aint 'e 'ansome?

Too right - I never realised they were as big as that, I had them down as starling-size.

I'd love to see him (her?) in the flesh.

Do you hear him "drilling" trees?

[RED-DOG]

Aint 'e 'ansome?

Do you hear him "drilling" trees?

Yes. We knew he was around here somewhere months before we actually saw him.

[Karabiner]

Yeah, we want to hear about Bob the Builder!!

Don't forget Johnny hot-dog..

[RED-DOG]

Yeah, we want to hear about Bob the Builder!!

Don't forget Johnny hot-dog..

Jimmy Hotpot. If you met him Ralph, you would never forget him. He can persuade anyone to do anything.

He rings me up "Tom, will you do x for me?" I always say no, but I don't know why I bother. Both he and I know I'm doing it.

He's quite short for his weight, some might even say (in fact have said) that he's a fat bastard, but he has boundless energy and never switches off.

We used to work together once, driving around industrial estates buying used cars and vans. We would take turns at approaching the gaffer of various firms and factories, and we would always have a little wager on who would be the first to buy something. We used to bet even money, but I reckon Hotty was a 2/1 favourite.

One particular scorching summers day, we had been on the road for hours. I was in my shirt sleeves and Jimmy had removed his shirt altogether. Inexplicably, he had a string vest underneath, this he decided to keep on.

As we were driving from one industrial estate to the next, I managed to surreptitiously cut one of the strings from his vest and tie it to the gearstick of the car without him noticing. It was his turn to call the next factory, and as we pulled into the car park we saw a man in a suit parking his Merc in a reserved space. Getting past the secretary was always a stumbling block in our line of work, and Jimmy was eager to collar the gaffer before he got inside.

He opened the car door almost before the car had stopped and went sprinting toward the guy in the suit calling "Hang on a minute guv!"

The string from his vest that I had tied to the gearstick suddenly pulled tight, but instead of stopping to see what is was, (as I had expected him to) he just tried to ignore it. String vests however are made of very strong string, and soon he could go forward no further without twirling around to unwind a length of vest from his ample girth. Another yard forward and he had to spin around again, all the while the vest was getting shorter.

It must have been a disturbing sight from the MD's point of view. pirouetting toward him from across the car park like some horribly mutated Wonder Woman was a short, fat, semi-nude man. Not only was he semi nude, but he was getting nuder by the second and shouting at the top of his voice.

By the time he caught up with the by now obviously very spooked businessman, only the collar of his vest remained. The rest of it was stretched between him and the car. He looked like an obese Rottweiler on the end of a long white tether. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.

The amazing thing is, even in that state, he still managed to win our bet by persuading the bloke to sell us a Peugeot van with a damaged wing.

Like I say, if you ever met Jimmy Hotpot Ralph, you would never forget him.

[Karabiner]

ROFLMAO

And well worth the wait, more please.

[Laxie]

ROFLMAO

And well worth the wait, more please.

 

[EvilPie]

Aint 'e 'ansome?

Too right - I never realised they were as big as that, I had them down as starling-size.

I'd love to see him (her?) in the flesh.

Do you hear him "drilling" trees?

They're lovely little creatures these green woodpeckers. I used to get one in my garden and spoke to a keen bird watcher to get a little bit of info.

Apparently they spend most of their time in gardens pecking at the grass rather than up trees "drilling". Their primary diet is ants which are obviously found in abundance in our gardens this time of year.

Looking forward to the proper pic of your one Red.

[RED-DOG]

Remember a few pages ago I was taliking about some wild flowers I saw? Here's a quick recap for those who missed it


According to Laxie they are called foxgloves.

According to Rod, the white ones were cultivated by man in the 1700s and escaped into the wild.

According to me, there are either pink ones or white ones but not "Mixed race" ones.

Well I was wrong. Today I found this one.

[RED-DOG]

And what about this for an example of a plant growing in an unlikely spot. How the heck does it make a living?

[tikay]

Plants in unlikely spots? It's amazing how they seed in the first place, if you think about it - a seed needs to be dropped or blown in the right place, & it needs water, but somehow, even in concrete, or paviors, they always pop up.

Have you ever considered what a wondrous thing grass is? When I was younger, I tried to come up with, "invent", a grass that would not grow, just stay short, thought I'd make myself a millionaire, but of course that was a barmy idea, as it wears out, & needs freshening. It feeds animals, looks so nice, & is all around us if we are lucky to live in a temperate clime.

You should take a look at Bill Bryson's piece on Lichens in ASHONE. They just cling to life, somehow, on bare rock, & if you see one dinner-plate size, it may have been hanging onto life, for it's very sake, for thousands of years.

[tikay]

These are lichens. They don't need seeding, water, or pollinating, in fact, I'm not sure they are even a plant. Photo-synthesis is the trick, & the ability to suck nutrients out of rock, which is like getting blood out of a stone.

As with, I think, moss, fungi & algae, they just appear. And exist. For ever.

Read the part about the moss expert at the British Museum if you get a chance, in "ASHONE". You'll be fascinated, & in stitches. Mr Bryson writes so well on the most geeksh of subjects, & somehow brings them to life entertainingly.