Vagueness and the Aftermath - A sporadic diary

[action man]

not at the time you didnt mate....

[Rod Paradise]

glad to have you on board tom 'Up the owls'

if u ever wanna visit hillsborough gimme a shout and ill meet ya in tawwwwwwwn before the game.

Will deffo take you up on that.

Be careful what you say about Sheff Weds online though - they take it personal...

In the past few days, Sheffield Wednesday Football Club has dropped its cases against some of its fans. I am now allowed to write about the worst example of legal bullying I have ever seen.

The club has had serious problems, on and off the pitch, and many of its fans use an internet forum - owlstalk.co.uk - to discuss them. They make the kind of comments you would expect to find on any talk board, and which would normally be forgotten within 15 minutes. Two and half years ago the club launched its first suit. Only now have the people who posted these comments emerged blinking from the labyrinthine nightmare of English law.

[RED-DOG]

Problem: Mixer tap has come loose and is swivelling about in kitchen sink.

Solution: Tighten retaining nut under sink.


Problem: Can't access nut, cupboard under sink full of crap.

Solution: Empty cupboard.


Problem: Can't see, too dark at back of cupboard

Solution: Find torch.


Problem: Can't see, nut too close to eyes when head inside cupboard.

Solution: Find reading glasses


Problem: Arm attached to body in wrong place to reach nut.

Solution: Dislocate shoulder.


Problem: Copper water pipe too close to nut to allow 10mm spanner to fit

Solution: Find ratchet, extention bar, and 10mm socket.


Problem: Threaded bolt too long to allow socket to reach nut.

Solution: Find extended 10mm socket.


Problem: Someone has "Borrowed" 10mm socket.

Solution: shorten bolt by cutting with hacksaw.


Problem: Copper pipe is in way of hacksaw.

Solution: Discard hacksaw handle and use small piece of broken blade, spend one hour cutting bolt.


Problem: As nut is tightened, tap revolves.

Solution: Hold tap still.


Problem: Can't reach tap while head in cupboard.

Solution: Ask someone to hold tap.


Problem: No one here.

Solution: Spend one hour making mole grips, towel, jubilee clip, and Tupperware box into rig to hold tap.


Problem: Nut is fully tight but tap still revolves.

Solution: Remove tap to examine.


Problem: Nut is seized and will only move halfway down the thread.

Solution: Apply WD40.


Problem: Nut frees suddenly under pressure and causes knuckles to contact cold water pipe joint. Impact removes knuckles and breaks joint resulting in unwanted put probably necessary cold shower.

Solution: Race to stop tap like soggy maniac, replace broken pipe joint with spare miraculously found in shed.


Problem: Upon examination, tap revolves because manufacturers have failed to fit rubber bush to top side.

Solution: Make rubber bush using piece cut from car mat in certain knowledge that Mrs Red will kill me when she finds out. Reassemble tap, tighten nut, test system by filling kettle.

[RED-DOG]

Problem: Made tea, then, on way back to computer, tripped over crap from kitchen cupboard and spilled it.

[AndrewT]

spend one hour cutting bolt.

I think he should have been banned first before such drastic measures were taken.

[tikay]

Six-nil, six-nil, six-nil, six-nil.

[RED-DOG]

Six-nil, six-nil, six-nil, six-nil.

It's a blip...

[tikay]

You're not singing, you're not singing, you're not singing any more, you're not singing any more.

[tikay]

Sing when you're winning, you only sing when you're winning, sing when you're winnnnninnnng.

[RED-DOG]

Sigh...

[Laxie]

No pity for you unless you've lost feeling in injured hand. 

[Snatiramas]

You're not singing, you're not singing, you're not singing any more, you're not singing any more.

Am I mistaken in thinking your team is the once mighty Derby County Mr. TK sir

Red it is the true supporter who understands the emptiness of a good thrashing. I once had the misfortune to watch my team lose 5 0 in an FA Cup semi final.......the good news is that on Saturday you can forget about it as there is another game

[ShatnerPants]

Six-nil, six-nil, six-nil, six-nil.

It's a blip...

Nothing to worry about.

Reading are potential Premiership players on their day.

Wednesday went out to take the game to their opponents rather than try to struggle to a 10 man behind the ball bore-draw.

When it was 0-0 and 1-0 the Owls had chances to score.  If Esajas' free kick had gone it it would have been a different game.

Jeffers came off the bench and needed the run out.

Small came off the bench and showed a couple of decent touches.

You might as well get beaten 6 as 3.

It was good for the neutral.  Football was the winner.

Win one , lose one, is better than drawing two.

and many other platitudes that spring to mind.

[RED-DOG]

What he said.

[ShatnerPants]

What he said.

Basically if you learn this stuff pretty much parrot fashion, and change the names a bit every now and then,  you'll be able to talk as much rubbish down the pub as any other football fan out there.

It's kept me going for the last 30 years anyway, and so far noones found me out yet.

Damn, that's a bit of a givaway, isn't it.