Okay society you win- Diary of a fat boy

[boldie]

You will be with me in the build up, through the up and coming Jewish holidays to the actual day itself and then my friends this diary will move on or rather drift away into the ether. I never meant it to go on for this long to be honest with you. It is a bit like the old comment about Bournemouth. You know the one about the retired person who goes down to Bournemouth to die and then forgets to.

Haw Slim!! - that may be the point where you find out the bad side of blonde 

You write too well and have hinted at too many things we want to hear more about to stop now.

Agreed, we'll miss it if you stop!

+1 You know my feelings on this one Snatty...if only a weekly Guinness story..keeps us entertained, you see?

[Chompy]

Snatty, you now weigh less than me, nice work. I will be inspired one of these days

[Snatiramas]

It is the first day of Rosh Hashanah, and these days are known as the days of awe. Why the days of awe? Well the Rabbi's tell us that during this time it is exceedingly appropriate for Jews to practice repentance which means examining ones ways in anticipation of Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement and signifies the day when God makes his decree as to regards whether you live or die for the coming year.

When I was a child it always made me a little bit nervous this time of year, after all if I did do something wrong, would I really be condemned to death. I didn't realise as a child that I could not be held responsible for my actions until after my bar mitzvah, if only I had known. Let me be honest with you, or rather here comes another Phil story.

Growing up in Leicester was truly a great experience. Why? Because I had a small group of very close friends, friends I had known since ... well let me put it this way I had known them since we had all been in prams together. They were then and still are my closest friends. I grew up with them and they know more about me than even my parents. Adam and Rachel met a number of my friends from Leicester at a bar mitzvah recently. They loved all the stories they were told about how their father was the bad boy in the group, as they always assume that I do everything that I am supposed to due to the fact that during their lives this has been the case.

Of course this wasn't always the case. There were times as a child when I was really almost totally uncontrollable and whilst this fills me with a certain amount of, I think the word is sadness but I'm not totally sure this is correct, it also helped turn me into the person that I am today. I will recite to you now a story that nobody except those who were there know about. During the high holidays, the high holidays being Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the community in Leicester swelled in size.

What this meant for us as children was that there were two services. The main shul service, which had all the regular attendees in it including our little cadre’s parents, and a service for the rest of the community and all the children. This service was held in the communal hall, which was where Hebrew classes were held every Sunday. Well we as a group knew our way round this building better than anybody. We knew that in one of the classrooms we could access a tunnel that led to metal grilles that looked down over the hall and service below.

So one Rosh Hashanah a group of us went into the classroom, climbed onto the cupboard, lifted up a chair, opened up the hatch and clambered up into the tunnel. I have to say it felt quite exciting. We knew we should not be doing it but we were doing it anyway. We knew we definitely shouldn't be doing it on Rosh Hashanah, and you have to remember dear reader that we come from generations of guilt but also love. Was this going to stop us? Seems unlikely. So there we were looking through the grille on to the service below, wondering what to do next when all of a sudden we come up with the following bright idea. We knew in one of the cupboards that there was a water pistol so we decided that we would fill it with water and squirt it on unsuspecting members of the community sitting below.

We find the fluorescent green water pistol and quietly sneak off to the gents and fill it with water. We climb back up to our perch above the service and take it in turns to squirt people that we don't like whilst they are trying to absolve their sins. Ladies and gentlemen let me leave you in no doubt whatsoever, that if you are going to commit a crime, make sure that whatever you do, you have some means of escape. It did not take long for the community to work out that it was not an air conditioning problem that was causing them to get wet but rather a group of children that were doing what children do best. What do children do best? They push the boundaries to the very limit of what is acceptable and then stomp all over them.

Now as we are in the period of repentance I felt it was only fair to come clean and say that it was my idea that we sprayed the community with water and that I am very sorry to my friends for not owning up. I know we all got into quite a lot of trouble over this one but when we all get together we still laugh about it now and will do so hopefully for many years to come.

Whilst I am on the subject of repentance I really should take the opportunity to apologise to anybody that I may have offended over the past year no matter how inadvertently, after all having a mind like a rapier does cause me to say  before thinking.............frequently.

Plans for the Bar Mitzvah gather pace. We all went out suit shopping last weekend. Then later on Anne Marie and Rachel went dress shopping. Listen I know this is all over the top but I believe that you can’t have the moment again, so live the moment to its absolute fullest and if that means spending your hard earned in a frivolous way then so be it. Adam is lucky that his grandparents are still alive and I have every intention of throwing a superb family party that lives longer in the memory than on the video.

We have started the speeches and I will post them after the event. Anne Marie thinks I am delivering the one that we are going to work on together, I think that the evil child is at work and the version that trips forward from my mouth might be a little different. These things are so tricky. It is a very fine line between making people laugh and falling flat on your face. Anyway we have sorted Adam out and used his words and ideas but just polished them a bit. He looks a little nervous now but he would never let on. He has his first league match this weekend and a match report will follow next week.

Rachel has all her outfits sorted and right now I can hear her singing in the shower. This always makes me laugh as she fights tooth and nail not to go in and the second the first jet of water hits her she starts singing at the top of her voice. Today’s rendition is from Rock School, no I tell a lie it is Hairspray.

So on to the diet. I have been pretty good this week. I have had tons and tons of positive strokes from the community who have not seen me for a couple of weeks. As you lot all know positive strokes are almost as hard to deal with as guilt. “Don’t you look great” really makes me want to go running for a bag of Cheese and Onion crisps, a flavour I hasten to add that I would not have touched with a bargepole pre diet. A calm week deserves some calm music so I put on a little Simon and Garfunkel which I instantly change to Lou Reed blasting out White Light, White Heat. I mean how could I look you all in the eye after using S and G on the stereo. Pop up onto the scales. Two pounds. Only two pounds. Whoa. Wait a minute. Your weight is still going down. 73 pounds total. Do not beat yourself up big man. Worse was to follow as the counsellor and I got into quite a discussion on the rebellious child issue. Ie. I really need to control this instinct hard to break my food addiction. I of course love rebellious child as he does all the fun stuff. Of course he also inspires me to break the diet........we will have to see.

[The-Crow]

Hi m8

I friend of ours came round and we offered her a coffee.

She said "No thanks I'm fasting"

We said " Oh, for how long"

She said "for many many weeks now   its been very hard"

Then she said" We wake up at 4 am every morning and have a full breakfast"

She explained that they only fast during the hours of daylight

I like that diet m8, the daylight diet

[boldie]

top post once again Snatty.

[Simon Galloway]

I've just speed-read it from start to finish.  A very good read, and very inspirational, particularly after sharing a (poker) table with you the other night and seeing the results first hand.  A hearty well done you.  I am on a pre-Vegas diet atm, which basically equates to "don't put any more on" and will obv eat well when out there, although usually do manage to lose weight out there skipping meals is so easy to do.

Anyway, when I get back, enough is enough.  I am now in the 20st club and I am going to give the Lighter Life a blast when I get back, here's a few questions for you if you wouldn't mind:

1. Side effects.  (more than normal) flatulence?  Halitosis?  Headaches?  Other?

2. Group hugs.  I share your initial apprehension, what is your view now some way in to the course?

3. Diet Buster moments.  Family occasions, meals out with work, dinner functions, etc, what's the plan?

4. Occasional lapses, medical/phsical/emotional impact of eating real food?

5. Plan for reverting to 'normal' (albeit the new normal) when you have got to your happy place?

6.  Anything else you would advise someone starting up to do?

Cheers Phil.

[Snatiramas]

Hi Simon please see responses below

I've just speed-read it from start to finish. Firstly my sympathies for this as nobody should have to go through such an ordeal. You may need counselling for some time A very good read, and very inspirational, particularly after sharing a (poker) table with you the other night and seeing the results first hand.  A hearty well done you.  I am on a pre-Vegas diet atm, which basically equates to "don't put any more on" and will obv eat well when out there, although usually do manage to lose weight out there skipping meals is so easy to do.

Anyway, when I get back, enough is enough.  I am now in the 20st club and I am going to give the Lighter Life a blast when I get back, here's a few questions for you if you wouldn't mind:

1. Side effects.  (more than normal) flatulence?  Halitosis?  Headaches?  Other?Flatulence for me was not a problem. Just normal bloke proportions. Halitosis on the other hand was / is a problem I use Retardex breath spray which helps a lot. First two days I had a bad head ache but after that initial carbohydrate withdrawal period I have felt great.

2. Group hugs.  I share your initial apprehension, what is your view now some way in to the course?Okay I was very nervous about the group sessions for although I talk loads most of it is not about personal stuff. I love the sessions, I mix with a whole group of men chatting about issues that are common to us all. The counsellor is very very good but very strict and does not pull her punches. Take time to find the best counsellor for you even if it means you have to drive a bit. Like all things in life some are better than others

3. Diet Buster moments.  Family occasions, meals out with work, dinner functions, etc, what's the plan?I think the best plan is to tell people up front you are on the diet. Tell them you will not be eating. Take a bar with you. It is not difficult and of course people will ask you what you are doing which straight away puts you into rather a nice place to talk about how the plan is working for you. It also makes every mouthful for them very self conscious. This leaves you with two courses of action a) you like the people and so you go for a little walk while they eat their main course or b) just sit there staring at them...the sadist in me quite likes option b. Those that love you support and those that don't, you don't care about anyway.

4. Occasional lapses, medical/physical/emotional impact of eating real food? Medically I have never felt so well. No colds flu or feeling tired in the middle of the day. I walk three times a week. I hate the exercise but absolutely love the feeling of recovery. The plan is categorical you do not eat during abstinence. If you do have a weaker moment, and let us be honest I have had a load, the only advice I can give you is do not beat yourself up or feel guilty about it. Just make sure you start again. Do not give up trying. Failure is giving up trying and not the breaking of boundaries. Know this absolutely though, everytime you break a boundary you are extending the length of time you will be doing this diet

5. Plan for reverting to 'normal' (albeit the new normal) when you have got to your happy place?This is the really crucial bit of the diet. Understanding food properly. They reintroduce it in groups. Sugars from fruit gets reintroduced in week 3. This is the toughest week from what I have seen. If you decide to give up abstinence before getting to your goal weight see if you can do maintenance anyway. What I have seen is that those people who have got larger again did not go through maintenance or have not found the emotional trigger that makes them crave food. I know what mine is and can to a greater degree control it now

6.  Anything else you would advise someone starting up to do?Go for it. I put on Rookies thread that you have to build an imaginary wall behind you. You are not going backwards from that point. This worked for me. Tell everybody you are going to do it. I have to tell you that thought of going backwards and giving the sceptics the opportunity to turn round and say I told you so etc. has driven me on. This thread has been a great place for me to let out frustration and thoughts and also deflect me from food. You need to find deflecting strategies for when you have cravings. You will have cravings but you will see them for what they are

Cheers Phil.

Lastly no matter what anybody says to you do not listen to them. You are doing this for you not for them. You will get selfish but you can succeed and I wish you every success. Anybody who can go through what you are going through at the table right now and still want to play is plenty stubborn enough to shed a few pounds if they choose to

Phil

[Snatiramas]

The way I write my weekly piece for the thread hasn’t changed since the very start. I sit down and just start typing whatever zings through my head at that moment in time. I don’t research it beforehand; I don’t change it much on review. I believe that this breaks every literary rule known to man. Miraculously and out of nowhere this brings me to the fast of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. A day full of rules, but actually only one that is important. Look at all of the things that you did wrong and genuinely repent for them.

The religion is full of rules. You can’t do this, you mustn’t do that, but really at the end of it all, the bits that I take are the ethical framework and guidance. Could I have got this framework in some other place, almost certainly. Did it have to be religiously inspired? Almost certainly not. As I sit back having fasted for another year, the reflective mood that has descended on me like an old friend come to visit, made me realise that so much of the time I spent with my family as a child was based around the Shul and the various festivals.

Take Yom Kippur. Do I remember it for the fasting? I remember it for the walk home along London Road with my Dad. For conker hunting outside Stoneygate Court. Just spending time chatting about this and that, school, the family, what my friends were up to. Just time spent together not realising at the time how cool it was. Now that Adam is up to it he walks home with me on Kol Nidre (the evening of the fast. Kol Nidre means all vows). We went conker hunting, talked about this and that, laughed a lot. Without consciously thinking about it the cycle continues. He has further to walk. It was only three miles to my parents house from the Shul in Leicester, now it is four and a half miles. We talked about the Bar Mitzvah and school and coping with expectation.

 Then we got onto more serious subjects such as, which girl he has his eye on at school and inevitably rugby. It was the happiest hour and a half I have spent for some considerable time. No pressure, no phone, no outside influences. Magic. We talked about the Kol Nidre service and the tunes, which he loved. It is a most haunting awe inspiring service for one who believes.

I slept well got up at eight, which is late for me, and walked back to the service. It was a wonderful morning and the mist was disappearing off the fields by the stables on Smug Oak Lane as I was walking down. I love the name Smug Oak Lane. I mean what is a Smug Oak and exactly what is it smug about.

 I stayed in the service for the whole day, thinking, praying, chatting to friends. Totally relaxed. You see the rub of it is this. The fast is not about fasting. The fasting is not an inconvenience. It is not even particularly hard; it is just a mindset that makes you want to embrace it rather than fight it. In fact I used a similar mindset on the diet, which involves embracing a change in my life and not worrying or resisting it.

No   the fast is about repentance. It is about taking the time to consciously look at the way you have behaved towards yourself and more importantly others. Some would say this is where the whole Jewish guilt cycle begins but trust me it doesn’t. What it does for me is make me realise that the old school report comment of “tries hard could do better” is still relevant. Particularly as I think I try harder now than I did as a pupil.

So to Rachel. She is amazing. Imagine that your brother or sister is getting the biggest possible party thrown for them. That presents are arriving all the time. That there is huge focus on the sibling. Maybe just maybe you would get a little bit jealous. Rachel has been fantastic. Beautiful and level headed, though I have warned her that when she brings a young man home to meet the family he will be getting extra long spaghetti and no knife if you know what I mean.

Tomorrow Rachel and I are doing a little road trip up to Leicester watch the Tigers versus the Ospreys. Stop for lunch at my sisters and then go to the game. I can’t wait as although it is great when we are altogether, when I get Adam or Rachel on their own somehow they open up that bit more.

So what’s news on the Bar Mitzvah? Well Adam should just about know it all in time. There are after all only three weeks left to go. I still need a suit and slightly more worrying is that Anne Marie is still looking for a hat……..the hat saga is absolutely doing my head in. It is a Mars, Venus thing. One head, one hat. How hard can it be? Well the West End could not come up with a solution and neither could Fonthill Road. I am leaving her to it now.

We also visited the Red Lion as we are all staying there on Shabbat. We have booked nine rooms for the religious members of the family. The rest will all drive. It should be an eye opener for some of those staying as they will be staying in rooms above a pub. For most it may be the first time that they have visited a pub for some time. Tomorrow Anne Marie and Adam go to the venue for the party to discuss the menus etc. I think we will have around one hundred and seventy coming……..should be quite a party.

And finally to fat club. New guy started on Thursday and he was very apprehensive. I saw a lot of myself in him. The excuses. The fear. Especially the denial. I am still having trouble with the denial, but I have a far greater knowledge and understanding of why I behave in the way I do than I did just a few short months ago. Here we go up onto the scales and yes ladies and gentlemen another four and a half pounds this week. That is a total of seventy seven and a half pounds……………feels good. You will have to excuse me now as I have to go and build a Succah……..what is a Succah? More next week

[taximan007]

Just read through the complete thread:

a really

TOP QUALITY READ

Thank you so much for sharing this with us all,

[Jon MW]

... Look at all of the things that you did wrong and genuinely repent for them.
...

How do you fit that into just the one day? 

[cia260895]

usual tops read snatty.

1 question to you if you dont mind.

as i understand it from a piece of my sons homework

A bar mitzvah is to celebrate the start of being an adult for the son,

A bat mitzvah is to celebrate the start of being an adult for the daughter,

Personally I have never heard of a bat mitzvah? is the bat mitzvah celebrated equally?

[Snatiramas]

usual tops read snatty.

1 question to you if you dont mind.

as i understand it from a piece of my sons homework

A bar mitzvah is to celebrate the start of being an adult for the son,

A bat mitzvah is to celebrate the start of being an adult for the daughter,

Personally I have never heard of a bat mitzvah? is the bat mitzvah celebrated equally?

It is an interesting one. When I had a bar mitzvah the girls generally did not have a bat mitzvah. Now the girls all have a bat mitzvah but they tend not to be as large. I have however started salting plenty away for the wedding.

Rachel will have a bat mitzvah where she will give a sermon to the whole community on the shabbat and she will have a party for family and her friends, so in honesty it is not as big but the studying is just as important

[Karabiner]

Great post as always Phil, and I must admit you do make me feel just a teensy bit guilty or is it jealous ?

[Dingdell]

Lovely read Phil. x

I bet the fasting was a breeze for you!

[Snatiramas]

Great post as always Phil, and I must admit you do make me feel just a teensy bit guilty or is it jealous ?

Sorry mate that is a genetic disorder and nothing to do with me.......the door is always open......just got to walk back through