An account of Jeeves' trip to Las Vegas latterly in the service of Mr tikay.

[AlexMartin]

You guys should wrtie a book for sure, astounding read, would pay for it. BOB deffo!

[Snatiramas]

Sir you are nothing short of genius and this line alone should ensure your entry into best of Blonde


I was quiet for a moment, from outside we heard the far off drone of a small light aircraft trailing a banner across the sky. We turned and saw the banner which read "I'm Mr Chip Tricks, and yes I am a cock".


I can't believe I missed this thred

[Jeeves]

Wednesday

It is the early hours of the morning here in Las Vegas and I find myself once again awaiting the arrival of the Master for his bed-time Horlicks. I've surfed all 363 Television Channels here in my ante-chamber, surreptiously looked at Master's facebook account and spotted some rather superb pictures of female Poker Players in Berkshire (who seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to smile without showing their teeth, but failed miserably to detract attention from their shapely forms in tight fitting jeans) on there with which to entertain myself and then some more pictures in a thread on this very forum, written the subsequent fan-mail letters to a Lady Chilli of Grantham and Duchess Shannon Elizabeth of California and now I find myself once more at a loose-end.

This is a familiar story of a manservant in the duty of a peripatetic Master.  Not for me, or him, the joys of a regular routine but instead the waiting, the interminable waiting. All too frequently too the hushed call in the early hours, where somehow one's ear is attuned to a different sound from the telephone, one alerting the loyal servant of imminent danger and the likely need to bail out said Master and his chums from the local Police Station after two halves of bitter top.

It was not meant to be like this, cooped up on the 22nd floor of a Vegas hotel Monolith and once some years ago it looked like it would be so different.

Master Floppy had left Eton. A life of fagging was past him. Cambridge beckoned. Oh the joy to one such as myself! Would Master head for the Footlights? Would he dazzle the whole college with his witty repartee before embarking on a career in Law, the City or the Arts? I must say I walked with a spring in my step those days, so proud to serve the young Master.

However one day my faithful servant's springy step was flung to a far off corner of the room. Master Floppy had some disturbing news

"Jeeves, I'm off to Hull. University of the People. Viva Las Prescott, up the revolution!"

"Hull s-s-s-sir?" I stammered

"There's a new Hull college in Cambridge?" I enquired, somewhat forlornly

"No Jeeves, Hull in East Riding"

There was an uneasy silence. I was, quite at odds with my training, dumbstruck

"but Sir" as I mustered a sentence "Think of your lineage, your father and your future. Think Merchant Bank, think Barrister, not Hull!"

"No Jeeves, we leave on Monday, Hull it is. Childcare, Global Poverty and Woodwork is  the course for me"

Three long years in Hull passed. Inside I was desperately unhappy at the direction Master was taking but hoping he would mature soon, and settle for convention, for slippers and the Daily Telegraph.

However it was not to be. In mid 2005 Master told me that he had accepted a position, for minimal pay, working alongside his friends Lady jennifer and Lord Adam of Snoopy for a new outfit called blonde Poker. My spirits momentarily soared. Was Master to be the accountant, or the Information technology guru? The marketing man or the man who updates the news box (top right of forum, lots of valuable information, don't miss it)?. However the moment was soon shattered

"No Jeeves, Journalism is my game, I'm going to write up hands, post pictures of MC Hammer, kittens, bubbles and Oversized boulders. This is me, this is my life. I am the Floppy. Word!"

With that he bounded like an over-size puppy into his bed-room, logged on to a forum and began to post in a thread entitled "O/T Two Word Poker Story".

Three years later here we are. Master has some more responsibility these days, and his services are in demand. His Masters think enough of him that he is allowed a blog, in which he details his thoughts and cross-references to his obscure collection of Blues and Rock Music. The music that I have to put three ear-plugs in when he puts it on his turntable late at night.

Not for us a life in the City, mega-bucks, early mornings, a wife in the Shires, a Mistress in Town and trip's to Max Mosley's house for fun and frolics. No, here we are, paid a pittance, irregular hours, no chance of meeting Mr Mosley and one frustrated Manservant.

Five minutes ago Master returned form his late night reverie. He crept in so as not to disturb me, but sadly for him the sound of a Vase shattered on the floor (full of Hyancinth's, his favourites ) caused me to pop my head into the bathroom and enquire of his well-being

"I'm ok Jeeves" he said with his head half way down the toilet Bowl.

"Great cocktails tonight, and I finished 3rd in a Hi-Lo STT at the Treasure Island, Craps is a great game. Only lost a hundo on it. Toot toot!"

and with that, as I shut the doors to the whimpering cries of Master, intermittently barfing into the abyss below I permitted myself a brief sigh, as I retired to bed. 

[Karabiner]

Top hole, keep 'em coming please.

[kinboshi]

"This is a familiar story of a manservant in the duty of a peripatetic Master."

Beautiful bit of prose 

[julian]

tip top ramblings

[boldie]

This just gets better and better.

[Tonji]

Classic Jeeves 

a suitable musical interlude....

[Jeeves]

Wednesday


Thank you Tonji. Of Course the venerable and esteemed Mr Stephen Fry is a national Treasure and quite simply the best screen account of my character. He doesn't like girls though, and there we part company.

Meanwhile, Master retired to his bed-room at 3.45am looking rather pale and wan.

He woke me fifteen minutes later to say he had wet the bed, and could I please change his sheets. Not only that, but unknown to him he had chosen to urinate in his sock drawer too.

I am currently engaged in wringing out said socks, but felt I needed to thank Tonji for the quite delightful tune he allowed me to indulge in, but momentarily. 

[Jeeves]

Thursday

The long days drag on here in Nevada. Blistering sun beats down on the metropolis whilst most of what Master refers to as "degens" sleep until sunset. I myself, attuned to decades of service on a conventional routine, have always been more of a day person than a night person. However that becomes difficult when one, both through years of servitude and because of the request of the young Master, has to remain attired into top and tails whether in the ante chamber, attending to Master while he "blogs" or, as I did earlier today, reposing by the side of the swimming pool alongside the Duchess of Colwick and the Countess Chiprich of East Keswick (suspiciously stubbly, as a matter of fact) who I met late last night in the 7-11 behind the hotel on my errand to fetch Master a packet of Skittles and a Pokemon trading card pack.

This evening, as I brushed Master's brogues I was again disturbed by his eager entreaties

"Jeeves! Jeeves!" he shouted as he burst into the room

"I need urgent help!"

I took a deep breath, suppressing the urge to tell Master that he was guilty of stating the obvious. I was wondering what on earth it could be this time.

"Take your time Master,and slowly tell me the problem" I said soothingly

"Jeeves Jeeves Jeeves I've made the most terrible mistake" The words tumbled out, an all too obvious symptom of his upset and discord.

"I write this blog right, all about my degen shib it holla balla life here in Vegas. Except I didn't think anyone would read it and it turns out they do and Oh Jeeves......"

His words trailed off disconcertingly. Somehow I knew that we had not quite reached the Heart of the Matter.

"Go on sir" I said, betraying a little impatience and mentally re-booking myself in to the Manservant's refresher course for dealing with imbeciles, on my return to home shores.

"Well Jeeves, I wanted to look cool and balla and so I thought I'd end every blog entry with a reference to really cool music. Problem is Jeeves I've never listened to it, or heard of half of the names. Tonight one of the other bloggers told me how much he loved my song of the day – Mannish Boy by Muddy Waters. "Because the blues rocks" I said and he totally dug that and started talking about Hoochie Coochie Man"

"and the problem sir?" prompting him to get to the point

"Well that's it Jeeves. I can bluff at an Omaha pot with a bare Ace on a one suit flop but ask me to bluff about music and I'm sunk Jeeves. What shall I do?"

"Well sir, honesty has to be the best policy. Why not tell the truth. How you love Girls aloud, especially singing along to Call the Shots in the Shower?"

"Jeeves!" He shouted "It's terrible. I said I had been to see Muddy Waters in concert last year"

"but sir, he died in 1983" I said, not too helpfully in the circumstances

"Yes Jeeves, Yes but everyone laughed at me, I haven't been so embarrassed since Leslie Limp-turtle stole my homemade cottage pie in Mansfield Park"

"Well sir, one can not look back, what's done is done. However perhaps there is a valuable lesson here. Be true to yourself, and don't try to be something you are not. Perhaps its best if you stay Far from the Madding Crowd tonight, and allow yourself to recover. It will all be forgotten in the morning"   

"If you say so Jeeves"

"Yes sir"


and with that Master fired up his laptop, opened six Tilt Omaha tables and was within minutes contentedly reciting the script for the Series three, episode 2 of the A-Team, long since committed to memory.

As I attended to ironing his pyjamas for what was to be a rare early night I could hear cacophonous laughter interspersed with the catchphrases from long ago from the other side of the adjoining door...

"Whad'ya talking about Fool?"

"I ain't going on no plane"

on a continuous loop, as the sound of Hear'say and Avril Lavigne on ITunes mingled with the sound of the "Reload Now?" button on the poker software.

Master, at last, was where he belongs

[Laxie]

 

Best one yet by a MILE!!!

[Claw75]

fab

[boldie]

top stuff indeed.

[booder]

top stuff indeed.

[kinboshi]

Love the ending to that one.  Brilliant!