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bobAlike
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« Reply #1125 on: May 10, 2014, 12:19:26 PM » |
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Just trying to pay fromage to the great cheeses
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Ah! The element of surprise
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moonandback
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« Reply #1126 on: June 21, 2014, 01:32:08 PM » |
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Q. what do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow
A. a stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funding.
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its better that i have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
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RED-DOG
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« Reply #1127 on: June 21, 2014, 02:06:04 PM » |
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A lorry carrying sex aids has crashed on the M1. Police say there are long tailbacks due to rubber knackers.
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The older I get, the better I was.
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MANTIS01
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« Reply #1128 on: July 03, 2014, 05:02:13 PM » |
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The wife is cross with me again
Last night while she was fast asleep I gently removed her tampax and replaced it with a party popper leaving the string hanging out
I'm telling you, that women's got no sense of humour at all
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Tikay - "He has a proven track record in business, he is articulate, intelligent, & presents his cases well"
Claw75 - "Mantis is not only a blonde legend he's also very easy on the eye"
Outragous76 - "a really nice certainly intelligent guy"
taximan007 & Girgy85 & Celtic & Laxie - <3 Mantis
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MANTIS01
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« Reply #1129 on: July 03, 2014, 05:03:07 PM » |
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Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneeded a poo.
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Tikay - "He has a proven track record in business, he is articulate, intelligent, & presents his cases well"
Claw75 - "Mantis is not only a blonde legend he's also very easy on the eye"
Outragous76 - "a really nice certainly intelligent guy"
taximan007 & Girgy85 & Celtic & Laxie - <3 Mantis
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bobAlike
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« Reply #1130 on: July 03, 2014, 09:40:57 PM » |
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Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneeded a poo.
I did lol  |
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Ah! The element of surprise
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celtic
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« Reply #1131 on: July 03, 2014, 11:41:35 PM » |
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Why did the baker have brown hands?
Because he kneeded a poo.
I did lol |
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Keefy is back  But for how long? |
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bobby1
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« Reply #1132 on: September 12, 2014, 03:38:04 AM » |
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The inventor of the anagram has died.
May he erect a penis.
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“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
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baldock92
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« Reply #1133 on: September 12, 2014, 04:08:45 AM » |
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Due to the breaking news on the Oscar Pistorius trial we should be reminded of the valentines day (the day he shot his missus) poem:
Roses are red,
Violet's are glorious,
Never sneak up on,
Oscar Pistorius
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Feed em rice.
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theprawnidentity
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« Reply #1134 on: September 13, 2014, 01:14:03 AM » |
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A few I enjoyed recently:
A hot blonde goes into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre. The barman gives it to her.
To the man who broke into my house last night and stole my copy of Microsoft office, I will find you, I will hurt you. You have my word.
I started writing a stage production of the film Twister but I didn't get past the first draft.
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baldock92
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« Reply #1135 on: September 13, 2014, 02:52:19 AM » |
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To the man who broke into my house last night and stole my copy of Microsoft office, I will find you, I will hurt you. You have my word.
Love this |
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Feed em rice.
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sunny1
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« Reply #1136 on: October 15, 2014, 08:24:35 AM » |
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Telephone rings late at night.
Husband: 'If it's for me then say that I'm not at home'
Wife answers: 'He is at home'
Husband: 'What the hell?'
Wife: 'It was for me'
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RED-DOG
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« Reply #1137 on: January 05, 2015, 11:11:43 PM » |
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For years I thought my wife had tourettes. Turns out she really did want me to fuck off.
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The older I get, the better I was.
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bobby1
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« Reply #1138 on: January 14, 2015, 06:09:08 PM » |
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Board game idea:
BONOPOLY: like Monopoly but where the streets have no name.
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“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”
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booder
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« Reply #1139 on: January 15, 2015, 08:27:15 PM » |
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JONATHAN ROSS CAUGHT SHOPLIFTING IN IKEA Ross was shown CCTV pictures of him putting an item in his jacket while in the "kitchen utensil" section of the store. When questioned by store detectives as to his actions, he replied "I thought it was worth the whisk" |
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Quote from: action man
im not speculating, either, but id have been pretty peeved if i missed the thread and i ended up getting clipped, kindly accepting a lift home.
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr
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