I haven’t put up a message on here recently as I have been trying to get my head round things and have been trying to explain everything to my family. Obviously they are incredibly upset but are going to help me through this. I obviously need help and am in the process of getting help from the right places.
I really need to apologise to a lot of people, to the investors for the loss of funds and the distress and anxiety it has caused them and the knock on effects this will have for them. I also need to apologise to generally everyone on blonde for letting them all down, including the mod’s and everyone associated to the site. I also need to apologise to my close friends who were also led to believe the lies about my lifestyle and other factors. I have let down an awful lot of people and I can only hope in time that people can find some way to forgive me.
I left yesterday, after not sleeping or eating for almost 2 days, to explain the whole situation to my family. Having cried almost all the way on the motorway I almost turned round but knew deep deep down that they had to know. This was such a hard thing to do, to look my family in the eye and tell them what had happened and what a lie I had been telling them in the past.
This whole situation was set up with 100% legitimate intentions and I genuinely believed that it would make money. The failings were mainly because I was too embarrassed to admit to anyone of being a failure at what I set out to do. Looking back now I obviously know I should have come clean straight away but the stupid side of me thought I could use the money to chase bets and force trades that weren’t correct and this obviously didn’t work either. Sadly things then spiralled uncontrobally, not through dishonesty but a lost way and everything got completely out of control for me.
I tried using my own money to get things back on track and in doing so lost literally every penny I had. I had cashed out ISA’s, sold national savings and even borrowed money from friends. I didn’t know where to stop and my thoughts were that the only way out was to try to borrow more to win this back. This probably is hard for anyone to believe but at the time and point where I was living this huge lie I saw this as my only way out. I couldn’t see the wood for the trees and I realise I should have come clean along time ago.
I haven’t profited from doing this in anyway, shape or form. I haven’t siphoned off money to any other accounts as both Betfair accounts are completely empty, my personal bank account is an unauthorised overdraft, I have no real assets and I don’t have any cash to my name. There are obviously going to be plenty of rumours flying around but I would like to say that I didn’t pay a penny towards my recent holiday to Florida apart from a bit of spending money whilst there.
At some points in time I have made some absolutely ridiculous posts on blonde about the situation. Its well known that some people wanted this to fail from the start and a few have joked about the money being lost a long time ago. I stupidly went along with the joke occasionally thinking that if I got angered by these posts it may raise suspicions. Obviously looking back this was incredibly stupid and I realise how bad this may look to some people but my intentions were focused on trying to get people their money back as soon as possible.
I spent some time yesterday trying to work out exactly where the losses are and to work out exactly how much money is owed to everyone. I am currently doing all I can to work through this incredible mess. I swear that in my heart of hearts I will do everything I can to get everyone their money back but people have to understand that I am currently unemployed without a penny to my name. On Monday I will be out searching for a job, although im guessing I wont be able to pick up anything that pays overly well. I already have the local paper with job vacancies in and have made a list of phone calls to make. I will attempt to get some temp work, or bar work until something permanent comes along. I will inform each of the investors about exactly what kind of jobs I have applied for and the responses I get from these. I have cancelled every luxury and even small privileges in my life and will carry on to do so. Once I get a new job it is my intention to work out ways of how I can start to repay people, in any way I can, and for however long it may take. What im really trying to say is im going to almost put my whole life on hold until this is sorted out and this really is my number one priority, although saying this, it will be very tough for me on a low income.
This will be my last post on the blonde forum but I want to contact each and everyone of the individuals involved in the investment and to hear their individual thoughts. My personal email address is email@example.com
and would like each investor to get in contact, so we can try to sort this situation out and to have their thoughts. I will also speak to investors on the phone if they send me their contact number. I know that an awful lot of people are incredibly angry, upset and feeling let down by this but I genuinely am trying to sort the situation out. I am getting help for my problems and demons and hopefully in time I can turn my life around.