Prose from a Poshboy

[smashedagain]

Place with a big rock you can climb?

Just reading a hiccup in the bbp thread

[cambridgealex]

So the real trip started today, and we've already had a bit of a hiccup!

I check out of the lovely hotel Pokerstars put me in and get a local bus to my first stop. The journey takes 2 hours and was pretty horrible. The roads were bad and the bus had no AC and terrible suspension, so it was very bumpy and hot, but the scenery around was amazing, lush green hills and lakes with little villages every so often. Lovely sunshine and blue skies too.

After 90 minutes of the journey we pulled up outside a long block of terraced houses (I say houses, they were bungalows and were absolutely tiny must’ve had two or three rooms in max). The bus driver got out and wandered into one of the houses. Odd, I thought. I looked around and realised I was the only person on the bus left, everyone had got off at previous stops. I had spent the journey looking out the window so had been pretty oblivious to this.

Surely the driver knows I'm here? Surely he's just popping into this house to get something. Maybe a drink? Maybe it's a shop in disguise? How long should I wait before getting out and investigating? Not loving the prospect of that given my awful Spanish...I decide that 5 minutes is a reasonable length of time.

5 minutes goes by. OK let's see what's up. Hmm the bus door is locked. I pace around the bus for a few minutes. There's a little hatchet where you could crawl into the drivers area and maybe I could get out the door there! Really not loving the prospect being caught red handed climbing through there! How do I explain what I’m doing in Spanish!

I see the drivers keys are still in the ignition. This is really odd. I decide I'll be really quick and sneak through and hope I don't get caught. I get into the drivers seat (looking like nothing short of some crazy white bus thief!) and go to open the door. It's locked too! How is that even possible the keys are in the fkn ignition! The keys don’t have a unlock button on them. How do I open the door then?! I can’t think of a way quick enough and every further second I spend sitting in the drivers seat causes me to sweat more and more!

No choice but to climb back into the back and think up another plan.

HONK ON THE HORN! HONK ON THE HORN! Yes I'll do that. I reach through the hatchet and honk a few times. A few times more. No reaction anywhere. FML!

I see a girl walking down the road! Boom. I wind down a window and lean out. I know "Please", I know "Excuse me" and I know "Miss, or Madam" so I went with each of those in turn until I got a reaction. I got similar reaction to how I imagine girls react to scary men who leer at them in bars. Walking quickly past pretending not to hear.

Marvellous.

10 more minutes pass by. I've now been stuck in the bus alone for over 20 minutes total. I'm getting pretty lost as to what to do. What on earth is the bus driver doing!

At last, a girl comes out of the house next door. She's incredibly beautiful. I do my best to communicate what the problem is.

"El driver es [points desperately at the door], por favor. El driver es [more pointing] Vienti Cinco minutos!"

She seems to get the jist (blagging ftw). She knocks on his door. No answer. You’ve got to be kidding me. She goes into her house and brings out her boyfriend / husband. FFS! We'd really hit it off as well with all the pointing and my amazing Spanish.

He knocks on the door (was it really necessary to bring him and spoil my dreams out to do that!?). Thankfully there's some progress…

A topless man opens the shutters from what is clearly his bedroom. His eyes adjust to the light. He's either been sleeping or shagging that’s for sure. He looks at me and makes a noise that sounds like "Oh". He closes the shutters.

Nooooo come back come back!

He appears at the door and gets into the bus, and opens the door for me. Wait, I'm not at El Peñol! El Peñol is a big ass rock surrounded by a gorgeous lake. I saw it on google! I can't get this through to him. He insists we are at El Peñol and I should leave the bus. What choice do I have? I gather my things and leave.

The village seems friendly enough, and it’s 2pm in the afternoon so I’m not really worried, even though I am alone, in Colombia, with no idea where I am with about $4k cash on me, a laptop, ipad, camera etc. And questionable travel insurance!

I walk away from the houses towards some road side shops. There’s a building marked “hotel”. It looks dreadful. I enter. I have the name of the hotel I’m trying to go to so ask the lady at reception (I mean old lady having a nap on the couch)

“Buscando el hostaria los recuerdos”. Pretty good I thought! Definitely the correct verb ending to the verb “To look for” as well!

I understand nothing of the reply other than a pointing gesture and one word “collectivo”, which I remember from my last trip in South America means “local bus”.  That’s good enough I guess. I walk in the direction she pointed, and in a few minutes a local bus drives by, I flag it down and thankfully the driver understood where I needed to go and picked me up, charging me 3000 pesos for the 15 minute journey (just over £1).

I have since learned that El Peñol is both a town AND a landmark, and the bus obviously took me to the town even though the lady I bought the bus ticket from said it was going to the landmark. I think. Man I need to learn Spanish! Although, it does amaze me how much you can communicate with the universal symbols of nodding/shaking head and pointing.

To some it sounds like a nightmare, but for me, it’s all part of the fun of travelling. These stories make trips memorable I find, and if nothing like that ever happened, I doubt I’d bother going.

[smashedagain]

Lol amazing. This is the sort of stuff I love reading about. Just be careful tho.

[cambridgealex]

Lol amazing. This is the sort of stuff I love reading about. Just be careful tho.

million you didnt skim it in that time!

[leethefish]

Alex ....What are you doing
Are you crazy

Why are you going on a day trip/excursion with $4k an I pad and laptop .......I usually take a camera and about £100 !!

Have a Safe trip please Alex.

[cambridgealex]

Alex ....What are you doing
Are you crazy

Why are you going on a day trip/excursion with $4k an I pad and laptop .......I usually take a camera and about £100 !!

Have a Safe trip please Alex.

I'm not going on a day trip, this is the start of my travels, so I take everything with me! I needed that much cash for the LAPT and since I didn't do my nuts I actually still have it so I have no choice.

On a side note, my winnings from the tournament got paid direct into my pokerstars account yesterday, brilliant service <3 stars.

[leethefish]

Alex ....What are you doing
Are you crazy

Why are you going on a day trip/excursion with $4k an I pad and laptop .......I usually take a camera and about £100 !!

Have a Safe trip please Alex.

I'm not going on a day trip, this is the start of my travels, so I take everything with me! I needed that much cash for the LAPT and since I didn't do my nuts I actually still have it so I have no choice.

On a side note, my winnings from the tournament got paid direct into my pokerstars account yesterday, brilliant service <3 stars.

Oh ...ok lol I presumed after you posted the hotel yesturday you where traveling from there .....using that as a base!
Sorry mate ....still be carefull

[EvilPie]

Good stuff mate. More of this and less poker please.

[Doobs]

Alex ....What are you doing
Are you crazy

Why are you going on a day trip/excursion with $4k an I pad and laptop .......I usually take a camera and about £100 !!

Have a Safe trip please Alex.

iPad and laptop? 

[Tal]

Great story (not least because of the happy ending!).

If my childhood trips to the Canary Islands and the Costa del Sol are anything to go by, everyone speaks English if you just speak it slowly and LOUDLY enough.

Failing that, just add "o" to the end of every important word: "el busso poor favor?" "Dos bieros waitero"

That and "Donde esta los servicios?" Just in case.

Keep up the good poker

[peejaytwo]

Great read Alex, but for us fifty year olds you should be more descriptive of the beautiful girl in the village.
I'm thinking "dark eyes and long hair" or "olive skin and fantastic legs" or even the bus drivers wife/gf appearing topless to close the shutters!
Btw I agree that 4k is too much to be carrying, could you have banked 3k?

[paulhouk03]

Great read Alex, but for us fifty year olds you should be more descriptive of the beautiful girl in the village.
I'm thinking "dark eyes and long hair" or "olive skin and fantastic legs" or even the bus drivers wife/gf appearing topless to close the shutters!
Btw I agree that 4k is too much to be carrying, could you have banked 3k?

PICS PLEASE

FYP

[Woodsey]

So the real trip started today, and we've already had a bit of a hiccup!

To some it sounds like a nightmare, but for me, it’s all part of the fun of travelling. These stories make trips memorable I find, and if nothing like that ever happened, I doubt I’d bother going.

All good fun stuff like that, its what makes these trips memorable.

I had a nightmare in Laos last year and got abandoned in the middle of nowhere by the Mekong river by a tosser tuk tuk driver. I had to wander a mile or two through a couple of random villages to first find someone that understood a bit of English/my crap Thai. Eventually did that, then I had to persuade the guy to go and see if he could borrow the only motorbike in the village to take me back to Luang Prabang which was about 30 miles away lol. Luckily it happened early in the morning, if it was later it the day I would have been truly stuffed and probably kipping in the jungle that night! 

[DMorgan]

Sounds awesome, pics look incred!

btw, 'to look for' as a term for searching for something is more of an english term, if you wanna ask someone where something is just use 'Donde esta el/la...', or to get it across a bit more strongly 'Necesito...' (I need)

glgl

[Redbull]

Comedy start to the travels! More like this please. 10 years ago I'd have come out with you, you'll have an awesome time I'm sure