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Author Topic: china mug on china mug by china mug for china mug courtsy of china mug...a diary  (Read 144390 times)
Lucky
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« Reply #300 on: June 02, 2016, 10:14:01 PM »

Yes, always an entertaining read.
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RED-DOG
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« Reply #301 on: June 02, 2016, 10:55:02 PM »

Excellent!
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The older I get, the better I was.
the sicilian
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« Reply #302 on: June 03, 2016, 05:44:57 PM »

Smiley

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Just because you don't like it...... It doesn't mean it's not the truth
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« Reply #303 on: June 03, 2016, 06:08:17 PM »

I lolled.
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china mug
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« Reply #304 on: June 09, 2016, 04:56:00 PM »

A WEEK AGO I WAS IN THE THURSDAY COMP AT LUTON G MADE IT TO THE FINAL TWO MORE PLAYERS TO DROP FOR MIN CASH.....
IM BIG BLIND AT 2000 BUTTON MAKES IT 7500 I LOOK DOWN AT QQ I DECIDE TO FLAT AS I DONT WANT TO SCARE HIM OFF WITH MY 80K BY RAISING PART OR ALL PLUS IF IT COMES ACE OR KING I CAN TAKE A VIEW WHEN HE BETS OUT ETC
FLOP COMES 22Q  I CHECK HE BETS 12500 I CALL
TURN 8 NO FLUSHING I CHECK HE BETS 25000 I CALL
LAST CARD ACE NO FLUSHING,   RIGHT I DONT WANT HIM ESCAPING I BET 25000 HE GOES ALL IN I SNAP CALL FOR MY LAST BIT

HE FLIPS OVER FULL HOUSE ACES FINAL TABLE ALL GO 00000000HHHHH      I LOOK AGAIN REALISEING IM BEATEN AND SHOW MY FULL QUEENS OVER  THE WHOLE TABLE GOES   AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
AS I WALK OUT I FEEL STRANGLEY HAPPY THAT I HAD HIS BALLS IN A NUTRA BLENDER WITH MY THUMB CARRESSING THE ON BUTTON AND HE HAD NO IDEA......MORE PLEASING THAN IF WE HAD BOTH GONE IN BEFORE THE FLOP AND I FLOP THE FULL HOUSE ONLY TO BE RIVERED AND HEAR THE SAGE WISDOM ....O WELL HE WAS AHEAD BEFORE THE FLOP....

THE FOLLOWING FRIDAY LAST 3 TABLES IM CHIP SHORT ITS 4500 TO PLAY ONE LIMPER I CALL WITH 9,10D ANOTHER CALLER CHATTY PLAYER ALL IN 80K PASS ,PASS ME ALL IN 36K TOTAL ALL OTHERS PASS IM HAPPY WITH THE DEAD 20K CIRCA CHIPS ,CHATTY HAS ACE KING SUITED,FLOP 8JK TWO HEARTS ...I NEED A QUEEN I STATE ....KAPOW QUEEN COMES ...CHATTY CAN STILL MAKE A FLUSH ON ME...DOUBLE KAPOW 10 HEARTS HE MAKES ROYAL FLUSH......O IVE NEVER HAD A ROYAL FLUSH BEFORE HE SHARES WITH THE TABLE ,LET ME TAKE A PICTURE.....BY GUYS ENJOY THE GAME[LOSERS CAN ALWAYS MAKE THERE OWN ARRANGEMENTS...
AS I WALK OUT THE FILM FORREST GUMP WHERE TOM HANKS IS JOGGING COAST TO COAST TO FORGET HIS GIRLFRIEND COMES TO MIND AND HE HAS A LOAD OF HANGER ONS ONE OF WHICH ASKS FORREST FOR A IDEA FOR A BUMPER STICKER.
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china mug
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« Reply #305 on: June 17, 2016, 03:40:23 PM »

Right my little nutflickers and carrers, time for an  update
being to luton g serveral times since my last post manged to have my straights revered by someone making a royal flush on the last card which they declaried was the first one they ever got, manged to predicted two lots of football scores correctly which would mean double prize money if i cash but sods law no cash. Luton seems to be getting a bit more run down by which i mean i recall i believe in was the inland revenue could determine weather people were cheating on their taxes by the amount of luxery goods sold in supermarkets I believe it was king prawns and expensive chocolate therefore more sales of that equals people got money in excess of what their declering......... simples
In Luton case coming down the hill from the airport roundabout.... the travellers have now moved on... i counted three seprate beds and mattress discarded on the pavement so just like the inland revenue barpmiter me thinkof Luton is getting a bit rougher.
Back to Luton G I had to smile when i saw one of the really big spenders at the roulette being given a free amount of chips to place a bet with with the managers gushing.... see your a winner... if the rules on his free stack of chips are the same as us poker players rules when we get a free ten pound bet he's in for a suprise should he win but hey ho something for nothing is not to be turned down, reminds me i still got a free bar meal and drinks voucher coutrsee of uncle fester love child.
edner and danish came into the club last night I can only assume that dicklynch is leaving in a few days before he comes in so it not to start rumors of a romantic nature of that group, would give a new meaning to raise, all in and bad beat.
So here we are   at Luton G feeling like the oldset swinger in town... still trying to get enough together to take it to notthinham.... but hey i'm still standing.

isitstillloveifhedoesyourconfessionsaswell.
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china mug
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« Reply #306 on: June 19, 2016, 01:05:05 PM »

off to luton g for the 5.00pm game tonite the is a rumour that the staff will be doing a wet tee shirt competition , with all the foxy chicks that owe me favours there i had better be ready for the onslought of selfie requests.i hope timi wins the shirt price,thats the timi thats 5foot 8 inches not the other one.  and back in the room.
free drink on me for every one that weers a tea shirt ...other by the tea and coffee machine, nether to miss good odds where is chompy might he slope in before muttering standard and sloping out.

makingloveinthedarkwhiledreamingyouaredancingaroundhandbagsatadiscocancomeasashocktoalotofpeople.
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china mug
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« Reply #307 on: June 24, 2016, 03:51:29 PM »

hello my little furr balls , i managed to get a couple of small cashes at luton g recentley one when clever trevor was a monster chip leader and he wanted to chop 400 each and play for the last man standing ticket which i whent on to win , very generous of him and will be recipacated when due , the other player muttered something about he didnt realy want to do a chop after trevor was out and his chips had grown probley in the same vein as ...no bubble it changes the dynamics of the game...derrrr trevour had 600 000 we had 200 00 to 300 00 each no brainer equal share is good deal.
then i managed to get a secound the following night , easy realy i just stayed in the salloon while all the others called each other out ...you calling me black bart...yep im calling you kinkade...bang and ive laddered one more place up the price pole.
whent to the luton g end of month special last night for a day one , it was truly pissing down with rain and i nearly turned back on the basis that it will be poorley attended and a low average get thru chip count but hey ho got there. will that talks a lot ..ice cream melt ..whens your book out...smashed his table up early and got his chips up to about 80,000 with kk against a range of poor relative ace rags ....fantastic come back for day two on sunday chips and we are only on level 2 or 3 of the 11 levels to be played .....not a bit of it he just cant help himself ...you calling me hop along yep im calling you calamity  bang ...a golden shower of chips leave his stack . i called over as to was i going deaf as will wasnt making much noise ,he looked up from his self blogging to reply ...no cards no comment or simalar ...truly he will go far in poker but for fucks sake some one get him a sat nav.latter he gave his chips to me which was apreciated.
big dave took of like a whirlwhind after a re entry or two and had circa 200 000 with 2 or three levels to go ....you calling me shane yep im calling you dylon ..bang ...the rest you know.
i suppose im jelous of these guys that grab there manhood in both hands and thrust it in to the thrashing poker juice extracter in search of penthouse or tradesmans exit ...whielst i grind on boreing as ever even more boring than my jokes as i have heard them all before ...several times ...im reminded of the scene in all quiet on the western front with ernest borgdine and he just had to reach out to touch the butterfly ...bang
any way got thru to day two with 83,200 not a fortune but enouth , i think i shall go to the cafe up the way from luton g on sunday ...hardware cafe...say for 12.00pm  see you there and ill buy you a drink.

ifyouenjoyedithalfasmuchasmeienjoyedittwiceasmuchasyouoneofthefoxychicksthatdealatlutongtookmetoonesideandsaidtomtakeofmyknickersandmybraanddontletmecatchyouwearingthemagain.
is it still love if you have to start at the letter A and go thru the alpherbet to remember there name.
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china mug
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« Reply #308 on: June 27, 2016, 03:09:29 PM »

well here i am 13.43 pm monday haven had half a pizza and salad at my mates italian on the bridge in st albans,  bar expresso realy good food and low cost.
im licking my wounds from sunday at luton g ,got busted from the monthley special i just didnt get the material to make it happen ,sure i out lasted a load of other players but if you fall of the mountain at 200 foot or 20,000 foot you are still dead just you had a glimpse of the summit before you whent...oooppppps o shit.
i had about 120,000 average circa 180,000 23 players left, i raise under the gun to 16,000 blinds aer 3000 6000 button calls as dose big blind flop king 8 3 with two hearts i trap check with my king queen clubs matey on button goese all in i call he has ace 5 hearts  turn ace im out , this guy has bean talking twat to the table for hours ...o yes i used to go to milton keynes but i prefer it here ....
im out and into lazy sunday just in time to get the early bird chips , i watch the other game numbers dwindle and mr ....i used to go to milton keynes is out for low money in position 17 or 18  and he joins our game with stories of how he played in the other game....
i get to the final in the lazy having grinded and grinded plus put up with being called a dick head several times and shove it in his eye advice to a oppoinent when im in a crucial heads up situation  with a regular player ,the oritor seems to be  a player who has double ego vision .me and one other have last longest at the final, i get it in with king jack suited when i call a all in on a king high board he makes a flush .....mountain ,summit,ahhhhhh.small cash .

i have decided to formalate a self assesment test to determine if i or any one else that chooses to use it are playing too much poker or playing not to there best ability....details to follow

is it still love if they insist in  telling  you about plenty of fish

idontknowanythingbutwaitaminuteifiknowidontknowanythingtheniknowthatanddoknowsomethingovermenthealthwarningreadingtomsblogcanseriousleydamageyourabilitytospell
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china mug
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« Reply #309 on: June 28, 2016, 12:25:52 PM »


SELF ASSESMENT TEST TO ASSATAIN IF ONE IS PLAYING TOO MUCH POKER.

PART ONE

Firstly one will need to attain a totaly relaxed state ,without the use of six tins of stella.lie on your bed or soffa and relax hear the distant car noise ,dog yapping ,neigbour chatting ,let it all float by it enters left floats by right and blurrs to a nothing its still there but it floats away ,now look at the ceiling above you ,you can see the ceiling and you can just see items or the top of items of furniture around your room the colour of ths wardrobe the curtains ,take 10 to 20 minutes to attain this state relaxed no worries distant noises looking at the ceiling .now very slowly you start to float upwards towards a space on the ceiling as you do you see less of the perifal items slowly you are getting closer to the ceiling a foot of the bed two foot linger if you wish three foot and finaly you are up at the ceiling your noise is inches away from the ceiling you can see the paint brush strokes of the paint take time to enjoy then when you are ready ever so slowly you start to rotate so that you are looking down at your self on the bed you can see yourself the colour of your clothing the carpet the items on the cabinet beside the bed take it all in enjoy.........
if you do this something very supriseing will happen.......try it and see you wont be diappointed.....
let me know how you got on and what happened.

PART TWO TO FOLLOW
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china mug
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« Reply #310 on: July 06, 2016, 09:13:57 AM »


PART TWO OF SELF ASSEMENT AS TO WHEATHER ONE IS PLAYING TOO MUCH POKER

so now you should be in a totaly relaxed state , you now enter the visualisation thought process , so  you take a popular film with a dramatic life threatening sequence and imagen what would you do in this situation , so for instance its the titanic sinking film with kenneath more .....you go thru all the drama of struggling to get on a life boat as those around you show the very best and worst of humanity to each other you may cheat and conieve or even murder to get on the life boat or you may save three babies and a nun from the rotating blades of the ships propellers in a act of total selfless courage risking life and limb to push them to the last life boat and pleading with the ocupants to take them even if theres no room for you ,you will stay in the freezing water ,but you end up in the boat 3 hours later as some one dies and makes a space for you and you are dragged aboard.so there you are in a life boat from the titanic with 24 other people all cold hungrey and fearfull of the boat sinking all diferent classes huddled together in a attempt to gain some body heat as the sailor on the stearing rudder explains there are only 10 blankets 12 biscuits and 12 candles to share out and they will have to be rationed as it may be days before they are rescued....you of cource now how the film plays out .....do you suggest a few hands of hold em as a fair way to distribuate the rations and if so how far will you go to win .

TO BE CONTINUED
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china mug
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« Reply #311 on: July 08, 2016, 01:39:38 PM »


DO YOU PLAY TOO MUCH POKER ASSESMENT PART THREE

so back to the life boat and you have had a word with the sailor in charge of the megre rations impressed him with youe knowledge of all things nautical and navigational to the extent that he tells everey one that you are a great sea captain and the best hope for all of them to survive, as some of the lifeboat survivers are likely to have heard of darwin and his theary of natural selection you explain that the food will be distribuated by means of a test to determine who is best and most likely to survive and there fore deserving of the rations ,when the voices of the mothers with babes in arms and the infirm give complaint you accuss them of trying to kill you all with there selfish attitude and have them coraled in the floor of the life boat excluded from getting any rations but if any winners of the rations want to swap the rations for there gold and jewelery that will be between them. then you get a pack of cards out and start a game of texas hold em ....gold ,jewerley, deeds to vast eastates are all allowed for the players to buy more chips .....as tounament director all your decisions are final ,even when its the exact oppisite to a decision given in the same cercumstanes 5 minutes earlier....so a bit like luton g realy ,
now you have a dilema you know that the ship carphalin is going to come in 3 hours and you have only got half of the wealth in your name so far plus the duke of westminsters 21 year old daughter has tottaly swooned for you as the alpha male so a game of hide the sausage and get married to become the benafactor of half of london is on the books ,so you navigate the life boat away from the rescue location and land it on a fast moving ice berg where all are disembarked to lite fires fish and generaly await your every command ....you now have all the wealth you have fly tipped all over westminster and the  rations are yours......now comes the tricky part , some of the survivers are showing signs of mutiny and will no dout tell a story far removed from the truth of how you saved everyone and should be given a knighthood ....so you get all the mutiners and tell them you and a few others are going to strike out in the life boat to get help with no regard for your own saftey you are going to brave the elements and the seas to save them but first regretabley you are going to have to take the blood of the infirm and others that have died and cover there clothes in it so that they can lie down spelling the letters  SOS for ships to see from afar , haveing done this you exit the ice berg pretty dam sharpish as the last of the fires die down and the polar bears come to investigate ....
as your chosen few row you towards the caphalin you are kept warm by miss westminster who brings out her kitten that she has saved thru all the mayhem ,you distract her and drop a beaker overboard with a splash ,o poor fluffy hes gone you tell her , later you turn fluffy inside out tell the sailor its a crab you just caught and get him to cook it using the last candles ....well you cant have a game of poker without bar snacks can you.

SO DO YOU PLAY TOO MUCH POKER
if you can see yourself doing any of the above you probly do play too much,

MODULE TWO TO ASSESS IF YOU PLAY TOO MUCH POKER JUST IN CASE YOU ARNT SURE
set in a space ship heading for a distant planet with 24 on board and after lift of a nuclear war erupts on earth and its wiped out ,......


not to be continued .
whatsthediferencebetweensavingaspiderandliftingitofapokertabletosetitfreebeforeitgetscrushedandpullingthewingsofaflyandclaimingitwasaspider.

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china mug
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« Reply #312 on: July 11, 2016, 11:45:39 PM »

so here i am waiting in the luton g foyer as im out of the monday game and my brother is still in what to do ,i have already looked at the big hitters on roulete doing 3 to 4 hundred a spin as they loose i move on not wanting to be percieved as a block to there good fourtune that they no dout believe they deserve, in and out of the poker room the players still in murmer there satisfaction and curse there bad luck as like a ice cream they melt [copy right will that talks a lot] 
remind myself of the master plan
1/win a stash at luton g
2/take it to nottingham dtd or the vick
3/win some worthwhile comp say 20k first prize
4/invest it in more comps
5/remember to use spell checker

well its a plan , time to put the computer away check on the ice creams and roulete geniuses ,

is it still love if you do it on tv with a load of tatooed wanna be  miascule celebs.
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china mug
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« Reply #313 on: August 10, 2016, 10:37:36 AM »


so here we go my little chipmunks ,ask your self have you done all your other chores and if yes read on.its about time i did a up date to mein kamp so heres the story up to goliath.

i have been looking forward to the goliath in coventry for some good perioud of time i think just being in the luton g and hearing other players talking about there trips to larger events in the uk and the holy grail of vegas makes one feel like the poor relative so having the freedom from work as im self employed plus tickets from the last man standing feature of the luton games im fair got a hard on for coventry or at least a twitch.  so come the morning of the last day one im of ...and strait into my mates cafe on the bridge in st albans ...best breakfast in hertfordshire with a drink £5.50 just in case jim is looking....nice and relaxed ive put the sat nav on and my journey is 84 miles not bad as i have been looking at low cost b and b which seems to take ages on the net and then the location is still a drive from the venue  so in the true biggles style im flying without a parachute with no accomadation booked ....and i havent even told my parents im going.
so on the M1 just beyond milton keynes and the other carriage way is at a stop as 3 or 4 cars have clipped each other , a cop is sweeping the debri and glass of .....a bad omen or not you can almost feel the contractions of the motorists splinters involved and the ones behind them who have gone from 70 mph to zero amid flashes of spinning cars and familys faces with the number one moterists song with the hook line of ...ooooow shhhiiiitttt.
still on we go got to arena parked swig water and food from boot change shirt and like gladiatour im in,  saw the lovely that goes by the name of dina at the registration spot near the cash desk ...hi tom ,hi dina ,sigh thats my lot for another year....saw mrs phan and a few other luton regs and we are into the game ....looks like being a 500,000 price pool ...and thats where i make the big mistake i treat it like its a big event ....no its a turkey shoot with people tryoing to get to the big event part which will be the last part of day two....but for whatever reason im playing too tight ....mad ive got a extra buy in ticket ...i should be looking for a raise and a re raise then shoving with kq suited to make some chips ....
a break comes along in the lobby by the cash desk a poor sole has had a heart attack staff are rushing to him or her ,im out side air and nibbles and a dam good talking to my self..without any jokes..back into the arena heart attack person has had a screen of portable advertising banners put around him /her but thru the crack you can glimpse a ambulance man doing chest compressions .....it strikes me the poor bugger in a casino maybe for tha game or cash or whatever and then hes on the floor behind some slot machines which people are still playing  with a wall of adverts to block out the public gaze as his decision as to shall i stay or shall i go aha is played out  ,some one tells me one of the girl staff had a melt down at seeing what was going on ...
and back into the game ..will that talks a lot is holding court with a group of well wishers congratulating him on his deep run in the big game in the land of the free ,watch this space after the loose wig or scary eyed bitch gets int power, and back into the game ....

tbc
justbecauseyouareparanoiddousntmeantherenotouttogetyou.
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china mug
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« Reply #314 on: August 11, 2016, 05:12:38 PM »

and my chips are going down nicely and then the hand comes....im big blind with about 9000 chips its 300 600 limp,limp,  raise to 1200 one caller ,small blind calls i call first limper raise to 3600 one caller small blind calls i call with my 4 6 of clubs,  flop 44 5 i check mr raiser checks small blind bets 3600  i inst all in mr raiser passes and small blind looks sick and eventualey calls to show 99..............why he didnt re pop during all the raising pre flop i dont understand.......next card 5 last card 5 and im out of there ...i pass panos who is waiting for a alternate seat i hear latter that he has played multiple day ones already he asks me what the antes are i mumble some thing
down motorway no mishaps into luton g 4 k gt made last three to split it and got £1020 plus the last longist chip worth 120  one happy bunny making his way home,
o why couldnt it have bean the other way around good result at coventry and spanked at luton....sigh....will i go again you bet will i plan and play it thru my mind you bet will i bang in a big one one day,like the line in ..the devil wears pravada where merl streep promotes a coleuge over the back stabber that thought he would get the job and hes asked will he stay and work on he says....i have to hope or else what is there.
of to luton g tonite i expect , as a special act of thoughtfullness i will tell timi im using a voucher before she books me in as a cash payer,girls like that sort of thing that plus being told nice shoes.

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