Vegas in a Handcart and the search for Charlie Harper

[the sicilian]

The only way to fly

[the sicilian]

If deano has even heard of the UK subs ill have a new respect for the big man. Keep the stories coming and please don't rub any wins in Gav's face..or do..whatever

Charlie Harper UK Subs ? Be pretty to have little or no respect for me

[Marky147]

There is only one Charlie Harper I know of, I think.

Superb stuff

[the sicilian]

Which Charlie Harper could it be ?

[Simon Galloway]

Looks fun ~ not doing much for a few days... think I'll join you.

[celtic]

Hope he's warned you about his snoring, Simon.

Have a great time out there.

[the sicilian]

So Charlie Harper... i really wish I had some exciting tale to tell regarding an aged uk punk rocker.. as it would be better than the real story and I would be but a God in the eyes of Nirvana.
Alas.. like the unclipping of a wonderbra you're in for a bit of disappointment.

Being a fan of the TV show two and a half men, I always had a hankering to visit Malibu and in particular Santa Monica Pier.
So with this is in mid I decided to visit the haunt of our eponymous hero ( yes that Charlie Harper ) and scratch that itch.

So a 10 hour flight followed by a 5 hour drive..easy right?... actually wasn't too bad endless arrow straight roads that reached to the vanishing point and beyond..I only started to fade in the last 50 miles.
Having driven quite a bit in America I must say Nevada/California hold some of the most aggressive road users.. horrific uncalled for lane changes are common place as they swoop and jostle like dog fighting Messerschmitts.

Specifically booked a hotel right by the beach and within a stones throw of the Santa Monica Pier.. the box had been well and truly ticked.

[the sicilian]

Boxes ticked

[the sicilian]

So a couple of days to kill before back to Vegas... as you may have noticed the picture of the Santa Monica Pier sign was taken from an open top bus.. Although the widely held view of these tours are they are a bit lame.. but it wasn't too bad and quite informative. hopped off at the famous Chinese theatre and walk of fame.. done my best for the tourist economy by purchasing various crappy momentos and hopped back on.. job done.

Today decided to go for some jet skiing action... done this a couple of times and if you ha vent tried it its great fun. I decided to walk to the Marina Del Rey via Venice Beach.

The beaches here are something else and are just what you would have in mind if asked to create your perfect beach. i was in Clearwater Florida in December and they are much the same here.. acres of soft Golden sand regularly flattened by enormous tractors so they are Billiard table smooth.. add in the perfect weather and paradise is a place on earth.

There is a fantastic walkway/jog way and cycle track that dissects the beach and road and is lovely walk that must stretch 3 miles.. on one side the beautiful pacific ocean on the other cycling families and hot joggers usually with there little dogs bounding behind them on their daily trot. Unfortunately the hot joggers are as common as faithful Frenchman and I console myself with the magnificent vistas.

There seems to be quite a homeless problem here and as I walk into Venice Beach the numbers grow culminating into quite a concertration of temporary shelters full of unclean individuals both men and women with empty hopless looks in their eyes.
I find it ironic that in the city of Angels there is a village of lost souls... I feel a little deflated... I also feel a little guilty as I feel they detract from what essentially is a tourist magnet and their presence to me brings with it an underlying feeling of menace.. maybe its just me but I'm surprised the authorities haven't done something about it.. personally I'm glad i chose to stay in Santa Monica and not Venice beach.

Venice beach boardwalk is a long stretch of concrete walkway harbouring multitudes of little shops,cafes etc as well as the usual mix of street performers. Most of the musicians have obviously been told they can sing/play by members of their immediate family who don't wish to upset them.. some though do have true talent. Lots of street traders too..mainly selling which can only be collectively described as junk. The clientele and inhabitants of Venice beach are eclectic and diverse... it is renown for its cast of laid back colourful characters.. lets just say the local marijuana dealers must be richer than Midas.

I plod on towards my goal.. i seem to have underestimated the distance.. the hire place is on the far side of the Marina.. and its huge.. my i phone pedometer records nearly six miles... ffs !!

Hire this beast of a jet ski and once past out into open water we open her up... Wow! thing really flies,, we achieve nearly 40mph and actually take off on numerous occasions... i have a rare old time and inhale large amounts of the Pacific.

Highlight of the ride.. on two occasions a school of about 30 Porpoise's swim alongside me .. leaping majestically out of the water... i stop dead.. one for fear of hitting one of them and two just to admire them.. so close to me... a true Kodak moment..at a time i dont have a camera with me... sigh..

I walk back... Venice is heaving.. the sun is setting.. i forgot to put sun cream on.... theres more than one lobster in this town.
Pedometer reads just on 16 miles as i flop onto the bed... i can feel my legs seizing up almost immediately... I'm blessed with common sense...

We drive back in the morning to rendezvous with Simon Galloway to embark on the pointy end of the trip...I'm kind of rested but am raring to go.... Let the Games Begin !

[the sicilian]

Not particularly a fan but was one that i knew some bastard wasn't standing on..

[the sicilian]

.

[Karabiner]

Exceedingly enjoyable diarage so far, you have a nice flowing style to your writing.

Looking forward to the ensuing adventures with SimonG.

Do you think those porpoises thought you were one of them when they joined you?

[the sicilian]

Exceedingly enjoyable diarage so far, you have a nice flowing style to your writing.

Looking forward to the ensuing adventures with SimonG.

Do you think those porpoises thought you were one of them when they joined you?
[/quote

Lol tbh for a second I thought they were sharks .. Nearly wet myself

[the sicilian]

So we leave the beach dudes behind and hit the road back to bright lights and hope.

The drive is pretty boring virtually freeway start to finish. The one thing I take from it is the vastness of America.. its truly hard to describe.. just endless expanses of flat emptiness..

As the familiar towers of Vegas hove into view my partner in crime for the trip Simon Galloway has landed and joined forces with Kevin O'leary ( Lovejoy to many ) and arranges to meet at the Cosmopolitan for lunch. Hmmm I have to negotiate Vegas.. Ive only briefly driven in Vegas once before and my concertration levels are at full alert. It might just be me but I find the strip area layout of Vegas to be just a mish mash of entrances to various huge facades that for the uninitiated resemble trying to solve a Rubik's cube in the dark. I manage to get myself into the entrance lane of the Bellagio and only some last minute cutting as the bollards loom get me out of it... the taxi driver next to me opens his window and passes me an application form to be a Vegas cab driver such are my cutting up skills. I miss the entrance to the Cosmo.. which is Harmon .. and have to do the circuit once more.. negotiate the Bellagio slalom and into the Cosmo self park.. phew.

The heat in the underground car park is stifling mixed with the pungent smell of car fumes etc... Its overpowering and feels like some kind of torture chamber.. two minutes in here and I'd tell you anything.

Dirty burger in the Cosmo.. good to see the evergreen Mr Oleary.. and were off to the Wynn Encore for check in... nice big room with panoramic view... Nice.

Day one is to conclude with a Jim Jefferies show at the Mirage organised by my Jeeves..Mr Simon 'Vegas' Galloway. We agree a little not too serious gambling pre show is in order and wander over to Treasure Island.

Hmmmm not too serious.. table selection and roll management are poor... I just wanna gamble.. Vegas does that to you, even someone on their 9Th trip.. like a starving dog i seek out the first Black Jack table i can find and sit down. Its a two deck 6-5 dealer hits soft 17 table... Holy fuck ! have i lost my mind whats this crap talk about give the house every edge possible... I get partially sodomised... i move round.. i sit at a single deck.. oh Lord Ive lost it .. what am i doing.. I'm flapping around the place like a headless chicken.. i finally find a 6 deck table but still 6-5.. some common sense has been restored but the damage is done.. its near show time and we slope off to lick our $700 wound.

Jim Jeffries if you are not aware is an Australian comic who has grown both notorious and popular in the last five years. His offensive with a slurred drunk like delivery. His fucking hilarious, maybe not everyones cup of hot chocolate but undeniably funny.. He loves to rip the Americans.. and they seem to love him for it... he gets a couple of hecklers..one loud woman hidden in the dark recesses at the back of the theatre.. instant retort from our hero..
' I cant see you love but you sound like a rough looking C--t '.. the place erupts..she falls silent never to utter another word.. this doesn't stop Jim's abuse for a full five minutes.. Never heckle professional piss takers..its as simple as that .

[celtic]

Can't wait for the monster stack and blackjack updates from day 2...