blonde poker forum

Its that time again folks... when loins are girded and hopes and dreams are fresh and so full of promise...A beautiful time like the hour before doomed heros here the whistle and go 'over the top' into a hail of bullets or in the case of this Vegas Veteran..a hail of cards, bad beats and 21 pulling Blackjack dealers.

Summer in Vegas is here.. sun... poker ..gambling and general degeneracy beckons... Blonde loves to share so strap in and like a reaper at the side of a foggy motorway wait and see if the wheels come off..

As I write I sit resplendant in the Virgin Atlantic Club House at Gatters.. I can call it Gatters as i'm all posh today.. having discovered that if you say air miles to Virgin bookings they let you..just the once mind... to truly see how the other half live.

Now i do usually fly premium economy on long haul.... I find economy is akin to the labours of Hercules only in a tighter space with tasks hugely more difficult such as the chinese puzzle that is moving your dinner around the infants tray in front of you whilst Mr & Mrs 'This is the first time iv'e been to Vegas ' chatter to you without pause.

The journey turns into an ordeal rather than a means to an end. i can't ... unlike my usual travel companion the infamous Pizzled..AKA Gavin Kan... sleep on planes... pretty sure its an inbuilt defense mechanism as I know i will probably subject those within earshot to a symphony of snores that would rattle windows and wake the freshly deceased.

So i stump up and make the whole issue that more bearable, but today my friends is a red letter day.. first time in upper ever...
I get called sir..look round quickly to see who there talking to.. oh me?.. well I have maade an effort today. I usually fly comfy, which is shorts and some kind of sports t shirt, but today smart jeans and the heavenly soft Ralph Lauren Jumper my children pissed themselves at when i asked them what they thought..
'You look like an old man' chortles the eldest... I console myself with the knowledge her uni fund will soon be laying on a blackjack table in the Wynn.

Fear not concerned readers... you can take the Oi Oi boy out of North London but you cant make him not have the Addidas shorts ( the ones with the lining of course.. dont want any mouse out of the house incidents ) and the Under Armour shirt in his hand luggage. pretty sure somewhere over the Atlantic i will transform from sophisticated Cad about town into Euro 2016 supporter on the run from the rossers in Saint Etienne.

Interesting mix in the upper lounge... a few ' theres something that smells disgusting just below my nose ' mob to a few like me.. wide eyed and unbelieving that theres somewhere in an airport like this. I keep my boasts private and to you guys rather than announce it loudly to my mate at the other end of a mobile connection as my neighbour just has :)..

So what lie ahead... Charlie Harper I hear you say ?.. your'e intrigued.. like a seemingly insignificant clue Miss Marple stumbles across... ah my friends..all as they say will be revealed..

brilliant, had me in stitches, cant wait.


vbol with the future inheritance fund :D

Sigh ... after availing myself of copious amount of non alcholic beverages I needed the loo... just squirted a wad of expensive soap all over my Ralphy jumper akin to the money shot of a veteran male Porno talent.

Have had to revert to option 2 earlier than expected, the under armour shirt.. think my covers blown..one of the waitresses just took my drink away and spat on me...

Not even out of the lounge and running bad :(

Great read for first thing in the morning. Would love to hear you complaining to someone about the soap dispenser.

Subscribed.

Hope you have a great trip and regale us all the way with tales of derring-do.

I'm old enough to remember Charlie Harper,  from the UK Subs?

Looking forward to the next instalment.

Excellent!   ;popcorn;

Do you know of any other Charlie Harpers? I have a feeling that he means a different one.....

PS: Subscribed.

If deano has even heard of the UK subs ill have a new respect for the big man. Keep the stories coming and please don't rub any wins in Gav's face..or do..whatever :)

Subscribed

I lost my love to a......

Great read!

Good luck on the trip.

Great stuff.

There's Ransom's diary, then there's this.

You flew upper?

Quality! Haha.

The Uni fund on the Blackjack table.... we double down on 13 against the dealers Ace right?

Look forward to this.

A comfy flight where beautiful Virgin Maidens tend to me constantly asking if I want more food or a top of my Cuban cooler... oh no the plane crashed and I have been rewarded by the man above.. oh well doesn't seem so bad..

My mind clears ... no im still on the plane and my Virgin wears red, called Jane and her 6 foot frame is looming over with a toothy smile.

We arrive, no drama's relaxed with a belly full of tender steak and cream teas...  it really is the only way to fly.

There is not soul in immigration.... its like the twighlight zone. I am through customs and standing at the car rental desk in 40 minutes... oh this trip is going to be good.

Rental car roulette presents me with a Hyndui Santa Fe... MPV thing... shes ok for the job and swallows my multiple luggage items whole.

The only way to fly :)

Charlie Harper UK Subs ? Be pretty to have little or no respect for me

There is only one Charlie Harper I know of, I think.

Superb stuff :D

Which Charlie Harper could it be ?

Looks fun ~ not doing much for a few days... think I'll join you.

Hope he's warned you about his snoring, Simon.

Have a great time out there.

So Charlie Harper... i really wish I had some exciting tale to tell regarding an aged uk punk rocker.. as it would be better than the real story and I would be but a God in the eyes of Nirvana.
Alas.. like the unclipping of a wonderbra you're in for a bit of disappointment.

Being a fan of the TV show two and a half men, I always had a hankering to visit Malibu and in particular Santa Monica Pier.
So with this is in mid I decided to visit the haunt of our eponymous hero ( yes that Charlie Harper ) and scratch that itch.

So a 10 hour flight followed by a 5 hour drive..easy right?... actually wasn't too bad endless arrow straight roads that reached to the vanishing point and beyond..I only started to fade in the last 50 miles.
Having driven quite a bit in America I must say Nevada/California hold some of the most aggressive road users.. horrific uncalled for lane changes are common place as they swoop and jostle like dog fighting Messerschmitts.

Specifically booked a hotel right by the beach and within a stones throw of the Santa Monica Pier.. the box had been well and truly ticked.

Boxes ticked

So a couple of days to kill before back to Vegas... as you may have noticed the picture of the Santa Monica Pier sign was taken from an open top bus.. Although the widely held view of these tours are they are a bit lame.. but it wasn't too bad and quite informative. hopped off at the famous Chinese theatre and walk of fame.. done my best for the tourist economy by purchasing various crappy momentos and hopped back on.. job done.

Today decided to go for some jet skiing action... done this a couple of times and if you ha vent tried it its great fun. I decided to walk to the Marina Del Rey via Venice Beach.

The beaches here are something else and are just what you would have in mind if asked to create your perfect beach. i was in Clearwater Florida in December and they are much the same here.. acres of soft Golden sand regularly flattened by enormous tractors so they are Billiard table smooth.. add in the perfect weather and paradise is a place on earth.

There is a fantastic walkway/jog way and cycle track that dissects the beach and road and is lovely walk that must stretch 3 miles.. on one side the beautiful pacific ocean on the other cycling families and hot joggers usually with there little dogs bounding behind them on their daily trot. Unfortunately the hot joggers are as common as faithful Frenchman and I console myself with the magnificent vistas.

There seems to be quite a homeless problem here and as I walk into Venice Beach the numbers grow culminating into quite a concertration of temporary shelters full of unclean individuals both men and women with empty hopless looks in their eyes.
I find it ironic that in the city of Angels there is a village of lost souls... I feel a little deflated... I also feel a little guilty as I feel they detract from what essentially is a tourist magnet and their presence to me brings with it an underlying feeling of menace.. maybe its just me but I'm surprised the authorities haven't done something about it.. personally I'm glad i chose to stay in Santa Monica and not Venice beach.

Venice beach boardwalk is a long stretch of concrete walkway harbouring multitudes of little shops,cafes etc as well as the usual mix of street performers. Most of the musicians have obviously been told they can sing/play by members of their immediate family who don't wish to upset them.. some though do have true talent. Lots of street traders too..mainly selling which can only be collectively described as junk. The clientele and inhabitants of Venice beach are eclectic and diverse... it is renown for its cast of laid back colourful characters.. lets just say the local marijuana dealers must be richer than Midas.

I plod on towards my goal.. i seem to have underestimated the distance.. the hire place is on the far side of the Marina.. and its huge.. my i phone pedometer records nearly six miles... ffs !!

Hire this beast of a jet ski and once past out into open water we open her up... Wow! thing really flies,, we achieve nearly 40mph and actually take off on numerous occasions... i have a rare old time and inhale large amounts of the Pacific.

Highlight of the ride.. on two occasions a school of about 30 Porpoise's swim alongside me .. leaping majestically out of the water... i stop dead.. one for fear of hitting one of them and two just to admire them.. so close to me... a true Kodak moment..at a time i dont have a camera with me... sigh..

I walk back... Venice is heaving.. the sun is setting.. i forgot to put sun cream on.... theres more than one lobster in this town.
Pedometer reads just on 16 miles as i flop onto the bed... i can feel my legs seizing up almost immediately... I'm blessed with common sense...

We drive back in the morning to rendezvous with Simon Galloway to embark on the pointy end of the trip...I'm kind of rested but am raring to go.... Let the Games Begin !

Not particularly a fan but was one that i knew some bastard wasn't standing on..

.

Exceedingly enjoyable diarage so far, you have a nice flowing style to your writing.

Looking forward to the ensuing adventures with SimonG.

Do you think those porpoises thought you were one of them when they joined you?

So we leave the beach dudes behind and hit the road back to bright lights and hope.

The drive is pretty boring virtually freeway start to finish. The one thing I take from it is the vastness of America.. its truly hard to describe.. just endless expanses of flat emptiness..

As the familiar towers of Vegas hove into view my partner in crime for the trip Simon Galloway has landed and joined forces with Kevin O'leary ( Lovejoy to many ) and arranges to meet at the Cosmopolitan for lunch. Hmmm I have to negotiate Vegas.. Ive only briefly driven in Vegas once before and my concertration levels are at full alert. It might just be me but I find the strip area layout of Vegas to be just a mish mash of entrances to various huge facades that for the uninitiated resemble trying to solve a Rubik's cube in the dark. I manage to get myself into the entrance lane of the Bellagio and only some last minute cutting as the bollards loom get me out of it... the taxi driver next to me opens his window and passes me an application form to be a Vegas cab driver such are my cutting up skills. I miss the entrance to the Cosmo.. which is Harmon .. and have to do the circuit once more.. negotiate the Bellagio slalom and into the Cosmo self park.. phew.

The heat in the underground car park is stifling mixed with the pungent smell of car fumes etc... Its overpowering and feels like some kind of torture chamber.. two minutes in here and I'd tell you anything.

Dirty burger in the Cosmo.. good to see the evergreen Mr Oleary.. and were off to the Wynn Encore for check in... nice big room with panoramic view... Nice.

Day one is to conclude with a Jim Jefferies show at the Mirage organised by my Jeeves..Mr Simon 'Vegas' Galloway. We agree a little not too serious gambling pre show is in order and wander over to Treasure Island.

Hmmmm not too serious.. table selection and roll management are poor... I just wanna gamble.. Vegas does that to you, even someone on their 9Th trip.. like a starving dog i seek out the first Black Jack table i can find and sit down. Its a two deck 6-5 dealer hits soft 17 table... Holy fuck ! have i lost my mind whats this crap talk about give the house every edge possible... I get partially sodomised... i move round.. i sit at a single deck.. oh Lord Ive lost it .. what am i doing.. I'm flapping around the place like a headless chicken.. i finally find a 6 deck table but still 6-5.. some common sense has been restored but the damage is done.. its near show time and we slope off to lick our $700 wound.

Jim Jeffries if you are not aware is an Australian comic who has grown both notorious and popular in the last five years. His offensive with a slurred drunk like delivery. His fucking hilarious, maybe not everyones cup of hot chocolate but undeniably funny.. He loves to rip the Americans.. and they seem to love him for it... he gets a couple of hecklers..one loud woman hidden in the dark recesses at the back of the theatre.. instant retort from our hero..
' I cant see you love but you sound like a rough looking C--t '.. the place erupts..she falls silent never to utter another word.. this doesn't stop Jim's abuse for a full five minutes.. Never heckle professional piss takers..its as simple as that :).

Can't wait for the monster stack and blackjack updates from day 2...

Jim Jefferies is amazing live.
Saw him in the comedy tent at Leeds Festival a few years back. His routine about Michael Barrymore's Pool Party was unbelievably offensive, and equally funny. The Leeds Fest punters lapped it up.
His diatribe against a poor unfortunate who attempted a heckle was a masterclass of invective and obscenities.
NSFW

Great stuff so far, Dean!

Hopefully catch up with yourself and Mr Galloway soon for dinner.

Only seen a few Jim Jefferies clips on Youtube, but thought he was hilar, especially his gun control bit.

Good luck in the meantime!

Fuxxxxxake.  You weren't kidding.

Taking Sir Donks to the baseball tonight, holler if you are going and we'll have a beer

Oddly the first event on this years poker schedule is the WSOP Monster stack.. played this last year and was very disappointed with my performance .. 15K starting and an hour clock should be a dream. Lasted to level 4 through abysmal play so this year would need to be better.

Crashed and burned in the 2nd level.. ffs !

Had been determined to keep it tight play limited hands etc etc blah blah.....some of it couldn't be helped.. flopped top set v flush that got there on the turn and only managed to lose one bet as he lost his bottle on the river to show the 8 high draw..

flopped top 2 v a flush draw.. got there...what could have been avoided was when i flopped the flush draw and cr barrelled it.. never giving up one pair... so once again i contrived to make a complete hash of a wsop event .

So an early finish meant we had more time to gamble properly.
Loaded up a full bullet of $1250 for an early shot at $25 progression and was carrying an extra $500 just in case things went a bit wrong.

Things started to go wrong immediately.. and a grind ensued.. i never had the table to myself as I usually like..always 1 or 2 players. To be fair most of the people here can play... there betting might not be very good but the basics have been learnt and we dint get random sticking on 14 v and Ace and taking cards v a six etc.... but the dealers are having there way with us.


I'm 25 bets down and go to the restroom... when i come back some weird blackjack player orgy has taken place and the table is full.. play slows to a crawl and the dealer is still working on their employee of the month award..... i then make a cardinal sin.. get frustrated move to an empty table that's a $50 minimum  and now play a $50 progression severely underolled. The inevitable happens and this dealer places himself in the all star category and we slope away $1700 light.

I decide to avail myself of the excellent gym facilities the Wynn has to offer.. and have a Little word with myself.
Day 1 and were already down over $4k.. not exactly the flyer we were looking for.

So team talk over..shower and my stomach has sent a note to my throat asking if its been cut as its seen nothing since the early morning fruit platter. Vegas Guru Galloway suggests a Brazilian res taurent called Fogo de chao. If your not familiar with the concept its where waiters bring greats skewers of meat to the table and carve it right there for you.
Its a carnivores dream... and we gorge upon tender fleshy delights. My youngest daughter would be horrified having been vegetarian and now Vegan for the last year. On a personal note I'm not overly comfortable with her being Vegan... every vegan I know looks like their undernourished and seem to have a lot of health problems. They also seem to go to ridiculous lengths in order to keep to their beliefs. However I feel I need to respect my daughters views and beliefs as i dint want to force my own viewpoints upon them... but anyhoos.. the flipping meat was devine... succulent Steak.. tender chicken and pork Yumm Yumm !!
We don't over indulge though.. which in a place like this is very easy and I give myself a little pat on the pack for the discipline that was missing earlier at the poker and gaming tables.

We arrive back at the Wynn.. its Saturday night and the clubs are just starting to liven up... the pounding bass lines reverb in the casino area despite what I'm sure is some excellent sound proofing. I have no desire to enter any of these dungeons of sound.. i remember back in my clubbing days laughing at the middle aged twat in the clubs surrounded by a populace all young enough to be his children.. i didn't want to be that twat..
Despite that the musics too loud.. :)
We make do with the never ending parade of young ladies who seem to have all entered into a ' who can wear the least amount of clothing without being arrested'  competition. Some have also entered the side event where they attempt to to get as much of their boobs out without being press ganged by Spearmint Rhino's.

I confess, i looked... I looked a lot..Listen.. the blood that runs through these veins is still hot... just don't tell my missus OK... just you.. me and a public forum knows..got it..good...

To be honest i thought i might have a stroke.. some of the girls were  beyond stunning..some ..ahem..we will just say..weren't ... i just find it a Shame they cannot afford mirrors in their houses.. but we take the rough with the smooth..and in most cases its very smooth.. oh so smooooo... ahem I'll leave the rest to your imagination and the report that the day closed better than it started.

Congrats on getting China mug to type your trip reports up.

Looking forward to day 3....

It's incredible innit?

Yep, great to hear about he's hot blood wasn't it

Your welcome

Day 2 of poker dawns with the Venetian $600...  chipped up nicely from 15k starting to 30k... but dwindled down over a few levels hardly playing a hand when an active button to my blind opens i call...float the ace flop and CR the turn..he looks uneasy.. but calls.. i shove the brick river.. he looks mortified.. huffs puffs..and tanks.. think ive done a good job selling the set but he finally calls for most of his stack with top and bottom pair...

Little room break.. and time to book some Blackjack time..win back the $600 buying and move on to the Planet Hollywood $600.. Plays shorthanded for quite a whie.. and seems to be playing fast but although half hour clock all the levels are there so the structure is quite good.

I grind for nine levels.. ducking and diving like Roberto Duran.. to say I never have a hand is an understatement... i manage to stay aroun 15 bigs all the way thorugh..

Woman who ive seen happy to fold opens to deece pressure.. rises and another woman flats..it looks a nice spot and the A9DD looks like Aces.. I shove 15BB... as deduced OR folds.. as always the flatter calls with KJ os.. with the immortal line when she sees my hand.. 'i knew it was a squeeze.. the fact it was for 80% of her stack and she was behind seemed irrelevant.
KJ flop J turn... and I can go to a very late dinner at PF Changs..

Sweet and sour chicken at changs is beautiful... As in other Diaries Planet Hollywood is beyond noisy.. but the Pleasure Pit table dancers have some of the tightest buns on the planet :)

Euro 2016 Monday.. England v Iceland.. we decide a little shopping is in order at the outlet centre where we will find somewhere to plot up and witness Englands continued Football march.

I sport a navy blue Adidas t shirt which is exactly the same colour as worn by the staff in the Nike shop. Despite the fact it says Adidas on my shirt I'm still harangued for customer service. I'm tempted to help Mr Osaku from Tokyo pick out his new Air Jordan's... i resist..just.

Make my usual homage to Calvin Klein.. pick out a really nice shirt... spy the prettiest sales assistant and inquire as to the chest size.. she seems flumaxed... chest size?.. on a shirt ?.. she looks like I'm crazy..
'the sizes go by collar length and arm length sir.. no chest sizing'..

What !.. you dint measure a shirt by chest just arms?.. are you clothing orangutans ?

Move on to under armour.. pick out a compression training top.. For once i decide I'm going to try it on.. most unusual for me as i avoid shop changing rooms like the unflattering multi mirrored hell holes they are.

I'm glad i did.. the things like a Lycra bra.. you could be shredded like Tarzan and still look like a fat wanker.
Time for footie is fast approaching.. really don't fancy some English pub in Vegas with the Oi Oi crew screaming obscenities every 3 seconds
We head for lunch at the cheesecake factory as it has the game on.. plot up at the bar and settle in for glory. The barman is friendly, helpful unlike the sort you would find in the UK named Barry with all the enthusiasm of a freshly beaten dog.

Now bizarrely, being a fan of the TV show 'The Big bang Theory" i assumed The Cheese Cake Factory was fiction... I was pleasantly surprised to find it did exist and there cheesecakes are both calorie busting and delicious in equal measure.

I go for a chicken pasta option called Bellagio... looking to keep it light.. i have designs on some of that cheese cake.. I make a good call as altough its a decent portion it doesn't fill me up.. my mistake was seeing a stunning milk shake being created and lured into ordering one complete with whipped cream topping and a cherry :)

The things like a 3 course meal... I feel bloated..oh no my cheesecake...

Meanwhile things on the pitch are looking decidedly dodgy... it seems Roy Hodgson has chosen the The Kings Head 2nd Eleven for this match as passing and shooting straight seemed to be long forgotten skills.

We all know what happens next... We slump at the bar..embarrassed.. we try not to let anyone know we are English.. I'm writing to the FA over my weight gains as I order the cheesecake trying to eat the pain away.

It was heaven by the way..

We go back to the hotel.. i have to lie down..and sleep for 3 hours.. that was some cheesecake.

Diary lacks photos , a few of the Pleasure Pit table dancers should help.

And lose some more money please. Makes for good reading.

Great read so far, enjoying it :)

You could write a great diary if that was the criteria.

Chees Cake Porn only im afraid

In true Tikay style took a trip out to see the local 51's baseball team... so that will be rounders with big gloves then...

Although i am a huge American sports fan, have never got into baseball... watch a few games intermittently over the last few years and I aim to get into it a bit more.. cos you can bet on it right ?.

Crowd of around 800 i say turned up for the evening game which was played in a stifling heat... but hard working overhead fans and mist sprays helped ease the burden.

the level from what i could tell was pretty poor, and one poor sod for the home team was having a mare.. miss fielding 3 times and pretty much costing his team the game.. we made our exit at the bottom of the 8th with the Vegas boys on the end of a 4-0 score that they never looked like changing.

Finally begin full on proper blackjack attack and find a kindly dealer named Melody who played a beautiful tune ( ahem ) of regular busts and blackjacks... we put in a decent shift and walk away + $3500.. followed by a 2nd session of +$1800 the following day.. so the ship was well and truly righted.

After the first couple of poker tournaments.. the old two card turn over takes a back seat as Mr Galloway is not known for his tournament play.. we get some pool time and admire some pneumatically enhanced ladies of varying age ranging from the Swedish super model to 40 something wives of LA.  They all have one thing in common .. lack of clothing.to be fair thanks to the art of plastic surgery even the older ones are holding up just fine.

Then something weird happened for summer in Vegas... 110 degree walls of desert heat gave way to vicious storms and howling winds.. did someone transport me back to England whilst i wasn't looking?.
The sky was bathed regularly in displays of forked light that would put any of the neon shows around here to shame. A severe weather warning was issued as it rained down like the end of days.. was this to be the modern day Soddom & Gomorrah ?.. from my window i could see the airport tarmacs covered in lakes of water and they closed Mccaren for several hours.

Two days it lasted.. Ive never seen the like in Vegas before.

As Mr G fancies him self as a bit of a foodie connoisseur... fine dining takes front stage and first up is a visit to Picasso's at Bellagio. Its a beautiful restaurant that overlooks the majestic Bellagio fountains ... romantically lit and patroned mainly by lovers. Mr Galloway seems to have a penchant for the more colourful shirt and I'm pretty sure the waiters have me down as the Mexican toyboy.

The food is small,perfectly formed and truly exquisite to taste. Pea soup.. artichokes..followed by Veal chop. Every mouthful is savoured... it is truly beautiful food and despite its delicacy fills the stomach perfectly... as it should.

You know its a posh gaff when the waiter announces your food as he serves it describing in great detail its composition.. no steak and chips with ketchup here boys.

As we leave we are giving a little presentation box containg a couple of fairy cakes.. not sure if this was some kind of rubdown for Galloway's shirt choice but they were OK to munch later :)..

Personally I'm not keen on the Belaggio, the place is heaving and there seems to be an inordinate amount of children around.

The following night we dine at SW.. the main Steak house in the Wynn... its not as upmarket as Picaso but the food is almost as gorgeous and the portions are far more generous as we discover when we realise we ordered two side dishes too many. We show great resolve but still leave a fair bit..none of it is the beautiful New York strips we have.

Intermittent attacks of the roulette wheel finds us marshaling large towers of chips back and forth... we hit a couple of numbers pile up the 20 and smash its front door in.. we get out with profit.. but plough back into the very next table we stumble into.. we were so close to getting out..

There seems to be a distinct lack of Craps stories.  #Letsgoshooter

White asparagus you Philistine!

Hmmm ... there has been limited shots at the Vegas tubs.. but a dark shadow befalls us every time.. icelandic chills cover the felt and the the cry of ''seven out' is heard to often...

Sticking to skill games like roulette maybe the answer

We both know its pretty nuch wasted on me :)

Friday, and the time for Mr Galloway to depart has arrived.. we bid farewell.. his been good company as usual and has made sure my personal trainer earns his money when i get home.

My attention turns back to poker and an item on the schedule namely the Golden Nugget Main event.. $570 buyin 25k 40 minute clock and all the levels with half a million guarantee... sounds ideal.

We get a running start and win a couple of nice pots... then get QQ early and earn two callers.. the flop is perfect.. A Q 9 rainbow.. surely one of my erstwhile companions has an Ace in his hand .. I lead with the set and sure enough i pick up a customer... i get the full 3 streets even housing up on the end. A few more wins and I'm sitting on 50k at 200-400..well this is going well... I bleed a few and then get involved in a hand where my ABC opponent re raises me on the turn.. his set is obvious but I cant resist the lure of the up and downer Ive picked up with my pair.. river gives me trips... and i make a horrendous call.

A couple more pots where i pick up good draws on the flop where i call and then it goes raise shove behind me ..gawd !

All of a sudden things are not looking so pretty... a raise and a call and i peel A10ss from the small.. Ace rag flop checks all around.. good nice pot control and a disguised hand.. turn bricks but brings a 2nd club... original raiser checks again.. OK looking good... then the small Asian girl who has shown already she is more than capable overbets the pot massively like 20k..feels odd as Ive watched her in previous hands where she has got very aggressive on drawy boards... Hmm could my disguised pair be good here? could she be buying this pot with a draw ? I decide she is and she flips AQ.. oh Lordy.. Pants down smackee Bum time for this flipping genius.

I slump away.. I then realise if I buy in I would have 50 bigs... would seem rude not to... so back into the fray we go. I play solid..folding KK on a jack high board when elderly American takes off on a hugely dangerous pairing flushing board...I get shown trips..phew.
Then get moved back to my original table smack between a massive stack and small Asian girl .. marvellous.
We plod along.. massive stack is constantly raising.. when we find AA to one of the numerous raises...Ooooh nice ..I flat knowing Asian girl is aggy.. sure enough she pumps it up... and massive stack peels... shame he did that as I prob could continue the hunting of Mi So Aggy.. but i cant take these puppies three way to the flop ... i pump it up and she tanks with genuine agony.. Hello ... she has a hand.. cmon baby ..shove..go on you know you want to... ffs shove you pint sized ball of aggression... she finally folds as does Mr big stack... she actually looks teary as she tells me she had QQ.. Bugger she was probably the only person on the table who could find a fold there.. 'you had Aces didn't you?'..'didn't you' she asks several times.. I smile ruefully.. I'm such a horrible bastard lol... I eventually put her out of her misery some time later when our table breaks and she asks once again.

We trundle on through the night.. 17 levels we play.. its a slog for sure... last four hands are declared and i get Aces twice.. no action.. not even from the table psycho and we bag 30 bigs for day 2

great read good luck in day 2

Day 1 was long.. i get into my bed late and set two alarms as the day 2 start is 11Am...

I come round and through bleary eyes i see the bright red LED;s of the bedside clock read 11.02... eh ! ?

Holy Moly !.. I'm up and out of the room quicker than a one night stand who woke to find the nine from the previous night was in fact a 4.. I then manage to find the only cabbie in Vegas who drives at the speed limit. i kid you not he done no more than 30mph all the way. It was like a slow agonising death as I mentally willed him to accelerate.

We arrive at 11.29... I'm lucky Ive only lost 15k from 148k...

The play has tightened significantly from the previous days mayhem as 180 souls remain from an initial 1520 entries.. 153 paid with 133K up top... for a rec player I'm gonna request a one time then...

we play solid and jostle around the same mark for some time as the players drop one by one.. theres a couple of deece players on the table and several what i could classify like myself and recreational.. i try to identify blind stealing opportunities as they are significant enough to warrant it..and pick out a couple of middle aged Americans playing super tight. One  has mirror sunglasses at the other end of the table and it feels like he is constantly staring at me. I raise with 8 9 cc... happy to take the blinds..happy to see flop if i must happy to fold if i get serious heat.. Mr sunglasses in the BB calls... we see 10..7..3 rainbow and he donk leads.. seen a lot of this even into 3 opponents that include original raisers.. personally i hate it .. we are ten away from the bubble and although he outchips me its not by much.... a nice confident all in gets him squirming as i rep big.. he dwells and folds showing a 10... this hand gives me some nice breathing room and we break through the bubble into the money.

The bubble breaking opens the flood gates.. the queue for the payout is longer than the one for the all you can eat buffet at a fat club.

153 quickly becomes a hundred.. we may have a chance here.... tightish player opens mid and i find 77 in the BB with 15 bigs to my name.. don't really want to peel as there cant be too many flops I'm gonna like... its shove or fold time.. choose the former knowing his gonna fold out a lot of hands ... he seems to like the KK his holding..

Four blanks hit the board.. i sigh..rise from my seat and say nice hand just as the dealer slams the seven of hearts down on the river...

I sheepishly sit down whilst doing an internal fist pump..

Little while later I 3 bet QQ and call the AK shove and we hold..suddenly we have 800k double average with 70 left.

A young wiz moves to the table..his good no doubt about it.. he wins a couple of deece pots then a big double..he has 1.8 million and sets about us..his 3 to my left and his a nightmare.. batton down the hatches boys.

Button opens to my SB..his had a couple previous opens and I decide my tight rep and only the BB to go is gonna win me this pot with a well timed A8 3 bet... the BB shoves a million in my eye.. FFS.. I make out I have a big choice.... give him as much chat as I'm allowed and come to the conclusion I already know.. his massive and i fold.. down to 500k.

Open AK from utg and a guy who joined recently and has only shoved twice..shoves again... he has 300k ..this is it .. I call and he shows AQ..Oi Oi !! fantastico... right until the Queen ball in the door... I shouldn't complain seeing as I rivered the 7 earlier.. but I am.. just once run good and don't get unlucky .

10 Bigs go in a few hands later with K9 HH and we can't outrun the rag ace call...

Its another close one as we finish 49/1520 for $2200... One day..just one time we get one of these baby's in the bag

I make my way back to the Wynn and dinner at Red 8 one of the Chinese restaurants.. the sweet and sour chicken perks me up and i consult whats on the schedule tomorrow.. hmm Venetian has an $1100 500k Guarantee... maybe i haven't peaked yet..maybe one more major bullet left in the chamber.

I'm playing anyway but decide the nights entertainment will be win the buyin at blackjack. All goes swimmingly.. I hit the $1100 profit and make for the room.

Early night finds me refreshed and i Make the walk from Encore to Venetian having only to step out into the harsh sun once to cross the little Sands bridge into Palazzo. There are numerous little bridges and walkways around the strip.. most to enable you negotiate the race track they call Las Vegas Boulevard safely. Most of these are populated by the less fortunate ranging from instrument players to disabled to the disheveled with a cardboard sign saying please give me money. One such inhabitant is a youngish woman, heavily pregnant her engorged stomach bared to prove authenticity. The sun and heat are unbearable.. it must be at least 110 degrees, Ive been exposed less than thirty seconds and I'm already craving air conditioned sanctuary. I have no idea how she or any of them can bear it... surely it cant be healthy for a woman in her condition ?.
Its a sad, stark contrast to the affluence etc that surrounds them. God only knows what the back story is... I only hope that someway somehow her and her unborn will be OK..

We sit down a little through level 1.. table seems standard for early doors in these comps.. not too Aggy good mixture of talents and players when a somewhat familiar figure sits to my left.. I def know him from somewhere.. i get a sneak at his entry ticket.. Mortenson.. Hi Carlos says the dealer.. Well well well ex world champion Carlos Mortenson.. this could be interesting.

Now I've met a few former champs..usually in the Rio corridors.. Helmuth, Hachem and Duhamel..... although secretly I always wanted a picture with them I didn't want to come across as a saddo fan boy.. but this time i thought fuck it.. gonna wait until the first break and ask The Matador for a souvenir pic...

Carlos makes a bad call against an ABC old timer with one pair after the flush comes on the river and the old boy takes off with a big re-raise.. think its pretty obvious what he has but I'm not an ex world champ and he makes the call and gets shown the nut flush... this puts Carlos low and theres twenty minutes to the break.. should I go for the picture request now.. or hope he makes it to the break ?? I get dealt ace 10 and muck.. i cant think..I'm in a quandary..picture now or later..now or later...

'I'm all in ' says Carlos.... what? are you fucking kidding me?... Hmm is it bad form to ask for a picture when his Allin during a hand...? he wouldn't mind would he? his not that big.. I could probably give him a good hiding if he turned all Mediterranean menstrual on me..hmm smacking ex world poker champs around probably not a way to advance your Vegas Poker playing carrear.

I'm gonna hold off.. its quite a big push.. fold..fold..fold..fold..yeah that's it all fold to the mighty Carlos..

' I call '   chimes up old timer.. you utter MoFo... he shows the bottom of his range QQ and Carlos flips 88... super quick dealer and Carlos is up and gone...FMEL..

A nice English guy sits next to me.. we get chatting..I'm not really concentrating..and I'm dribbling.. i take on old guy in a hand and pull a nice bluff... I 4 bet shove over the Wiz and the end of the table whose 3 bet me one too many times.. he folds... I string it out until level 9.. my Brit table mate is getting handed chips left right and centre.. it must be his birthday and I'm the only one who doesn't know.

We finally lose our betting discs in a 44 v A 10 showdown.. 10 flop pulls the curtain and I console myself with the Caramel Chicken from the Grand Lux and a realisation that my poker days on this trip are probably just about up.

Stand by... next up..dark tales from the Wynn BlackJack tables...

How much did you give the poor pregnant woman to help her?

If you give these people money they only use it to get pregnant again.

:)

I gave her a withering Victorian look for getting herself into such a state without thought to the consequences of her actions..

We spend some time in the room watching  TV.. theres only a couple of days left of the trip.. poker is all but done.. its time to break hearts at the gaming tables..

I shower..dress... and prepare.. We have our Wynn Red card and just over $3K in our back pocket..its time to earn some Casino player points.

There are only a select number of 3-2 Blackjack pits in the Wynn..all the rest are 6-5.. it may not sound much but it can add up to an awful lot of money... as one pit dealer said.. ' I hate it when they nickle & Dime the customer '

Theres a pit of 4 tables in the Wynn that are 3-2..nice views of the main drag as the young ladies come tottering along in there skyscraper heels .

Regular viewers may remember on a previous trip I learnt the art of shouting 'MONKEY !' at the blackjack dealers when praying for a ten for them to bust.. it had been enthusiastically used by a couple of old Chinese ladies in Florida who I deemed were completely bonkers and had promptly joined in with.
Now in Vegas I had heard the same shouts from the pits and had occasionally rekindled my own participation.

As I sat at my first $50 table this came to my mind as the dealer continually crucified me with a string of 5 card 21's and from nowhere blackjacks. I decided to threaten her with the immortal lucky words..

'Don't make me shout Monkey at you ' I said sternly.... Unfortunately for me my Brain was 3 milliseconds behind my mouth as I looked up into the eyes of the Black Lady dealer...

Although the uncomfortable silence lasted only a couple of seconds.. it felt like a lifetime... nothing was said as she coldly bust me for the umpteenth time.

I moved tables shortly after that..

Next up a bright young thing called Ada.. who chuckled at my efforts at Pig Spanish that I was employing to try and coerce the cards in my favour.

It was like the Spanish equivalent to Del Boys book of French.

Being Cuban she was fairly good natured as I murdered her native tongue. I only found out she was Cuban after an hour.. actually thinking she was Mexican... now I have a deep fear of Cuban dealers second only to elderly lady Asian dealers.

My fears were well founded... obviously the previous dealer had given her the nod and the Doom switch had been activated. A blackjack horror show ensued... I resorted to Vodka red Bulls to try and take the pain away... They just made me more alert to the utter desolation being wreaked upon me.
Ada the Merciless went for a break and the relief pitcher was a heavenly child with lips that looked as if Mick Jagger & Angelina Jolie had had some kind of weird lip baby.

A middle aged guy joined the table with what one would term a rather well turned out MILF on his arm... She was impeccably groomed with perfect make up and a skin tight dress that showed off every enhanced curve her body had to offer.. Unfortunately she wore a look upon her face of total indifference..as though the world had wronged her in some way and now it had to pay.
The guy sounded Australian and he ordered up a $5K marker. The pit boss was all over him.. so obv some kind of high roller slumming it in the trenches with us piss poor $50 progression boys.

He played $2K a hand and gave the shrew $500 for her own box.. he seemed blessed as the dealer favoured him constantly and everytime she drew to him wished him luck.. all she gave me was fucking 26...

The woman was winning as well but her face never cracked.. maybe her face was incapable of movement..I'd heard one botox jab too many could do that for you.

I always like to see people win at the table even if I'm not... and i even joined in calling for the ten ball for him so that it could mate with his upturned Ace..

It got a little bit nauseating after the third blackjack at $2k a pop and the Harpies smile still not managing to break free.

I moved tables and plonked myself next to a little Arminian guy from LA. He was hilarious..he would often sing to the dealer 'how deep is your love ' in a thickly accented out of tune voice.. he loved to shout MONKEY.. and for any number over 21 as the dealer revealed our fates..out the corner of my eye I saw Ada the Hun returning from break.. I almost felt sorry for our High rolling Milf hunter... almost..but not quite :)

within 10 minutes Ada had him calling for markers twice more before he got the message and sloped off with the happy One in tow.. I sidled over to the victor..
'you get him good ?'.. a rueful smile and a wink and a silently mouthed twenty thousand was all the info i needed... she truly was a destroyer of souls..

Back at table Armenia we begin to make in roads into what i figured was a two and half grand deficit.. much ducking..much bad singing later it was 6AM and we had reduced it to a $400 loss..
I go to bed...said my new best pal..we bade farewell realising i had a 9am massage booked..

We make the massage appointment..wasn't gonna miss a $180 massage for nobody.. I can already hear Mr Galloway groaning, however our attempts at finding Hing Hong Hoo massage parlour several days earlier have left me little choice. My muscles are proper tight.

I have booked the deep tissue jobby.. which is akin to an ancient torture.. Ive had two hours sleep and i have a heavy handed minion of the devil popping knots in my shoulders for kicks... and I'm paying through the nose for the pleasure. Love Vegas..

After my mauling I avail myself of steam and whirlpools for a while and have a little snooze in the meditation room.. just the job. I was going to late reg the daily Wynn comp but decide to swerve and work on trying to even out my vest tan from Santa Monica. Takes me two hours and a little snooze to become one shade again.

I decide the $400 evening bounty comp at the Venetian will be my last poker hurrah and get off to a flyer.. I'm sitting next to an old dude in some ancient WSOP leather jacket sporting a Golden Nugget card protector.

He hits everything in sight proudly boasting he can mix it up and you would never know what he has... this after limp re raising Kings utg.. 4 X every raise and betting 100K into a 14 K pot on the most dangerous board since Hannibal Lecter flopped an open ended flush draw.... yeah you're a genius mate.

A young British lad joins the table with a stack of chips and gets involved in a hand with said Genius... Genius check calls flop and turn.. the river runs out a flush card..genius deliberately taps the table and the young Wiz sighs and checks back.. next thing the old guy is shovelling chips into the middle...

'What are you doing ? ' said the young guy..
'Betting'
'you checked'
'no i didn't'... LOL it was one of the biggest angles I've ever seen.. floor was called..everyone including the dealer said he'd checked..he couldn't have checked it more if he had headbutted the felt with a double tap...
He retracted the bet coming out with some outlandish guff to try and appease a rapidly irate table...

What a tosser...

I managed to last until the last forty odd but finally succumbed.. oh well... At least the BlackJack tables were still open..

So the last night in Vegas looms..

I've done OK at the tables since the first night woes so its time to up the level to $100 progression. I had hoped to get to $200 at some point, but it was not to be.

So $100 progression requires minimum $5K on the table.. deep breath..here we go.

Melody the Queen of bust is on duty.. she does me OK except on doubles .. we lose an 800 and a 1K double but are still ahead 1K..that's how nice she had been..

She announces shes off..shes friendly and helpful a great advert for the Wynn.. next dealer up keeps up the good work.. we are soon 25 bets up going along nicely.. I see my Armenian friend on the Crazy for Poker table and beckon him over. He joins me and we are doing great..he tells me his $20K down on the week..yikes !.he is crazy though LOL..

Then a dark cloud befalls us.. A young girl comes to deal.. she is constantly yawning but has only just started her shift.. you can tell she would rather be anywhere else than here.. Afghanistan.. torture pit of a serial killer.. airplane with no engines...
We are obviously just an annoyance to her and even my good natured friend singing to her fails to break her icy mask.. worse still she starts handing us the beating of our lives.. whatever she needed she got ... we have 19..she pulls four cards for a 20... we double hit 21..she pulls five to match us and break my little Armenian's will to live.. she kicks me in the balls for 3.5K all the while scowling with indifference.
C'mon love at least try.. you re dealing in the best resort hotel in Vegas.. it should be an honour.. at least fake it FFS.

My little friend has had enough..he still has a bit of profit and wisely calls it a night.. i dig my heels in and catch a break.. Icy Knickers goes on break and is replaced by Steve a friendly Chinese guy who dealt to me briefly earlier.

Now there are certain dealers ( Steve being one of them ) that automatically call standard plays for you.. usually on splits.. pushing the cards apart and waiting for you to put the bet out.. that's fine.. but occasionally we may need to take that choice ourselves.

Then this hand turns up.. i have 8 8 v dealer 10... the book play is to split... but v a 10 its a play that's sometimes hard to pull the trigger on.
I have $400 on the box.. he parts the eights and waits for me to bet.. I feel like someone is offering me the cyanide pill rather than face the alternative hours of excruciating torture.

i push the 400 out... he flips another 8 and lines it up for the bet..gulp.. another 400 id proffered.. no more 8's please.. he deals a 6..then a King.. BUST..the 2nd hand goes much the same way..800 down...
The 3rd hand he gives me hope with a 3... nice double that 11 sir... he dumps an ace.. %**%$&&...

He flips a twin to his 10 and the $1600 is swept into the tray.. pretty sure I cried..

We rally.. Steve must have felt sorry for me... i have 16 v his 10.... surrender he says... i shake my head.. I never surrender i tell him.. just give me a five ball..boom he bangs it down holds his forehead and laughs...

were back even..he deals me 77 v a 4.. he splits them.. we are top of the progression. $500 box... I obey.. he flips another 7..of course..money given... he puts out another 7.. oh fuckity fuck fuck this is it ..his gonna wipe me out in one horror hand.. the split 8's are in the back of my mind..I want to ask for my money back..
He puts a 10 out on the first 7.. OK good start.. 3 out next.. oh mummy.. double..

5

A cold shiver fills me.. another 3 another double.. another 5

A 4 for the last one more money... surely his gonna paint me up on this 11 and save me some money...

A deuce of clubs lands.. my bowels turn over..

I stare down at the chaos before me 4 splits..3 doubles at the top of the progression... $3500 .. effectively a 7 grand hand of Blackjack... even for me this is a squeaky bum moment.. its looking bad all those double are staring back at me with ugly brothers...

I may need to start the prayers.. Steve pulls an Ace.. 5 or 15.. a feeling of inevitability falls over me...he bangs a ten down... one more Stevie baby just..one..more ...Pleassseee

I never knew the King of Spades could look so beautiful... Scoopio ! Boomio ! as a great Nit once said...

That's it..I'm done.. its 5AM.. Ive been at the table for 5 hours and it all came down to that.. I can take a hint... Vegas is done for another year.. the doldrums of daily life beckons me home.. I may be getting too old for this...

Quite a few people post on Tikay's diary that they have no idea what's going on with the Omaha hands but still enjoy the updates. Well that's me with blackjack. Haven't got a scooby why I'd want a 3-2 table instead of a 6-5 but still love reading, great wordsmithery Sir.

Incredible read that mate. I was feeling the pain with the $7k blackjack hand.

Hilarious moment with the 'monkey' as well :D

Very well written, great stuff :)

Great read.  Thanks for the diary!

Really enjoyed this, proper gratuitous Vegas from my living room.

You definitely deserved that last BJ hand.

Safe journey home.

+1  Awesome read esp the 7k sweat at the end.

What a fantastic read throughout. Genuine LOL moments also.

Either start up a regular diary or visit Vegas a few more times a year .

Thanks for the ride and so happy you won the 7k hand for giving us so much pleasure.

justice K yeeeeeesssssss

This too.  Great stuff.

Got any good stories?

You tell a tale well sir. Thanks for sharing.

Loved it, more please.

very good   :)up

Great stories, tremendously good reporting :)

Considering the fact that it is the game with the lowest House edge in the room Blackjack is such a vicious game.

Brilliant all round stuff

Great read

Thanks

If your first two cards are Ace and a Ten then you have blackjack. At 3/2 $10 pays $15, and at 6/5 it only pays $12.This is massive with regards to the house edge; it increases is by around 1.3 or 1.4%

Is there no adjustment to dealer's play to counteract this? Do we get a win instead of a push when the house also has blackjack?

on a 3-2 table you can take even money if the dealer is showing an ace and you have blackjack (any true gambler never takes even money and I only ever take it when I have a substantial amount on the box ).. this is not an option offered on a 6-5 table

Many Thanks for all the kind comments...

These little TR act as a little record of the trip personally and I hope you guys also get something out of the aimless misguided ramblings :)

Great read, you write well.

Great read Dean
How many more stories could you have added from the trip??

one or two  ;angel;

lol thought as much

My minds not so clear on certain parts  ::)

Hi Dean, great read. Where did you stay in Santa Monica? I'm there/here at the moment. In a supposedly deece hotel but I don't think it's so great.

It was the ocean view hotel
  .http://www.oceanviewsantamonica.com

. Was fairly decent... Right by the pier

Having said that my original opinion has changed on my hotel. I'm staying in the Loews Beach Hotel on the other side of the peer. First impression was a grumpy front desk woman and a noisy room. Since moved rooms and was helped a lot by other less grumpy staff. Great location I think I could retire over here as long as I win the lottery :)

Tame trip, if it's just the one or two, lol.

Probably why I left a blog alone, along with my laptop blowing up 3 days in...

Great read, and good to catch up with yourself and Simon, albeit briefly.

Well, you're back now Mark. We are all waiting for your blog ;D ;D

Haha, not until Saturday...

Had a little too much vodka to remember clearly enough to do a post trip report 😉

Lowes looks awesome .. Couldn't get an ocean room there for my dates .. But was one of my first choices

That's even worse; taking even money is akin to taking insurance and has a house edge of 8%ish

I'm done with Blackjack, but it always amazed me that people take even money on a min bet.
But then these are generally the same folk who take a card on 14 vs a dealer 5 or 6, and stand on 16 vs a 10. People who don't much like money.

My room overlooks the exercise equipment on the beach. I did briefly think about using the parallel bars but soon came to my senses. After my initial wobble here I have grown to love it. A tad pricey but in the end I think we'll worth it. Will def stay here again.