My daughter Sadie

[Claw75]

My 7 year old daughter and I are driving home the other day when she pipes up 'Mummy - has life been good to you?'.  What a question.

"well yes", I start, "I can't complain really - I am lucky to have such a lovely daughter for starters, and although I know I get down about things sometimes there are many people in the world who would be very grateful to have the kind of life we do. So yes - life has been good to me".

Pause for a few seconds then...."What's that got to do with whether ice cream is good for you?"

[RED-DOG]

  Classic.

[trafficjam]

As I am looking after my grandson aged 8 (Holdy's son) for part of the time while she is away, I planned to get him to make some chocolate muffins (out of a packet) for her on her return.

He read the instructions on the packet and made the preparations. It said 130ml water, well I don't know how much that is as I only know pints. He worked it out as about just under 1/4 of a pint.  He did everything him self and the mixture looked fine.

We put them in the oven and they should take 15 to 20 minutes.  This is where I think I messed it all up as they should be in middle of oven but I didn't move the oven rungs and put them in too low down.

After 20 minutes the timer went and he said they should be done now but looking through the glass I said they haven't risen enough yet so we gave them another 5 minutes.  He said they must be done now Nanny, you know you burn everything lets get them out.

We tested them with a knife and it came out clean so I said they must be done.  We let them cool and they looked a bit sorry for themselves.

We tasted one and he said they are not too bad but I could tell they were not done enough and said to him, they are not right perhaps we should not keep them for mummy.

He said they are ok they taste alright and you 'don't judge a book by it's cover'.

[Claw75]

I could tell they were not done enough and said to him, they are not right perhaps we should not keep them for mummy.

that old chestnut! Admit it Nellie, they were lovely really weren't they?

[TightEnd]

Ryan 12


"Dad, Tiger Woods is doing well isn't he?"

"Well yes, amazing after five months out"

"What did he do wrong dad?"

"Well he was unfaithful to his wife with lots of women and it got him into problems"


Pause


"So dad, is that what happens when you have a gangbang?"

[Claw75]

sounds like Ryan is probably ready for the infamous knock knock joke

[Acidmouse]

My little baby seems obsessed with the cat flap, especially when one of my cats wants to come in. She keeps shouting "cat cat cat"

[Claw75]

lol - great pic!

[The_nun]

lol - great pic!

[thetank]

Molly, come here, It's time to put on your Princess pants
No
Come here
No
Princess pants
No
You like Princess pants
I don't like Princess pants
Daddy says you've got to put on your Princess pants
No, I don't like it.
Come on
No no no
Molly, you have to wear your Princess pants, it's bedtime.
I don't want Princess pants, It's my bum, I want spotty pants.
...
...
Fair enough (daddy gets spotty pants)

Why isn't Molly wearing her pull ups?
She wanted to wear spotty pants instead
but she's going to bed
It's her bum
What?
It's her bum
Are you an idiot.
She said...
Go and put on her pull up princess pants you big tool, she's away to go to her bed

Hiya Molly
Hiya Daddy
Mummy says we have to wear Princess Pants
Oh, Ok

[RED-DOG]

Molly, come here, It's time to put on your Princess pants
No
Come here
No
Princess pants
No
You like Princess pants
I don't like Princess pants
Daddy says you've got to put on your Princess pants
No, I don't like it.
Come on
No no no
Molly, you have to wear your Princess pants, it's bedtime.
I don't want Princess pants, It's my bum, I want spotty pants.
...
...
Fair enough (daddy gets spotty pants)

Why isn't Molly wearing her pull ups?
She wanted to wear spotty pants instead
but she's going to bed
It's her bum
What?
It's her bum
Are you an idiot.
She said...
Go and put on her pull up princess pants you big tool, she's away to go to her bed

Hiya Molly
Hiya Daddy
Mummy says we have to wear Princess Pants
Oh, Ok

It's priceless stuff Tank.

[Waz1892]

My 5year old Daughter.

She was receiving an certificate for achieving 100 merits so far in the term at assembly.  We were both going to watch of course, and gave her a few pointers....Be proud, hold the certificate away from your face so we can see your beautiful smille...

A few mintues later we caught her looking at the mirror streching her mouth....

" Are you OK, is your mouth or teeth hurting you"
"No Daddy, I'm practicing which smile to use"

Take that to my grave

[leethefish]

my 6 year old at the time was doing a lesson at school on pets/garden animals etc

one little girl says we have a pet rabbit and i take it out of his hutch i stroke it and play with it its lovely

another says we have a cat and a dog and we play with them all the time

my little Chloe pipes up we had a frog in our garden

teacher: arr that's nice

Chloe: it was but my dad chopped its head off with the lawn mower!!!

[RED-DOG]

"No, you can't take Henry outside, you'll dirty his legs"

Mrs Red.

(5pts for the first correct explanation)

[GreekStein]

"No, you can't take Henry outside, you'll dirty his legs"

Mrs Red.

(5pts for the first correct explanation)

Henry the hooverrrrr