Vagueness and the Aftermath - A sporadic diary

[RED-DOG]

Big Barry Langdon and Battery eyed Bob.

Having thought about it, I decided that the Big Barry and Battery eyed Bob story woiuldn't work very well in a printed format, so I just kinda hoped you would forget all about it... Wrong!

OK, I'll try to tell it, but you will have to accept it in fits and starts. It will be a "Sporadic" story.

[Laxie]

Anyone who can make a septic tank story as entertaining as you have is surely able to spill this one with ease.  Get on with it Sir...we've been waiting ages!

[RED-DOG]

Before that.... This.

I always try to make a conscious effort to see things. Now I know we all see things, otherwise we would bump into them, but what I mean is really see things, look at everyday things with new eyes, observe, really see.

I used to forget to really see, and then things would just pass me by in a sort of multi-coloured blur. Sooner or later, I would realise what was happening and feel like I has missed something really important, (Which I probably had).

So. I would very much like to try a little experiment. I want you to take a moment or two to look at ordinary stuff like you have never seen it before, and post what you see on here. (I once asked a bloke that used to work with me occasionally do do this when he went home and the next day I asked him what he had noticed. "Our lass is an ugly mare" He replied, totally deadpan. I still don't know if he was kidding.)   

Seriously though, post about anything you like. Nature, family, buildings, TV, snatches of conversation, peoples clothing, pets... in fact anything you might observe that you didn't notice before.

It doesn't matter if your entry is three words, or several pages long. The winner can be decided by a poll, (steady bolt) or I will choose the one I like the best.

The prize will be 'Harrington on Hold em' vol 1 & 2 (slightly used) and Des Wilson's excellent 'Ghosts at the Table' (Pristine)

All entries to be in by midnight next Saturday. 07-06-08

[Dingdell]

Policemen.  Who teaches them to talk like that?

"I was proceeding along the M25 when I perceived a motor vehicle which had sustained a punctured rear tyre...."

They all do it. Why?

I would guess it's because back in the day, coppers were just ordinary people, with the same education and background as the general population (working class), but they had a position of respect in line with professions such as doctors and lawyers, who were generally 'better brought up' (ie posh) and had gone to university, so who would tend to use more florid language.

The coppers would try to sound more like the posh people, without the experience of using big words, and so said things like 'I was proceeding etc' because they thought that's how posh people spoke - they thought they were using better English, when in fact they were mangling it. I have to say I haven't noticed it much with coppers nowadays - they watch too much of The Bill.

You can see the same sort of thing with call centre muppets, who use big words to sound more intelligent even though they have no idea how to use them correctly. The classic example is of them using reflexive pronouns instead of objective pronouns because they think it sounds more intelligent ('I would like to thank yourself for taking the time to speak with myself today').

Eerrmm  we were trained to speak like that - it's all do do with presenting evidence at court. If everyone used the 'Queens' english and the same words to describe things then the court were able to understand evidence much easier. Also this was in the days when the defence were really up themselves and would use any opportunity to pull an officer up on his presentation of evidence. So to have a standardisation across the forces negates any areas of doubt as to what was being said. It continues today when giving evidence, note books (soon to be abandoned) have to be written correctly as they can be submitted as evidence of an officers recollection of an incident.


This thread highlights the fact that different regions use different words for the same object like a roll. The police stylee trys to cross over that and get everyone speaking the same - I think.

[Dingdell]

Anyway more Bob please    TYVM

[RED-DOG]

Policemen.  Who teaches them to talk like that?

"I was proceeding along the M25 when I perceived a motor vehicle which had sustained a punctured rear tyre...."

They all do it. Why?

I would guess it's because back in the day, coppers were just ordinary people, with the same education and background as the general population (working class), but they had a position of respect in line with professions such as doctors and lawyers, who were generally 'better brought up' (ie posh) and had gone to university, so who would tend to use more florid language.

The coppers would try to sound more like the posh people, without the experience of using big words, and so said things like 'I was proceeding etc' because they thought that's how posh people spoke - they thought they were using better English, when in fact they were mangling it. I have to say I haven't noticed it much with coppers nowadays - they watch too much of The Bill.

You can see the same sort of thing with call centre muppets, who use big words to sound more intelligent even though they have no idea how to use them correctly. The classic example is of them using reflexive pronouns instead of objective pronouns because they think it sounds more intelligent ('I would like to thank yourself for taking the time to speak with myself today').

Eerrmm  we were trained to speak like that - it's all do do with presenting evidence at court. If everyone used the 'Queens' english and the same words to describe things then the court were able to understand evidence much easier. Also this was in the days when the defence were really up themselves and would use any opportunity to pull an officer up on his presentation of evidence. So to have a standardisation across the forces negates any areas of doubt as to what was being said. It continues today when giving evidence, note books (soon to be abandoned) have to be written correctly as they can be submitted as evidence of an officers recollection of an incident.


This thread highlights the fact that different regions use different words for the same object like a roll. The police stylee trys to cross over that and get everyone speaking the same - I think.

How interesting. Thank you Trace.

[RED-DOG]

Big Barry Langdon and Battery eyed Bob.


I first Met Big Barry Langdon when I was stopping on a local authority Gypsy site at North Anston nr Dinnington in South Yorkshire. I would have been about 17 at the time.

Barry Lived 2 or 3 miles away on a rough housing estate called the White City at Laughton Common, but he spent a lot of time mooching around the Gypsy site. He always had his finger in some or other unsavory pie, or a "Get rich quick" scheme that required finance, or some hooky goods to sell. I suppose in his mind he saw the Gypsies as some kind of kindred spirits.

He saw himself as a gangster, but in reality he was just a petty crook, a thug and a bully.

You know the type, you've see him a thousand times. 6ft-ish, bald, or with close cropped hair, sliced loaf neck, well muscled, but running to fat, poor quality tattoos, collarless teeshirt, (fag packet up sleeve)  tracky bottoms and trainers in all weathers.

He is never wrong, but he wins all his arguments by shouting louder than anyone else. Every other word he uses is a swear word, and he thinks that breaking wind loudly in public is not only acceptable, but is actually enhanced by the fact that he is holding someones head close to his bottom, (I know, I was that soldier) or by a tough guy comment along the lines of "Gerrout and walk, you bastard." 

Barry was dispicable, and to me as a 17 year old, he was also quite scary. (Especially when he shouted, or got me in an armlock, or sat on my head and farted) but, he did have one redeeming feature. He used to play snooker for money, and I could beat him at snooker....

[tikay]

Policemen.  Who teaches them to talk like that?

"I was proceeding along the M25 when I perceived a motor vehicle which had sustained a punctured rear tyre...."

They all do it. Why?

After a recent hostage siege, which ended in the building being raided by armed police, & the hostage being killed - shot 5 times through the head - the police were asked if indeed they had shot him. (As opposed to the guy shooting himself in  the head 5 times, like.....)

"We cannot currently confirm if the Armed Respnse Unit did in fact discharge their weapons".

"You mean, you are not sure if you shot him?"

"Yes, the question of a possible discharge of Constabulary Armoury has yet to be ascertained".

Trade Union leaders in the 70's & 80's were notorious for it.

"My Executive Committee have asked the Chair on behalf of the Membership to move a Resolution opposing Composite 73 at Conference. I move that Brother Scargill responds".

At which Arthur would get up & say "you are all  pile of shite". In some ways I quite liked Arthur Scargill.

[booder]

You know the type, you've see him a thousand times. 6ft-ish, bald, or with close cropped hair, sliced loaf neck, well muscled, but running to fat, poor quality tattoos, collarless teeshirt, (fag packet up sleeve)  tracky bottoms and trainers in all weathers.

    sounds familiar

[boldie]

You know the type, you've see him a thousand times. 6ft-ish, bald, or with close cropped hair, sliced loaf neck, well muscled, but running to fat, poor quality tattoos, collarless teeshirt, (fag packet up sleeve)  tracky bottoms and trainers in all weathers.

    sounds familiar

Never met the fella.

But I now have the strang urge to treat Mr Red to a bit of nostalgia by farting in his face at bB7

[Laxie]

   Reckon you'll have to catch him first

[RED-DOG]

Help!! Had these lyrics in my head all day and can't think where they come from.

I'm going to marry a lighthouse keeper and de de de de de......

[AndrewT]

Help!! Had these lyrics in my head all day and can't think where they come from.

I'm going to marry a lighthouse keeper and de de de de de......

Current Marks and Spencer advert - Twiggy etc prancing about on the beach.

[RED-DOG]

Help!! Had these lyrics in my head all day and can't think where they come from.

I'm going to marry a lighthouse keeper and de de de de de......

Current Marks and Spencer advert - Twiggy etc prancing about on the beach.

FFS Andrew, do you know everything?

PS- Thank you.

[AndrewT]

Help!! Had these lyrics in my head all day and can't think where they come from.

I'm going to marry a lighthouse keeper and de de de de de......

Current Marks and Spencer advert - Twiggy etc prancing about on the beach.

FFS Andrew, do you know everything?

PS- Thank you.

I don't know everything - I just tend to pay attention when models in swimwear prance about on my TV.