An account of Jeeves' trip to Las Vegas latterly in the service of Mr tikay.

[MereNovice]

Hi Jeeves

Any chance you can clarify the Master got my Staking Monies.
Asked him several times on his blog but probably too busy looking at
Pictures of Kiss and Ryan Spittles.

Many Thanks. Jeeves Keep up the Good Work.

I believe that Jeeves already has his hands full but I can confirm that your money has been received.

Carry on Jeeves; excellent as always.

[Rubbish2407]

One day I hope to be able to afford a Jeeves. Superb work once again.

[dreenie]

One day I hope to be able to afford a Jeeves. Superb work once again.

[Claw75]

<3 Jeeves

[Jeeves]

"Morning Jeeves"

Across the other side of the room I looked at my watch. 3.30am. I groaned inwardly. Years of training had attuned my body clock to the vicissitudes of travelling between time-zones but despite his advancing years it was all too obvious that my master was struggling to adjust to Las Vegas time

"Morning Sir" I replied far more jauntily than I was feeling

"I'll just make your breakfast sir. Three lattes, six sugars, five sticky buns and a pack of rennies"

"Thank you Jeeves, just off to the media centre for half an hour. Will be back just after four"

I busied myself ironing socks while the kettle boiled. I placed the rennies in order (one before breakfast, one after bun two, one after bun four and one at the end of the nutritious meal) and waited

Soon there was a knock at the door. There were three men. In the middle was my master, looking at the floor. Either side of him two security guards, guns holstered and pectoral muscles the size of a small island, held an arm each

"This man staying here?" one of them asked

"Why yes, Anthony Kendall of Thames Ditton surrey, formerly of Ilkeston Derbyshire. Sky Poker's fourth best analyst (BRMB audience survey October 2013) and the best mis-clicker of his generation. He is staying here"

The other guard looked at me suspiciously.

"Caught him trying to enter the media centre. Put in the wrong passcode 14 times, triggered a whole hotel lock-down"

My Master looked up sheepishly

"thought i could remember the code from last year Jeeves"

I looked at him. Tempting as it was to deny all knowledge of him, as I knew the combination to his safe and the contents meant I could do a lot of damage in Peppermints that evening, the momentary loss of mental professionalism passed and I made excuses on his behalf as ushered my master to the sofa

"Sorry officers, its his age. Jet-lag. Age. Won't happen again."

The security guards surveyed the scene. Ironing board with socks on. Breakfast tray with rennies, latte and sticky buns. Sheet hanging from the ceiling. Master's Thomas the Tank engine kimono draped on an unmade bed. They looked at each other, eyebrows raised and beat a retreat backwards, shutting the door behind them

"Bun sir?"

My master nodded and was quiet whilst he ate

His sang froid soon restored he soon outlined the plans for the day

"Orleans Casino. Pot Limit Omaha competition 1pm Jeeves"

"Yes sir, would you like me to accompany you?"

"Yes Jeeves, you have to keep Redsimon and oldkingcole away from me. All Redsimon does is talk about Billy Davies and how he was badly treated. All oldkingcole does is talk about repairing watches. Jeeves, its important. Redsimon goes one way, I go the other"   

"Yes sir, shall I prepare your flask and a picnic, and take your blanket just in case its a bit chilly around the ankles sir?"

My Master looked at me oddly. I couldn't quite tell what he was thinking, but that was probably just as well


--

On arrival at the Orleans there didn't seem to be too many people. I decided to be brave

"Sir, this is our fourth trip together"

Master nodded

"I have never played poker on any of these trips"

Master half-nodded

"I wondered if.."

I was interrupted

"Jeeves no...."

at that precise moment a senior looking man in a suit approached us

"Two more entries, fantastic" and shouted to the room "TWO MORE ENTRIES!!!"

An assortment of Vegas grinders, cowboys and redsimon looked up, like basking sharks at the sight of a shoal of krill

"but..." this time My Master was interrupted

"TWO ENTRIES".

we were by now at the front of the queue by the cage

Master looked at me. I spoke to the lady

"Two entries for your 1pm competition please. He's paying"

If I was being sacked in the morning, I might as well go down in flames 

I spoke to the person behind me in the queue

"its ok, he's staked. Not his money, so he can afford it"

Master looked furious but no doubt wary of making his second scene of the day demurred and handed over the bills to the teller

--

I spent the day alternating between waiting for A-A-K-K and replenishing Master's cup from the flask, and occasionally straightening his travel blanket. I also caused some consternation by my method  of never once tabling my cards until the other(s) had. Seemed sensible to me. Let them go first. I would pick my cards up, look at them, look at the board, put one card (no good) down on the table, then another (no good), then, still 1 at a time, the two winning cards. 

To Master's astonishment, and the general bemusement of the rest of the table around me we found ourselves both in the competition with a few minutes left in the day, and one place off securing a dual Vegas cash

There was quite a discussion on the three tables "we want to play down to the money, all agree?" followed by much nodding of wise heads & general agreement.

So the TD man agreed, provided every single player agreed.

Every single player DID agree - except one. Me.

What is the point of having rules and regulations is you don't stick to them? I argued

"My whole working life has been about routine, rules and respect for authority. Why is the poker world different? Anyway My Master..."

I pointed at my Master who looked as if the ground should swallow him up, and quickly

"has to get some sleep, he always has a horlicks at midnight by the latest and I have to read him his bedtime story. Tonight its Isambard Kingdom Brunell and building the Clifton Suspension bridge, the unauthorised biography"

I noticed the odd stifled chortle in the midst of an uneasy silence

I decided to stand my ground

"the sheet says we stop after Level 12, so I refuse".

I didn't have many chips, but the principle was key.

My Master was by now red faced

"Jeeves not only should you not have played this tournament, but you've complained about everything, non-stop, for nigh on 12 hours."

I waited, as I sensed there was more

Master affected a comical voice "blinds go up in 5 minutes Dealer, don't forget". His voice returned to normal "Every level Jeeves. Every level"

At that point With 1 minute to go to end of Level, that Automated Tourney Software announcey voice thing  rung around the room

"BEEP BEEP BEEP - THIS IS THE LAST HAND OF THE LEVEL, NEXT HAND BLINDS GO UP" 

I cleared my throat

"Bllinds up, gentlemen, end of the day's play I think"

As we travelled back from the Orleans, in silence, you could cut the atmosphere with a travel blanket.

[Karabiner]

Too good Jeeves old boy. 

[Kev B]

Utter brilliance.

[Knottikay]

Excellent.

[Marky147]

[ForthThistle]

 

Tremendous..

[Rubbish2407]

Hope you binked it Jeeves.

[Chompy]

From strength to strength.

[Jeeves]

The poker tournament had finished

Master min-cashed

I won it.

Master next spoke to me the following morning, our communication in the twelve hours previous had been a mixture of grunts, nods and signs from him to me to which responded professionally and diligently whilst all the time awaiting a hastily scribbled P45

As I awoke the following morning Ipicked up two flyers that had been put under the door



I hurried to hide that one

Click to see full-size image.

but as I bustled to remove that from view My master strode behind me

"Jeeves, let me look"

I turned round slowly, and with a heavy heart handed over the flyers

Master's eyes lit up and his hands began shaking.

"W-W-World of C-c-c-c-concrete Jeeves? A convention Jeeves. Today Jeeves"

"Sir, it appears so but you have the $5 PLO8 to play at the Tropicana, drinks are free. Fun and sunshine assured sir"

The thought of a day on the front row of an audience at a concrete convention next to a slobbering Master filled me with dread

"Once in a lifetime opportunity Jeeves, we must Jeeves. Tell my stakers there is a change of plans. Oh, and as you won that tournament yesterday you are paying the event fee"

"but..."

A firm hand was thrust in the direction of my face as he cut me off and then moved towards the television. The news item was even worse news for me



Later that day, we entered the convention center

I tried to get waylaid on the way in...



but Master was having none of it and dragged me through hall after hall of displays

Click to see full-size image.

My feet were sore, but I knew that it was soon time for the speeches. What neither I or master expected was what happened next.

"Ladies and Gentlemen.." a man in a high-vis jacket stood on stage and his voiced boomed via sound system across the hall, "unfortunately our keynote speaker has been delayed, do we have a volunteer to talk about concrete?"

I sat completely still. An awful feeling of dread spread across my body. The crowd murmured.

Next to me, i could sense a stirring and confirming my worst fears my Master stood and walked up to the stage

A smattering of applause rang through the room as My master shook hands with hi-vis and went to the podium

I could barely look

"Good morning, my name's tikay and I love concrete.."

applause

and then silence, the room slightly uneasy as My master searched for the right words to describe his 47 year love affair with the World of Concrete.

I quickly googled wikipedia and went up to the stage and whispered in a rather panicky master's ear

"concrete is a composite material composed of water, coarse granular material (the fine and coarse aggregate or filler) embedded in a hard matrix of material (the cement or binder) that fills the space among the aggregate particles and glues them together."

He cleared his throat

"Good morning, my name's tikay and I love concrete. Concrete is a composite material composed of water, coarse granular material (the fine and coarse aggregate or filler) embedded in a hard matrix of material (the cement or binder) that fills the space among the aggregate particles and glues them together. I also won the Bluff Europe Award for UK Poker personality earlier this year, but the trophy was perspex, not concrete..."

A silence filled the air again. On the big screen behind the podium an image was displayed, of My master in less tense times, as the convention staff had clearly been busy in the pause in the speech



My master left the stage

"poker, sir?"

"Tropicana, Jeeves"

As we exited the hall, the three young ladies I saw on entrance handed me their number. Or so I thought. I turned over the piece of paper to see



I expect that is Master's next Las Vegas trip sorted then

[Rubbish2407]

Pleased to hear that you binked Jeeves and only a matter of time before you land one of those fine looking fillies you keep photographing. Splendid work.

[Marky147]

Good work, Jeeves!

Out of interest, where do the fantasy girls ply their trade? 

Thought I recognised the uniform, so just curious, obviously