Joke!!

[bobAlike]

My wife is just like Heather Mills, she only wears half the effin' shoes she buys!

[MANTIS01]

How much does a cockney charge for shampoo?

Pantene

[Claw75]

How much does a cockney charge for shampoo?

Pantene

hehe

[david3103]

I was engaged to a girl who worked at a petrol station. When she broke it off I was absolutely devastated.
To this day I can't drive past that garage without filling up.

[boldie]

I was engaged to a girl who worked at a petrol station. When she broke it off I was absolutely devastated.
To this day I can't drive past that garage without filling up.

lol WP

[Simon Galloway]

Two old girlfriends went on a girls night out and got ratarsed. As they staggered home, they had to stop at a nearby cemetary for a pee. The first woman couldn't find anything to wipe with so she took her panties off and used them. The second thought her panties were too nice to spoil and wiped herself on a paper leaf attached to nearby wreath. The next morning, while the two girls were snoring off the worst hangover, their respective husbands were on the phone:

''The girls have got to stop this drinking and clubbing, my wife came home without any pants on last night'' said the first husband.

''My wife's never going out again'', said the second husband, ''She came home with a label stuck to her arse that said : ''we'll never forget you, with love from the boys at the fire station''

[trafficjam]

Two old girlfriends went on a girls night out and got ratarsed. As they staggered home, they had to stop at a nearby cemetary for a pee. The first woman couldn't find anything to wipe with so she took her panties off and used them. The second thought her panties were too nice to spoil and wiped herself on a paper leaf attached to nearby wreath. The next morning, while the two girls were snoring off the worst hangover, their respective husbands were on the phone:

''The girls have got to stop this drinking and clubbing, my wife came home without any pants on last night'' said the first husband.

''My wife's never going out again'', said the second husband, ''She came home with a label stuck to her arse that said : ''we'll never forget you, with love from the boys at the fire station''

 

[Woodsey]

Paddy is walking down the road eating a bag of doughnuts, Murphy meets him & says ' if I can guess how many doughnuts you have in the bag, can I have one? Paddy said ' if you can guess how many doughnuts are in there you can have both of them!! '...............Murphy says 'Four!'

[Simon Galloway]

A young man called Chris from London wanted to buy a Christmas present for
his new girlfriend.

They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Scotland .

Chris consulted with his sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality gloves would strike the right note... not too romantic and not too personal.

Off he went with his sister to Harrods and they selected a dainty pair of fur lined quality leather gloves. His sister bought a pair of sexy knickers for herself at the same time.

Harrods had a free gift wrap offer but the assistant mixed up the two items, the sister got the gloves and Chris unknowingly got the knickers.

Good old Chris sent off his gift wrapped present in a parcel with the following letter.


Dear Maggie,

I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears shorter ones (which are easier to remove).

These are a very delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any marks.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little bit tight on her. She also said that they rub against her ring which helps keep it clean. In fact she hasn't needed to wash it since she began wearing them.

I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them a little bit because they will be naturally a little damp from wearing.

Just imagine how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.

I hope you will wear them for me on our next date.

All my love,

Chris

P.S. My mum tells me that the latest style is to wear them folded down with a little bit of fur showing

[Girgy85]

Q: Whats a horses fav sport?




A: Stable Tennis

[LeedsRhodesy]

Q: Whats a horses fav sport?




A: Stable Tennis

Please don't quit your day job

[Girgy85]

Q: Whats a horses fav sport?




A: Stable Tennis

Please don't quit your day job

I got kicked out of HMV after asking for a Coldplay song!

I was looking for Trouble!

[sofa----king]

I went to see a football match while on holidays in japan...
At the end of the game all the players started doing martial arts,
I said to the guy next to me what's all this about?
He said it's 3 minutes of ninjary time

[sofa----king]

I went to my bosses house for dinner
His wife said how many potatoes would you like James
I said oh just the one thanks
She said no need to be polite I said ok
Just the one you stupid fat cow

[bobAlike]

I went to the doctors to day to get my balls checked out.
Whilst he was fondling my balls he said "..don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection."
I said  "What!!! I haven't got one."
"No, but I have" he replied.