The Best In The Business

[pleno1]

Post from 2p2

I really do enjoy this thread as I find it has a lot to offer. Not just in a poker sense, but also the other side of poker that is not so glamorous. Sucks that you do not feel as though you are accomplishing the accolades that you think you deserve, but you knew what you were getting into with poker. I felt like I knew you would end up playing the 3k, just needed a good night's sleep. So good on you man.

Something else that came to mind was the fact that you were so mentally depleted and let your emotions get the best of you. That is a completely normal reaction. Although, there is one thing I have learned in life and that is that sometimes life does not give you time to prepare, but only to react. How people react says a lot about their true character. Adding to this point, I think that you being a role model and leader (your stable), need to demonstrate more strength because if your stable goes through the same thing, they'll look to you for positive reinforcement.

Anyways, keep pushing through man, love the thread!

I really do enjoy this thread as I find it has a lot to offer. Not just in a poker sense, but also the other side of poker that is not so glamorous. Sucks that you do not feel as though you are accomplishing the accolades that you think you deserve, but you knew what you were getting into with poker. I felt like I knew you would end up playing the 3k, just needed a good night's sleep. So good on you man.

Something else that came to mind was the fact that you were so mentally depleted and let your emotions get the best of you. That is a completely normal reaction. Although, there is one thing I have learned in life and that is that sometimes life does not give you time to prepare, but only to react. How people react says a lot about their true character. Adding to this point, I think that you being a role model and leader (your stable), need to demonstrate more strength because if your stable goes through the same thing, they'll look to you for positive reinforcement.

Anyways, keep pushing through man, love the thread!

Hopefully what I've shown to then is that poker isn't easy and you've really got to work hard. The main point is that it's inoerrstive that if you are feeling tilted etc you deal with that outside of the game. Again I know it sounds arrogant but I feel this summer, even when I've felt my best and my worst mentally I have played extremely good and with very few mistakes.

As I alluded to previously the main problem is that between poker tournaments I feel sad and depressed about results.

The fact that people tell me "man up you pussy" "get your head out your ass" "grow up" etc is pretty funny but somewhat cringing. Depression is such a big thing in life and people hide it exactly because of these reactions. If Jimmy posts on facebook he's really sad about his job working in the bank and feels no purpose and then everybody jumps down his throat like "oh my god you're so privileged" "there's leople not eating" "you are so ungrateful" then next time when he wants to post he won't because he feels extremely embarrassed about it and then the depression will overload completely.

Around 5-8% of people suffer from depression and around 0.4% of people self harm/commit suicide because of it. Out of the 8% of people probably 1% discuss it with anybody and probably 1% of that 1% would ever discuss it again if they received negativity towards what they are saying. A huge number of cases of depression people would not understand why they could ever be so unhappy. They have the food on the table, a roof above their head, how could they be so unhappy, how dare they?!?!?!

Now don't get me wrong I'm not trying to play the clinically depressed card, I've just realised I have a relatively minor case of depression when I play the high buy ins ($10k+) and run poorly (which is going to be most of the time for most people) so you may ask "why the hell do you play them then?" Well there's a reason that I'm not playing the Aria 25ks every weekend and that's not because I doubt my ability.

Moving on to ego..

The thing with these highrollers and all the guys who are apparently the ultimate pros who I should aspire to is that they have bigger egos than almost anybody. Many guys are playing for 1-10% of themselves in high rollers, even in 10k highrollers I know some guys that people would assume definitely have 100% of themselves who play for 5% of themselves. Many of these guys are going around the world and not working on their game, not grinding online, just grinding the ever growing makeup train and absolutely rofling around. Hard workers like Praytush, Connor, Timex (playing 500nl when he has all the money just so he can improve) are my real inspirations.

Do I personally have a big ego? I don't know. Do I want to be the best poker player in the world? Yes, does that make ne egotistical? Probably not. Do I want people to think I'm the best poker player in the world? Yes. Does that make me egotistical? Probably.

I just want to finish this off with the reiteration of what I've said a lot of times recently, so for those of you who do read... Apologies. I really use this as a diary where I will give you guys every single emotion that I carry throughot my journey until I decide to finish blogging for good. There is no motive behind things, I'm not trying to make myself look like a superstar or make myself sound like a good guy. It's ny diary and I'll write it as if it's only for me.

[shipitgood]

It's pretty "cringing" the way you brandish about depression "only when you lose at 10k plus events". That most certainly isn't depression and is demeaning to folk that have depression.

If you can't afford the games you are playing naturally it's going to hurt when you aren't getting anywhere.

It's also "cringing" your constant need for attention / validation.

A lot of your posts don't come across a well at all.

Alex in his post was saying how you were on good form at the rail, if you want to do a blog/ whatever, why not try and do yourself justice and act like you do in rl.

Previously you said this year you would only be keeping a private (written) diary, but then of course you wouldn't get all the attention you crave.

Maybe that would be a good idea "It's ny diary and I'll write it as if it's only for me.", just keep a private diary.
 

[pleno1]

Good point, I can see how posts will be very tilting for people to read but I'm not the kind of guy to make things seem different so I come off in a better light. Perhaps you're rigjt and I should keep things documented privately from now on.

Apologies if you took the post badly but I think I wrote it with as much cautious as possible , writing that ofc I'm not or near clinically depressed!m

Definitely could be right that this stops now, but the thing is if people don't like reading something they aren't forced to read it. If things come across very badly to you then you have the right to just not open the page. I tried to do a summer of brutally honest from the heart posts that would give people an insight into a pros life. It isn't as easy or rosy as you think.

Adios for now amigo.

[pleno1]

I went back and read every reply again over the last two days, I think because I write such long posts people don't read what I'm actually saying a lot of the time, but I also sympathise with a lot of the messages. Just to reiterate again, I went into summer with the intention of writing this as a public diary to show how professional poker players think on a day to day basis, show forms of delusion, entitlement etc. I tried to be brutally honest with myself, It isn't as easy or rosy as you think. Looking back one week I was disgusted at myself for getting the starting time wrong and that I was such a lazy professional, of course this wouldn't be a natural thing to blog about how upset I was at my time, it would be natural to write "Sigh got start time wrong, but went in and span up 25k into 80k" I was trying to go down the route of what my mind was telling me and then scribbling it all down here asap, thats why I impulsively post when I am at either end of my emotional spectrum.

Perhaps it could be right that I just stop the blog for now, it seems to really make people angry which really isn't my intention at all but the thing is if people don't like reading something they aren't forced to read it. If things come across very badly to you then you have the right to just not open the page.


I think if I've posted 100 times in this thread perhaps 95 of those posts are deep strategy posts as the core of the post but always write how I felt about the day even if it was "great day today" "meh day today" "sigh day today" etc.

Perhaps posting those strategy things was a big "look at me, look how sick I'm playing" I'm sure thats how it comes across to people or that I'm trying to be accepted, but I genuinely really love writing and really love poker, a lot of the times I ask others for their opinions and try to get discussion going, I think I've asked a lot about spots that I was really unsure on, or felt lost in and theres not usually much response, and thats totally fine I understand people don't want to give away strategy for free, but for people to think that posting all of this stuff was just to make myself look good really wasn't the case. If all the sickos who read this replied and gave their wizardry knowledge then perhaps it could have been a legendary thread.

After WSOP I'll really break down everything for myself personally and plan exactly how I want to proceed with life moving forward, poker obviously will be the main thing that I will focus on for the immediate future.

Sorry for those who have been pissed off in the last few days, I kinda get it, but I didn't intend it.

If anybody in Vegas or Barcelona see's me just stop me and chat, you will be surprised how happy I am to just chat about things etc.

Adios for now amigos.

[Evilpengwinz]

Around 5-8% of people suffer from depression

and around 0.4% of people self harm/commit suicide because of it.

Haven't posted on here for a while, got told to have a look at this post though and it tilted me lol.

Self harm very often isn't a suicide attempt, but a suicide attempt is self harm. A rectangle isn't necessarily a square, but a square is a type of rectangle.

Also, not sure where you got those stats from, but overs by a loooooooooooooooooooong way.

[SuuPRlim]

mate I think you've taken this kinda badly tbh.

When i said grow a pair, what I meant was...grow a pair, you can either cuddle up in a ball and run away from Vegas, or you can stand like a lion and fight, I know lots of great guys who are awesome players who have gone for option #1, because they can't hack option #2, no disrespect to that at all, in fact ultra respect because they realized it wasn't for them and moved on, something I always wondered if I'd have the smarts to do. So I certainly wasn't saying "you're a pussyboi oiiiiiii" I was just saying these are the times that define talented gamblers from professional gamblers, you can have all the skill in the world, all the theoretical knowledge and even all of the money and successful results but if you can't recover emotionally from these times then you are NOT a successful professional gambler.

I've been through up and down swings like crazy in my career and Ive come out of them with way less money then I feel I should have, maybe been 30-40% as good as I should have been at the ^^^ above, and probably only about 50% as good a player as I should be, but what I have come out with is a real understanding of how emotional swings and just plain variance works.

You're going to have runs as bad if not worse than this again, and you're going to feel like you did when you posted that again and what's more it's going to happen several times more to you, unless you get very lucky, which is ofc always possible/perfectly allowed

I understand, kinda, why you feel you have a huge point to prove and want to report every poker hand where you have second pair like you're re-righting super-system, and want to be seen bashing up the superstars so they go ad talk to their superstar pals on the break and tell them they just played with this kid from england who is an absolute beast you gotta watch out for him, but seriously mate, you DONT have anything to prove, your work ethic and approach to the all aspects of the game is brilliant and its clear you're a very talented player, be proud of yourself for your achievements in that sense as they do you credit, focus on getting the very best out of yourself and let other people think whatever they wanna think.

Real validation comes only from yourself.

Sorry my posts came across badly, I was a bit drunk when I wrote the first one
Gl in vegas

[MANTIS01]

Hey, anyone who plays poker for a reasonable length of time will battle with the emotions you illustrate in these posts. Most people will find the instability of results compared to the investment of time and effort not greatly worthwhile in the long term. Many will simply quit playing poker or only play poker sporadically in their leisure time. You however are touting this game as your full time profession! You have a desire to be the best in the business! Therefore you absolutely need to cultivate a professional attitude that is a cut above the masses when variance strikes. If you don’t you cannot tout yourself as the BITB because you will simply not be.

Therefore my advice to stop being such a pussy is the best you will receive. I think poker is quite a brutal game and it has no time for people who feel sorry for themselves. The world will still turn whatever way you react and the cards will still be dealt whatever way you feel. Literally every poker player thinks others don’t quite understand how it’s particularly unfair on them, their personal bad luck is unique, why can’t people just understand the extremities of my situation?? Frankly mate it’s boring and pathetic.

You can hope for sympathy and understanding from all quarters but that is unrealistic, it’s like somebody getting upset about dying, it happens to everyone so we all have to just deal with it. You might think those who can’t muster up “nice posts” are your enemies but in fact they are doing you a favour and passing on their experience. Is the personal trainer who is nice to their clients and lets them off working hard in the gym the BITB? Or is the personal trainer who drives their clients hard in the gym without apology the BITB? The world will still turn and the cards will still be dealt whatever you feel. So if you want to wallow in pity when you bust “big events” then that is your free choice to make. However, I would urge you to find another profession because you will never be the best that you can be. We have very limited time in life, don’t waste a second.

Let me cut and paste your attitude to my own profession to illustrate how stupid it sounds. I am a General Manager of leisure/entertainment businesses and have been since the age of 21. I take my profession very seriously, just like you, I work insanely hard, just like you and I have been incredibly successful, just like you. A few years ago I was starting to feel unfulfilled so just like everybody else in this free country I changed my circumstances and got a new job. I didn’t sit there talking about a small % of people who get depressed and cut their arms or whatever, I grabbed the bull by the horns and pro-actively changed my situation, just like you are free to quit poker anytime you like.

For the first few months I drove from Birmingham to Surrey and back every day! Like I said I work as hard as you. The business I manage had sustained losses every year since it opened in 2005. In my first year I worked insanely hard and reversed the fortunes of the business and made a profit of £56k. Last year I worked harder and made a profit of £535k. This year I'm working harder still and will make a profit of £1m. If there is another manager in this country who can boast comparable results from an established business I would be amazed. I am truly the best in the business, just like you.

Last year there was a big comp within my company where the manager who produced the best improvement in financial results would win a bonus of £20k, an all-expenses paid trip to Vegas for 2 weeks and the title of Best Manager in the Business. Well that is a big comp for me, just like the big comps you enter. My main rival was a guy called Brad who works in one of our Florida sites. I’m not a big fan of Brad because he is even more arrogant than me, which is quite some feat. I was determined to smash this comp, to show everyone I am the best and importantly to teach Brad who the boss manager really is. He had every advantage because his site was brand new, much bigger than mine; literally everything was in his favour! Yet I topped the league all year long and how sweet it was.

Then at the end of the year when I was set to scoop the world it started raining in Surrey. It rained and rained causing rivers to burst their banks and preventing customers from coming to my business. Brad started catching me...cos the sun was shining brightly in Florida see! We entered the last week of the year neck and neck. I was still super confident and was working harder than ever to win this big comp. Then you know what? In the last week it started snowing, fucking snowing. Nobody came and Brad won the lot...cos the sun was shining brightly in Florida see.

So I am a failure, I worked hard all year and failed. It’s not fair. The weather cost me everything. It’s not fair that it rains and snows in Surrey. It's not fair that the sun shines in Florida! I am a failure. How do I sound? Like a pussy? What can I do? Moan and groan and wallow in self-pity? Please can everyone try and understand how unlucky I am and please can everyone post some nice remarks about keeping my chin up and that I am good at my job. I wanted to be the BITB but I failed. Everyone should be talking about me but they are talking about Brad instead. It’s not fair. People can get depressed you know, they can self harm! I should have meditated harder and should have ate some better food. I am a failure, it’s not fair.
 
Mate, decide what you want to do. But if you want to be the BITB as a poker player don’t come with that shit attitude and results orientated bollocks. You will get short shrift from almost anybody who has played the game and much more importantly you will not fulfil your potential. The world is still going to turn and the cards are still going to be dealt no matter how pleno1 wants to feel. 

[Karabiner]

Truly awesome post there Mantis.

[Marky147]

Incred

PS.

Fucking English weather!

[Eso Kral]

Never thought I would post this but <3 Mantis a bit more every day!!

[TL900]

What a douche, Brad.

[buzzharvey22]

Fuck you Brad

[RED-DOG]

Brad you bastard. You know our boy deserves it more than you.

[pleno1]

Hey Mantis it wasn't actually your least post I was referring too, more a post from 2p2! I'm
Glad it inspired a really good post from you.

Everythings a little out of proportion in general. I'm not clinically depressed! Or even upset/sad at all and I have a really good understanding of what makes me sad. There will be literally thousands of people who feel completely crushed mentally by Vegas day in day out this summer I probably just wrote things in a rather over the top way.

Hate to keep writing this but it's really very simply a diary version of what's mentally in my mind when I bust a poker tournament. The real important things such as my actual game hasn't dropped at all and I've learned from everything. Moving forward I simply just have to go into things with Zero expectations except from playing my a game. One of the reasons things not working out well for me is perhaps because of the blogs. I perhaps wanted to go in runs and consistently win to try and proove my worth to people.

Weirdly im actually I'm actually in a very good place mentally, I regret having this "instinctive personal diary" this summer though, it's obviously came across differently, but perhaps so its showed
Me to keep thjngs a little closer to my chest moving forward too.

[Simon Galloway]

Whether you keep them close to your chest, or whether you write them up, the point is, they are bad thoughts to have.

You are going to need to go through several lifetimes of bracelet events before you even get close to working out whether or not you got what was due to you.  Many more times over in $10k+ events.

So, the only real way I think you can deal with it is to peel off an acceptable amount of your yearly online profit, take it to Vegas and spin it.  And then it is what it is.. and then when an ace rolls off on the river at 5pm one afternoon, you can smile a smile of borderline indifference, wish them gl with your chips and go and do something fun with the rest of your day.