china mug on china mug by china mug for china mug courtsy of china mug...a diary

[china mug]

forgot to mention got to see final of dtd deep stack on line ,last bit anyway ...was shocked to see no sign of spew boy.


ps is bob....boreing old bastard

or

behold  outstanding  brilliance

[the sicilian]

forgot to mention got to see final of dtd deep stack on line ,last bit anyway ...was shocked to see no sign of spew boy.


ps is bob....boreing old bastard

or

behold  outstanding  brilliance

Best of blonde... However one of yours might work to 

[china mug]

just a idea, with the country in a bit of a down turn economecaly in fact the world for that matter what is needed is a bit of light humour to cheer people up and take there minds of the fact that they have no money ,prospects,are getting old and no one cares,no proper medical services ,corrupt polititians,cant afford heating,and the guarantees on poker comps are no longer there......
so what i thought to do was invite everyone to do a short secret film of insperational content or humour to lift the spirits of the country,nay the world after they are uploaded onto the inter net......
with aprils fools day nearley upon us ,and at no cost my plan is to get a badge on a cord around my neck saying care in the comunity worker,and one of the ragulars from luton g poker club,some one who can appear to be with learning diffaculties,occassioneley nodding there head and muttering deeaar under there breath and saying ...i have a kitten..with a far away longing look in there eye,sod it the selection proccess at luton will take too long to whittle them down with so much talent potential in luton,i will just give every one a straw and the short straw gets the position in this sure to go viral and launch them and me into red carpet easy street with day time chat shows on loose woamen and the one show before being snapped up for the latest oceans 18 brad pitt ...i want another 50 million ...film flick.
i will just have to trust that no one from the cash game s cheets and shortens there own straw....

so armed with actor and secret camera we do the dead...
the target will be one of these over pretenciouse hair dressing unisex salons,the is one in everey town centre over priced over staffed with the beautiful people camp boys and bean pole girls with whispers of breasts and no bra as we enter they will on there collective radar spot that we arnt there usual clients ,i will explain that jamie...my charge for the week that im helping to be self sufficant in the community wants his hair cut in a posh salon and gets very moodey if told no,of cource paying there 35 for a hair cut is no problem,so once they have him in the chair...and they now know that he has a kitten ...i take the hair dresser to one side and tell him that this happens all the time at least everey two weeks when jamie gets it into his head to have his hair cut ,but in fact if you cut his hair he will get all emotional as he always has it done by his sister when she visits...so what we do is pay for the hair cut and if you pretend to cut his hair with lots of combing it this way and that way and snipping the scissors so he can hear it and asking him if he wants a little more of the back he will be happy that hes had a hair cut and i nearley forgot if you could finish by using the electric hair clippers on the hair on the back of his neck just hold it so he feels the tingle of the vibration and it isnt cutting ...and then announce there you are jamie thats you all done,or some thing simalar and he will know its time to leave....
so of the hair stylist goes not cutting jamies hair snip snip snip,comb comb comb,chat chat chat ....black and white kitten how nice....snip comb snip ....yes it is a niece town ,no i dont have a girl friend,o you have a girl friend at where you live thats nice ....glance over to co workers who are busy with real clients ,the clients smileing sweetley at this non hair cut that is takeing place....
and then finaley as the hair dresser feels that the kitten has moved in with him as he now knows what it likes to eat  where it likes to play where it likes to sleep and who amongst all the other residents at lucky chappies care home it likes and dislikes and why ,the hair dresser rubs jamies neck with the electrick hair cutters and announces there you are jamie all done.....
jamie gets out of the chair looks in the mirror ,quivers his bottom lip and says you took too much of ..im not happy ...my sister isnt happy...
of cource as jamie starts to head for the door i have to go with him as he is my charge whielst i have to explain to the hair dresser that as jamie is not happy with the end product i cant release funds ......
and could they reccomend another local hair dressers as this is the third one that hasnt got it right this morning.....
exit ,upload ,and private showings
you see whielst reeding this did you think about syria ,taxes ,or will i ever get enouth stamps on my luton g loyalty card to get a free teddy......no

[atdc21]

^^ lol sounds good

[china mug]

wheres the fun in funerals

[nirvana]

wheres the fun in funerals

the rave in grave

[china mug]

is it wrong to pull wings of flies
if one man looks at a glass and sees it as being half full and another man looks at the same glass and sees it as being half empty what is the landlord doing letting them stay in the pub without buying a drink
whineing at poker isnt everything theres still the slow roll of the loser
when i was at school the history teacher told us the story about george washinton and how he chopped down his fathers cherry tree and his father so enraged had demanded of all present who had carried out such a dastardley act and george washington had stepped forward and said...i can not tell a lie papa it was i that chopped down the cherry tree...and his father said ...son i was so angrey when i saw what had been done to my cherry tree i was going to punish the culprit most severley,but i am so impressed by you honesty that instead of punishing you i have decided to reward you,you may play with your x box assignes creed right up to your bed time.
the teacher then explained that that was a story from history that had a moral in it ,and she asked if any one in the class knew any stories from history with a moral in them.....well it didnt look like any one else was going to put there hand up so i did and said i knew a story about my great grandad who fought in the trenches in the first world war and it had a moral in it......
o do tell us said the teacher


tbc
soon

[china mug]

well my great grand father used to butcher cows which was a bit of a cocern as he was a green grocer but i guess even back then people had interestes out side of there work,plus the free meat probley came in handy,so any way he was in the trenches on the somme and the war had been dragging on for year after year when lord kitchener haveing had a few more than usual brandies in a commendered chateo 50 miles from the front,came up with a whizzard plan to finish of the hun and all be home by xmas......the cunning plan was baised on the fact that although the area in front of the british tommies trenches was no mans land and was laced with deadley machine guns ...if...and this is the devilishley cunning part ....if enough tommies on a ten mile front of the somme all got out of the trenches and advanced enmass on the huns lines that even though the huns machine guns would cut a swaith thru the advancing tommies...and yes lord kitchener admitted that the loss of life would be high ,but even with that great cost that he was prepared to pay....eventualey the huns machine guns would over heat or the huns might even run out of bulletts,and as every one knows the hun always has a good stiff swig of schnapps at midday to keep the cold out he may even be inabriated and shoot his own men by mistake ...either way seems like a dam fine plan and we can all be home for xmas,all the other officers in the chateaos wine cellar with lord kitchener couldnt fault the plan so the time was set for 2.00 pm when hun would be eneberated
so my great grand father was told by the officers to get ready for 2.00pmfor the big push,at 1.30 pm a cook came up the line giveing every man a tot of whisky ...to keep the cold out and put fire in there bellies...my great grand dad haveing a mometerey memory loss told the cook he needed six more shots of whisky for the men in the forward obsevation post or the cook could take it out there himself if he wanted ,the cook saw the wisdom in local knowledge gave him half a bottle of whisky and left,it was onley then that grandad rememberred that the foward post had tacken a direct hit that morning and those 6 brave commerrades were no more ,so touched with remorse and respect for his fallen commarades he drank a toaste to them all ,and then it was time tio go over the top

grandad charged out across nomans land men tumnbling like skittles around him ,fireing from the hip he stumbled onwards towards the hun lines his foot sunk into a gooey wet mess and he looked down at a dying tommie with his boot in his guts,,youl be allright son well pick you up on the way back...on he went fireing reloading fireing...then he ran out of bullets just as they breached the huns foward post a giant of a hun with a kaiser moustache lunged at him with his pistol fireing in one hand and a sword in the other grandad knocked the sword to one side kicked the hun in the balls and baynetted him from belly button to nipple he senced rather than saw a movement to his right and turned as a hun threw a stick grenade at him from a concealed bunker ,grandad leapt thru the air caught the grenade wrestled the hun to the wall of the german trench ripped open his tunic shoved the grenade into the tunic spun the hun around cut his throat with his boot baynet and shoved the startled hun back thu the door way into the path of 4 other blood thirsty nun rapeing baby baynetting cousins of wilhelm and ducked as they all screamed and fought like rats to get up and away from there doom ,the blast from the grenade covered grandad in dead germans blood and entrails  and deafened him he picked up the german machine gun that usaley needs two men to carry and charged along the german trenches wave after wave of huns fell like poppies in front of a combine harvester the last thing they saw was my grandad painted red from head to foot in blood screeming and shoveing the barrell into every nook and craney of the trenches lest he should miss out on killing any of the germans as he approached the end of one trench the machine gun stopped fireing and the last five germans left alive realiseing that this was there chance all turned on grandad with guns and baynets ,he grabbed the nearest on e stabbing him in the eye till the point of the baynet pierced the back of the skull and the  hun screamed as grandad advanced on the four remaining germans whose bullets were finding there mark in the screeming pin cushion of what was once one of the pride of the father land,he ripped of the dead huns helmet and used it like he was bailing water out of a trench on the next hun and the mans whole lower jaw left his body as he did a pioret before running away down the now empty trench two of the other huns each grabbed a arm of grandads and screemed at there commerade to kill him now with your baynett befor the rest of the tommies arrive ...grandad felt the baynett piece his shoulder and in his pain he broke free from one of the hun and with his free hand he pulled the baynett out of his flesh and shoved it straight up under the chin and thru the skull of the hun still holding him .....the last two remaininghearing the rest of the tommies comeing up there trenches turned there attention to there own survival....one of them as it turned out could speak exellent english,look tommie we just want to go ,this war is silly you are a brave man we will leave your men are comeing you stay here you are a hero we go ,and so saying they turned and whent to climb out of the trench and run away ,where upon grandad who hadnt heard a word of the most ellaquint of speeches pinned one of them to the wall of the trench with a discarded german rifle that still had its baynet and was just finishing drowning the other one face upwards in a muddy hole whielst screeming you started this war not me
so impressed were the officers that they sent grandad back to blighty and gave him a medal miss
the history teacher looked a bit dazzed by the story as had some of my class mates who had edged away from me somewhat
and eeerrr what was the moral of that story then asked the teacher
thats easy miss.......my grandad was a evel bastard once he got a drink in him

[china mug]

if domestos kills 99 % of all known germs what about the 1 % it dousnt kill
if your on a train travelling to newcastle and the train compartment is a sealed unit and the carriage is 20 metres long and a fly starts at the back wall and flies at 1 metre a hour towards the front of the carriage of the train and the train is travelling at 65 miles a hour into a 22 mile a hour head wind that is hitting the train at a 63 degree angle ,pull the wings of the fly to add to your collection get of the train at any station that will give you the right connection and go to dtd in nottingham in time for the grand prix

[celtic]

Ever been to nandos?

[china mug]

i wasnt quite sure what reaction my syle of blog would cause,but i was most definatley not expecting to be properisation for a date out for a meal and then for it to not even be a kebab........
who gets the tap end

[china mug]

Popped over to Luton G for the Friday nite game, in my opinion the only remaining comp worth playing at this venue.
Whilst there amongst all the friendly faces, light banter, repartee......I had occasion to exchange a few sentences with one of the regulars who offered to check the spelling and better present the layout of my Blogs on this site. Not wishing to embarrass the guy by naming him, I will refer to said "Wikipaedia Wannabe" as : "THINNY" I'm  sure Glevana and CHOMPSKI will know who I mean, if not perhaps mentioning he hails from the down Market side of Hadrians Wall. Which part I'm not exactly sure but I think all of him .
Clearly you can imagine my shock nay horror to have called into question my power of prose, would he have an opinion on how William Shakespeare would write his STUFF, probably telling him to use Crayons, or an opinion on how Professor Stephen Hawking could be fitted with a voice box so his speed of speech and oration would sound like a British Airways Stewardess advising you of where the emergency exits are........
Does he not realise you cannot go into the Hen who lays the golden egg and rearrange it's parts, you just accept that hey ho look over there it's another clutch of Golden Eggs.......if a person wants to read word perfect prose pick up a Poker Magazine where you will get sanitised comments and opinions.........but if you want to hear what it was like in the swinging sixties, best you find an old hippy and ask him.
If THINNY is actually suggesting that I should in fact do two blogs one of which is in my style and the other is in the new sanitised THINNY approved, easy to read and give Girlie giggles to format, what he is actually doing is exactly the same as in the Film "Good morning Vietnam" where attempts to moderate or Censor Robin Williams from doing his thing........
In the final analysis, why do I write a blog, why does anyone read it ? Surely the answer is that it gives something to both the author and the reader.....! Not to create perfect prose but to kick back, undo your top button, let your belt out a notch and have some "Me Time".
So only being human (and humble) I will invite the next five persons to vote YES! We want the New THINNY EU approved Politically Correct, boring as Poker Magazine, edition....or NO! We want the keep your shit as it is Tom edition....

YOU DECIDE.....

I'm off to DTD last gasp desperate flailings to get into Grand Prix

Will post if anything interesting happens

(in Crayons if required)

[china mug]

 o well not good enouth to get into dtd grand prix 493 in the satalite made it to 156 place 10% go thru to sunday....mr 80 000 makes it 4500 i look down at tens but i dont like this action....i decide to call and see a flop without any ace or king....big blind calls also flop 3 4 7  rainbow....i check...big bets 4500,i like....mr original raiser makes it 12000,i dont like....my super spider man powers are tingleing like a dose of herrpies ....i want to pass.....but ive played this hand to get exackley this outcome....i have to trust that mr is reading big as week and my hand is superior to his....i go all in big passes mr snaps me of with kings.....nice hand and schleck out of dtd....
down motorway in time for chinese take away
onley consolation is i didnt get lost this time

[china mug]

good....if you take a o out of that word you have ...god
heavey stuff i think you will agree,clearley proof positive of the meaning of life and  that there is a  higher being in the comos........

[china mug]

devil...if you take the d out of the word you are left with evil...again proof positive that there is a higher power at work in the cosmos and we should all take note and shape up ,and listen to these divinchi code like clues that have been left there for us to discover and use the information....