Tips for Tikay

[Tonji]

An ode to Hector (sung to the tune of Ernie, the fastest milkman in the west).

You could hear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground,
And the clatter of the wheels as they spun 'round and 'round.
And he galloped up to Blonde towers, his betting slip clasped to his chest,
His name was Hector, and he had the most profitable milk round in the west.

Now Hector supplied tips to a grumpy old git, an icecream known as Tikay,
Who lived all alone except when his Butler Jeeves came to stay.
They said he wouldn't bet with him, as he was haughty, proud and chic,
But Hector got him punting on the Rugby League three times a week.

They called him Hector, (Hectooooooooooooorrrrrrrrr)
And he had the most profitable milk round in the west.

Now Hector had a rival, an evil fucking man,
Called Lord Chompy from Chompington and he drove the Kebab van.
He tempted Tikay with his specials and his filthy each way bets,
And when he saw the green on his next eviction screen it very near turned his head.

He nearly fell for his poker tells and he said, "If you treat me right,
You'll have placepots every morning and reverse forecasts every night."
He knew once Tikay sampled his in-running system he'd have his wicked way,
And all Hector had to offer was a steady profit every day.

Poor Hector, (Hectooooooooooooorrrrrrrrr)
And he had the most profitable milk round in the west.

One lunch time Chompy saw Hector's horse and cart outside Tikay's door,
It drove him mad to find it still there at half past fucking four.
And as he lept down from his Kebab van, hot Chilli sauce through his veins did course,
And he went across to Hector's cart and didn't half kick his 'orse.

Whose name was Tighty, (Tighhhttttyyyyyyyy)
And he moderated the most profitable milk round in the west.

Now Hector rushed out into the street, his laptop in his hand,
He said, "If you wanna coach Tikay you'll fight for him like a man."
"Oh why don't we play cards for him?" Chompy sneeringly replied,
"And just to make it interesting we'll have a nifty on the side."

Now Hector dragged him from his van and beneath the sky so overcast,
They stood there face to face, and Chompy went for his rolled up racing post.
But Hector was too quick, things didn't go the way Chompy planned,
And a ipad and its charger sent it spinning from his hand.

Now Tikay ran between them and tried to keep them apart,
And Hector, he pushed him aside and a poker chip caught him underneath his heart.
And he looked up in pained surprise and the concrete hardened crust,
Of a "backing the draw for profit" hardback caught him in the ball sack and Hector bit the dust.

Poor Hector, (Hectooooooooooooorrrrrrrrr)
And he had the most profitable milk round in the west.

Hector was only 52, he didn't wanna die,
And now he's gone to make money in that Bookies in the sky.
Where the customers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned,
And the milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy land.

But Tikays's needs are many fold and soon he was placing Chompys picks,
But strange things happened on Superbowl night as he layed the rushing yards of Viks.
Was that the trees a-rustling? Or the crying of a fox?
Or Hector's ghostly Tennis bets a-rattling in his Inbox?

They won't forget Hector, (Hectooooooooooooorrrrrrrrr)
And he had the most profitable milk round in the west.

Oof!

Absolutely superb!

WP, WP.

Heroic

hahahaha 

[superwomble]

Great stuff Rubbish! 

[tikay]

Celtic lead 1-0 at half time, Mr Ambrose the lone scorer chap. So far.

We could use at least  one of the Fab Four scoring second half.

[AndrewT]

Exploded with laughter at the Tighty line - epic roffling skillz.

[tikay]

Exploded with laughter at the Tighty line - epic roffling skillz.

Whose name was Tighty (Tightyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy).......,,

[maccol]

Great stuff Rubbish! 

[horseplayer]

Great stuff Rubbish! 

[tikay]

Celtic 2-0, still 13 minutes play remain.

Samaras got us off the mark in the 70th minute.

[tikay]

The football finished 2-0, with Samaras our only scorer. We had a right result there by being restricted to £5 EW on each of our 4 selections, happy days!

[Marky147]

The football finished 2-0, with Samaras our only scorer. We had a right result there by being restricted to £5 EW on each of our 4 selections, happy days!

Lucky for Fred that king ice cream here was at the hospital for a few hours too, and saved you from being able to get lumps on!

[tikay]

The football finished 2-0, with Samaras our only scorer. We had a right result there by being restricted to £5 EW on each of our 4 selections, happy days!

Lucky for Fred that king ice cream here was at the hospital for a few hours too, and saved you from being able to get lumps on!

Ooh, we got double lucky then.

[Teacake]

The football finished 2-0, with Samaras our only scorer. We had a right result there by being restricted to £5 EW on each of our 4 selections, happy days!

Thank goodness for restrictions! Hopefully not too many followed me in.

28 attempts on goal but finishing was really poor, typically the first attempt from one of the players we weren't on is converted. Bollocks well and truly done but hey ho tomorrow is another day.

[tikay]

The football finished 2-0, with Samaras our only scorer. We had a right result there by being restricted to £5 EW on each of our 4 selections, happy days!

Thank goodness for restrictions! Hopefully not too many followed me in.

28 attempts on goal but finishing was really poor, typically the first attempt from one of the players we weren't on is converted. Bollocks well and truly done but hey ho tomorrow is another day.

No worries bud, we got away with it pretty cheap. Sorry you done a few bob though.

[JaffaCake]

I've decided that as dedicated Freddies that we should be going wherever Prince Charles is tomoro, opening a factory or whatever he does, and hassling him til he tells us the baby's name. Then straight on Betfair, get the lot on, Bob's your uncle. I'm a bit busy tomoro, can someone else do the Charlie hassling shift and pass on the info?

[tikay]

I've decided that as dedicated Freddies that we should be going wherever Prince Charles is tomoro, opening a factory or whatever he does, and hassling him til he tells us the baby's name. Then straight on Betfair, get the lot on, Bob's your uncle. I'm a bit busy tomoro, can someone else do the Charlie hassling shift and pass on the info?

That comes under "Tosh, Novelty Betting, & Tittle Tattle" Jeff. Chompy is our man for that.