Poker Media Mid Life Crisis

[tikay]

I know this sounds really miserable and grumpy, but it's not meant to be. One profound realisation I've had the last few weeks is that the more you do for people, the more they feel entitled to, rather than the other way around of being grateful. I won't go into specifics because I'm not angry about it or want to embarass anyone or anything, but recently I know of three ongoing relationships I have (One in my personal life, one at work and one with a poker friend in the industry) where I have done someone a few favours for whatever reason, or done way more than was asked of me, and now those people are either demanding that I do more for them, or at least get pissed off when I dont do the same thing for them over and over.

The poker industry friend example was someone I gave some advice to a few times, it really helped them out and improved their job for them and they were really appreciative. But now I am getting them asking me to do new things for them every single day. I've had to tell them no, and they seemed really pissed, but they are still asking me again and again.

The work thing, last year completely unprompted I had an idea and implemented it which improved performance in an area by about 40%. This is something that, as far as I can tell, had never been addressed or measured by the person in question, and it wasn't even related to the job I do for them. There was a slight dip in the performance of said thing last week, it was only about 20% improved on how it was performing prior to me changing things. What followed was some polite but constructive feedback about how I need to stay focussed and make sure it doesn't dip again. To date, this person hasn't even acknowledged the improvements I made that they never bothered to try and fix themselves, the only feedback I've had was when something didn't go as perfectly as it had been doing.

Anyhoo, forgive my crypticness, its actually just something I find interesting. I've read plenty of psychology books/articles that seem to support this notion. It's probably the same mentality that makes people who do f'all or mistreat people look like saints the one time they do something right.

Reminds me of this http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steve-dalton/harness-the-ben-franklin-effect_b_4605447.html

To save the post, this was on TV last night

Morning Barry.

Not the sort of "mindset" we tend to expect from you. (Note the irony in that....). Hope you are feeling a bit better today.


The "work" one resonates with me. Obv, can't go into detail, but boy, do I know the feeling. Modern Management techniques seem to omit touchy-feely, or good social skills, it seems to me. Generally, everywhere we look, social skills & human interaction seem to be worsening. Maybe it's an age thing, but I can't help but feel that. I think the internet has totally changed how we all interact.

I ran successful businesses most of my career. Things were different then, of course, but I did MBYA - Management By Walking About.  Walk round the office, or building site, go talk to everyone, every day, just a minute or two.

How's that project coming along John, that's a very interesting one?

Wow, that looks good Brian, keep it up.

Sincere? Yes, of course. But that little extra word, even a bit of tactile touchy-wouchy, a pat on the shoulder or whatever, does wonders for people's feelings.

My Chairman used to find 10 minutes every week to invite me across to his Office for a coffee. We'd chat about football, the weather, golf, family, & right at the end, he'd throw a little work one-liner in - how is that Contract with Tesco coming on? - be great if we got more work off the back of that.

And I'd walk out of his office 10 feet tall, all revved up to make that Tesco Contract a winner. It just took 10 minutes of his time, once a week, but he made me feel special. I expect he did it to all his Directors, I dunno, but it worked.

Now it's a struggle to even get a reply to an e-Mail, & we feel useless, & that our contribution means nothing.

I think it is just that Management techniques have changed.

Hope you feel better soon mate.

[tikay]

Whilst I think of it, I wanted to thank you for something. It's been on my mind for an age, but I was a tad scared to Post anything, lest it be misinterpreted, or taken as self-puff.

During UKPC, you re-tweeted that article from way back about people going the extra yard to make "outsiders" welcome in poker.

 http://www.pokerstrategy.com/news/world-of-poker/How-can-we-make-poker-more-fun-for-recreational-players-_81433/

Now, I use Twitter as part of my work, a business tool. I don't much enjoy Social Media, to be honest, scarred by so many anon lurkers & haters, but I have to use Twitter really, & You Tube. (I don't use Facebook at all now). 

Most of my Twitter stuff is pure business puff. I have 3,000+ "Followers", & if I can convert 2.5% to play a Tourney, or be aware of a business objective (UKPC etc) then that's ok.

As you can imagine, I did a LOT of UKPC puff, mainly on You Tube, but also Twitter. The UKPC stuff got a good bit of reaction, too.

My little Omaha bink @ UKPC got more Twitter bounce than I'd expected, too. And so did the Bluff Europe Gong. (Which got barely a mention on blonde, blondes are anti-Gongs, but huge reaction elsewhere, especially via Twitter).

But none of them got the Twitter reaction that your article got, not by a mile, my Twitter "retweet"  & "favourited, whatever that is, caught fire.

It even got re-tweeted again this week by Lord Grumpy, then re-re-Tweeted by a lot of folks.

Ain't that a thing? People DO seem to think it matters.

And yet when I try to do do serious poker discussion on blonde, what can we change, what is good, what is bad, how can we improve, it all gets personal & shouty-wouty. People go on the defensive when I suggest Poker is in decline, ergo we don't need to change a damn thing. But it is. Fact. Not irreversibly, if we do something, & don't just sit there pretending everything in the jolly old garden is rosy. We CAN make it better, inprove this & that.

The art of good debate seems a real struggle on poker forums, the "you are a moron" mob always shout loudest, & the regular guys then get scared to post their feelings. It used to be possible to discuss stuff like grown-ups, now it gets shouty-wouty & it stifles good constructive debate.

Anyway, it's been on my mind to say that for a while, but I was a bit worried it would come out wrong.

[DaveShoelace]

I know this sounds really miserable and grumpy, but it's not meant to be. One profound realisation I've had the last few weeks is that the more you do for people, the more they feel entitled to, rather than the other way around of being grateful. I won't go into specifics because I'm not angry about it or want to embarass anyone or anything, but recently I know of three ongoing relationships I have (One in my personal life, one at work and one with a poker friend in the industry) where I have done someone a few favours for whatever reason, or done way more than was asked of me, and now those people are either demanding that I do more for them, or at least get pissed off when I dont do the same thing for them over and over.

The poker industry friend example was someone I gave some advice to a few times, it really helped them out and improved their job for them and they were really appreciative. But now I am getting them asking me to do new things for them every single day. I've had to tell them no, and they seemed really pissed, but they are still asking me again and again.

The work thing, last year completely unprompted I had an idea and implemented it which improved performance in an area by about 40%. This is something that, as far as I can tell, had never been addressed or measured by the person in question, and it wasn't even related to the job I do for them. There was a slight dip in the performance of said thing last week, it was only about 20% improved on how it was performing prior to me changing things. What followed was some polite but constructive feedback about how I need to stay focussed and make sure it doesn't dip again. To date, this person hasn't even acknowledged the improvements I made that they never bothered to try and fix themselves, the only feedback I've had was when something didn't go as perfectly as it had been doing.

Anyhoo, forgive my crypticness, its actually just something I find interesting. I've read plenty of psychology books/articles that seem to support this notion. It's probably the same mentality that makes people who do f'all or mistreat people look like saints the one time they do something right.

Reminds me of this http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steve-dalton/harness-the-ben-franklin-effect_b_4605447.html

To save the post, this was on TV last night

Morning Barry.

Not the sort of "mindset" we tend to expect from you. (Note the irony in that....). Hope you are feeling a bit better today.


The "work" one resonates with me. Obv, can't go into detail, but boy, do I know the feeling. Modern Management techniques seem to omit touchy-feely, or good social skills, it seems to me. Generally, everywhere we look, social skills & human interaction seem to be worsening. Maybe it's an age thing, but I can't help but feel that. I think the internet has totally changed how we all interact.

I ran successful businesses most of my career. Things were different then, of course, but I did MBYA - Management By Walking About.  Walk round the office, or building site, go talk to everyone, every day, just a minute or two.

How's that project coming along John, that's a very interesting one?

Wow, that looks good Brian, keep it up.

Sincere? Yes, of course. But that little extra word, even a bit of tactile touchy-wouchy, a pat on the shoulder or whatever, does wonders for people's feelings.

My Chairman used to find 10 minutes every week to invite me across to his Office for a coffee. We'd chat about football, the weather, golf, family, & right at the end, he'd throw a little work one-liner in - how is that Contract with Tesco coming on? - be great if we got more work off the back of that.

And I'd walk out of his office 10 feet tall, all revved up to make that Tesco Contract a winner. It just took 10 minutes of his time, once a week, but he made me feel special. I expect he did it to all his Directors, I dunno, but it worked.

Now it's a struggle to even get a reply to an e-Mail, & we feel useless, & that our contribution means nothing.

I think it is just that Management techniques have changed.

Hope you feel better soon mate.

Genuinely wasn't feeling bad at all, in fact I was a little bit tickled when I had the realisation. I've got a good mate who shares the same mindset (He is always moaning about how he doesn't like having time off work because it just means more work for him at home) and we have some of the most enjoyable, uplifting, funny moans together about this, although that seems an oxymoron.

Funny you mention the internet and social skills. I've always considered myself an outgoing extrovert, but after seven years of working from home, I've noticed recently I have become much more introverted. Working from home is starting to become quite difficult of late, so I am purposely making a point of preplanning reasons to leave the house more during the working day. Love the job I do, but it requires me to be chained to the desk more than previously freelancy gigs. I think thats just inveitable for all of us as we become more and more 'plugged in'.

There are some good things about all this. For all the people I seem to encounter who just want/expect things from me, I have built some great relationships online. Just recently I have become really good friends with Mark Stuart from PokerStars (You must know him?) and we have developed a really strong working relationship, which has been entirely based on us discussing the merits of Breaking Bad vs the Sopranos vs The Wire. I've also become chummy with that Alex Dreyfus fella from the Global Poker Index in a similar manner (He is French, whodathunit?).

Plus the internet did allow me my best poker friend of all, Mr Tendler. Who would have thought a bitter drinking lad from Sheffield would have had a Jewish New York sports psychologist as the best man at his wedding? Thats all thanks to the interwebs, and poker.

I'm glad I managed to evade the whole internet dating thing though.

[DaveShoelace]

Whilst I think of it, I wanted to thank you for something. It's been on my mind for an age, but I was a tad scared to Post anything, lest it be misinterpreted, or taken as self-puff.

During UKPC, you re-tweeted that article from way back about people going the extra yard to make "outsiders" welcome in poker.

 http://www.pokerstrategy.com/news/world-of-poker/How-can-we-make-poker-more-fun-for-recreational-players-_81433/

Now, I use Twitter as part of my work, a business tool. I don't much enjoy Social Media, to be honest, scarred by so many anon lurkers & haters, but I have to use Twitter really, & You Tube. (I don't use Facebook at all now). 

Most of my Twitter stuff is pure business puff. I have 3,000+ "Followers", & if I can convert 2.5% to play a Tourney, or be aware of a business objective (UKPC etc) then that's ok.

As you can imagine, I did a LOT of UKPC puff, mainly on You Tube, but also Twitter. The UKPC stuff got a good bit of reaction, too.

My little Omaha bink @ UKPC got more Twitter bounce than I'd expected, too. And so did the Bluff Europe Gong. (Which got barely a mention on blonde, blondes are anti-Gongs, but huge reaction elsewhere, especially via Twitter).

But none of them got the Twitter reaction that your article got, not by a mile, my Twitter "retweet"  & "favourited, whatever that is, caught fire.

It even got re-tweeted again this week by Lord Grumpy, then re-re-Tweeted by a lot of folks.

Ain't that a thing? People DO seem to think it matters.

And yet when I try to do do serious poker discussion on blonde, what can we change, what is good, what is bad, how can we improve, it all gets personal & shouty-wouty. People go on the defensive when I suggest Poker is in decline, ergo we don't need to change a damn thing. But it is. Fact. Not irreversibly, if we do something, & don't just sit there pretending everything in the jolly old garden is rosy. We CAN make it better, inprove this & that.

The art of good debate seems a real struggle on poker forums, the "you are a moron" mob always shout loudest, & the regular guys then get scared to post their feelings. It used to be possible to discuss stuff like grown-ups, now it gets shouty-wouty & it stifles good constructive debate.

Anyway, it's been on my mind to say that for a while, but I was a bit worried it would come out wrong.

Yes that was the most shared thing I've written in a long time.

I do a lot of nerdy analytical work in the background, and I'm learning a lot about what gets shared and what doesnt, and what gets read and what doesnt. That was an interesting case. With twitter, to get people to share, you have to make a tweet that would make somebody else feel clever and cultured for sharing. I think it got shared a lot precisely because of that story of yourself, and also the endorsement I gave you in the tweet. I could go on for hours about this.

As for debate online - funny you mention that too. As you know it fascinates me, and the subject of trolling fascinates me even more. I'm working on a book at the moment, but when thats finished, I aim to research and write a book on the subject of the psychology of internet trolls. I had a cracking discussion with Lord Channing on this topic a few weeks ago when someone was giving crap for having the audicty to sell his tips (The same ones, which I understand, brought in a 40-to-1 winner that very week). To paraphrase Channing on these people "Do they really run past Selfridges shouting you're too expensive I'm not coming in, that stuff should be free."

You've probably seen this before http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law

[tikay]

Blimey Barry, you've hit so many chords there, I could spend all day replying.

The psychology of internet trolls, that'll be a best-seller. I have some amazing experiences in that area.......

I'll maybe try & reply to some of that stuff tomorrow, bit busy today.

[DaveShoelace]

You should see how bad German Internet trolls are, wow.

I'll share some gems from my research when I get home this evening.

[Yorkshire Pudding]

I hear you on the "working from home is hard mkay" front. I've done this for five or six years now and it is really hard to keep yourself motivated when you're in your own house working.

I had a meeting in Leeds a few weeks ago and was genuinely excited about going into an office for the day and seeing actual people! That said, the drive into Leeds city centre during rush hour made me vow never to get an office job ever again!

[DaveShoelace]

I hear you on the "working from home is hard mkay" front. I've done this for five or six years now and it is really hard to keep yourself motivated when you're in your own house working.

I had a meeting in Leeds a few weeks ago and was genuinely excited about going into an office for the day and seeing actual people! That said, the drive into Leeds city centre during rush hour made me vow never to get an office job ever again!

That drive is awful. I played an event at the gala once I got so lost I ended up parking in a random place and getting a taxi to take me a quarter of a mile. Then I paid a taxi to take me back then let me follow him out of the city on the way home.

Had the same thing as you in the offices in Gibraltar but after a day I wished I was back working at home where nobody can see my monitor.

[redarmi]

I work from home largely and am totally with you on how it is nice to sometimes see real people but whilst I readily admit that I spend a lot fo the day doing stuff I would never do in an office I think generally companies get much better value from remote workers.  I first take a look at my work as soon as I get up at 730am and spend a couple of hours doing bits and pieces and I continue this largely until I got to bed at midnight-ish.  For sure I take an hour off here and there to play with my daughter or take a swim or do some errands but overall I am pretty convinced they get another2-3 hours a day out of me and I am significantly happier.  It is a win-win all around.

[DaveShoelace]

I work from home largely and am totally with you on how it is nice to sometimes see real people but whilst I readily admit that I spend a lot fo the day doing stuff I would never do in an office I think generally companies get much better value from remote workers.  I first take a look at my work as soon as I get up at 730am and spend a couple of hours doing bits and pieces and I continue this largely until I got to bed at midnight-ish.  For sure I take an hour off here and there to play with my daughter or take a swim or do some errands but overall I am pretty convinced they get another2-3 hours a day out of me and I am significantly happier.  It is a win-win all around.

I could not agree more.

The first thing anyone says to you is some variation of "how do you motivate yourself?" when you say you work from home.

The reality is that you need to motivate yourself to take breaks. I am at work from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to bed. I always check my emails just before bed and plan my next day and I have usually done something of significance before most people have arrived at the office.

Having a dog has been a life saver. I have company, a reason to leave the house and it often becomes a reason to talk to strangers.

I really envy my friends who get home from work and have that complete separation of work and life. That said, if and when I ever have to return to a standard 9-5 office environment I will really struggle.

[DaveShoelace]

Had to be done

[bobAlike]

Loving your avatar. Think I need to re-watch Sopranos again for the 4th time.

[pleno1]

What season you in Barry? Just finished season 4. No spoilers please.

[DaveShoelace]

What season you in Barry? Just finished season 4. No spoilers please.

Just finished the whole thing. I felt season 4 was quit weak but season 5 is the best of the lot, get it watched.

[DaveShoelace]

Click to see full-size image.

This blew my mind over the weekend