Luton Calling.

[Omm]

So it's been a month since the last update. And I will tell you why. In a very candid way, removed from the usual pints and 8 high jams and cheer.

I developed a gambling problem..

It didn't take long to materialise. One day it's a tenner on blackjack. Then it's £50. Then your bank balance goes from £17,000 to £36.

Its like smack. Or what you imagine smack feels like. A shot of pure poison into your brain. It grabs hold of your synapses and never let's go.

Thing is,  I've always looked down on addiction. My dad had an alcohol problem, and I always thought he could just stop. But addition isn't like that. You just need one more. Just to block out your troubles. One more and that's it. Just tonight and that's it. Just let me get even and that's it.

I woke up after doing £3000 on TV roulette, and I felt a dread in my stomach. £3000 is a lot of money for the average person, and I threw it down the drain. Just one more bet at the end of your remote. If I am being honest, I felt like hurting myself. But I couldn't.

I'm 25 years old and I shouldn't  be pissing about like this. Thought I am happy in a strange way. I have realised that I'll never reach the top of the mountain. And it's a tough realisation because for years all I wanted to do was to win and be respected. But my brain isn't wired like that. I can't grind pennies into dollars into bags. I get dollars and I want to spin them into bags. And that's OK. It means I'm a normal person. But normal people don't crush poker. You have to be worked up differently. Normal people want the quick fix. Poker players are happy with the grind.


It's time to stop. I feel my pursuit of the golden throne is in vain, because I don't have the make up for it. I grew up poor, which makes me want the quick cash. I can't help it.

I tried. I really did. I really wanted to win and be the best. But I couldn't do it.

And that's OK.

I'm just a normal person. And there's nothing wrong that.

GG.

PS : If I turn this around,  I am never going to be able to sell pieces ever.

Sorry to hear this mate, I'm not an expert in anything like this but I do know something and that's if you have a gambling addiction the right thing to do is to stop all activity related to it. It sounds like you already know this but I cannot stress it enough, going to the casino can be very sociable but is very often to tempting as conveniently we have to walk passed all the tables to get to the poker and even then we probably shouldn't be playing poker. Try and put some sort of block on your internet to all of gambling related sites (which would probably included blonde!), lose the remote control!!

A lot of this can be easier said than done but getting yourself on track with a career/education can help you keep a focus, rebuild your confidence/control/bank balance. One day you might be strong enough to revisit the poker arena but I wouldn't advise it anytime soon. You have admitted you have an issue and that's the first step of putting it right. Goodluck and if you need some support give me a shout and I'll lend you an ear.

[nirvana]

Oh man, there but for the grace of God and all.

I totally understand addiction, I think most of us do whatever the varying degrees of intensity for the predilection is.

Only catch you very sporadically on here and at the G but if you ever just fancy a beer and a vape, give me a shout

[shipitgood]

Just seen this ransom.

Just to wish you all the best with everything.

[4KSuited]

Just spent the last few days reading the entire blog. As a 'sort of' reg at both Lutons, I've been desperately trying to put a face to your name, but never mind. Like so many others, I have found your blog hugely entertaining, particularly because it's so well written.

I did not see your final post coming, if I'm being honest. The £3k tv-casino spew suggests a drunken tilt reflex, and not necessarily a full-blown degenerate gambling problem. However, it's right to take is seriously, and the only advice I can offer is to get in touch with Eso Kral on blonde. He's been through the degen thing "in spades", and would be a good source of advice and support, I'm sure.

If this has been your "rock bottom", then take it as a positive, since it's usually the place you need to visit before you can start making a recovery. In any event, Ransom, I wish you all the very best with your journey through life - try to keep poker in it if you can, you certainly have ability.

[tikay]

Good post Mr Suited.

[Ransom]

I appreciate the advice and kind words received over the past week or so. Sympathy was not my motive for the previous post, but it was a huge weight off my mind to write it.

After time to reflect on the nuclear warhead I have managed to detonate, I've realised that I became a victim of my own greed. It's not anyone elses fault, and I fell into a trap that I used to think was so easy to avoid. I'm not so annoyed about losing money anymore, it's more about the 18 months of progress I have essentially erased. Money is just a means to an end as far as me and poker go.

On the plus side - I don't have any debt, I have everything paid up bills wise and I still have a job that allows me to essentially sit on my arse and watch TV 8 hours a night. I'm probably more fortunate than most in that respect.

I've cashed out my various accounts and I am heading back to Cornwall for a bit, which will in all likelihood be terribly boring but there are no casinos for an hour and a half's drive and I get to see some friends I have pretty much neglected for the past couple of years. There are plenty of bookies, but I've never liked going in them so I honestly doubt I'll be banging my head off a FOBT anytime soon.

I think WSOP 2016 may have to be a miss, so sorry to everyone who was looking forward to another Vegas diary. I mean never say never, but I can pinpoint the day in Vegas that set me on this weird journey of self discovery/destruction, so it'd probably wise to leave it until 2017 unless I am supremely confident that I am able to focus on poker and poker only.

I am confident it will all be fine, as confidence is something I've never really lacked in regards to pursuits I've focused on. It's probably bordering on delusional hubris really, but apart from GG'ing about 80% of my liferoll I'm confident I can just start again at the $1/$2 8Game tables online in a couple of months.

Anyway year one of this diary has come to an interesting conclusion. I wonder how much fun and games year two will yield?

[tikay]

I appreciate the advice and kind words received over the past week or so. Sympathy was not my motive for the previous post, but it was a huge weight off my mind to write it.

After time to reflect on the nuclear warhead I have managed to detonate, I've realised that I became a victim of my own greed. It's not anyone elses fault, and I fell into a trap that I used to think was so easy to avoid. I'm not so annoyed about losing money anymore, it's more about the 18 months of progress I have essentially erased. Money is just a means to an end as far as me and poker go.

On the plus side - I don't have any debt, I have everything paid up bills wise and I still have a job that allows me to essentially sit on my arse and watch TV 8 hours a night. I'm probably more fortunate than most in that respect.

I've cashed out my various accounts and I am heading back to Cornwall for a bit, which will in all likelihood be terribly boring but there are no casinos for an hour and a half's drive and I get to see some friends I have pretty much neglected for the past couple of years. There are plenty of bookies, but I've never liked going in them so I honestly doubt I'll be banging my head off a FOBT anytime soon.

I think WSOP 2016 may have to be a miss, so sorry to everyone who was looking forward to another Vegas diary. I mean never say never, but I can pinpoint the day in Vegas that set me on this weird journey of self discovery/destruction, so it'd probably wise to leave it until 2017 unless I am supremely confident that I am able to focus on poker and poker only.

I am confident it will all be fine, as confidence is something I've never really lacked in regards to pursuits I've focused on. It's probably bordering on delusional hubris really, but apart from GG'ing about 80% of my liferoll I'm confident I can just start again at the $1/$2 8Game tables online in a couple of months.

Anyway year one of this diary has come to an interesting conclusion. I wonder how much fun and games year two will yield?

Love that.

Sometimes when we get in a hole, we blame anything & everything, all & sundry. It's best to start by looking in the mirror, that's where the problems began, or it is in my case.

You are a proper bloke.

Enjoy Cornwall, & life, & maybe see you again at some point.

Ladbrokes go 10/1 that you return within the year, & blonde is still alive when you do. 

[Ransom]

Played two online comps this week on my sister's Stars account. 2nd place in a 2-7 and 1st in a H.O.R.S.E. About 150 runners in each, so not huge fields but it's nice to do a win I suppose. I let her keep the money so I can essentially freeroll her Christmas present, when I know she is going to use it to freeroll mine. Funny how I've gone from Roffling about in casinos in my own little bubble to being put into small buyin comps online by my own sister.

Always feel extremely confident in the limit mixed game comps. They're great fun to play, as long as you can navigate the Russian minefield for the first 90 minutes. They don't half love their 5 way Stud Hi/Lo pots.

It's such a shame that the only limit mix cash game is the £150/£300 that runs sporadically at the Vic. If there was a £4/£8 or £5/£10 that ran semi-regularly, I would sit in it all day.

--

Leaving for Cornwall on the 9th of December. Really looking forward to going back and having a bit of time away to reboot my brain. Heading down on a flight from Gatwick to Newquay airport on a tiny Flybe thing with propellers instead of full engines. Going to be feeling like Auntie Mable in her little spotted plane.

I used to get the Megabus to Cornwall for Christmas. 8 and a half hours on a coach from London, arriving at 1am. Gave up on them when they decided they had to give up at Exeter leaving a bunch of us stranded in the snow at 11pm. I suppose that's what you get for £9 a ticket.  Turns out it's about £130 to get the train from Bedford to Cornwall, or £140 to get a train to Gatwick and fly instead. Two hours total travel time though is pretty fantastic. Will be having breakfast at home at 9am, and then lunch in Cornwall by 1pm. It'll be less of a beach-side fish and chips and more burger in Wetherspoons, but still.

--

Current plan is to start playing the online mixed games again in the new year. I've sent in my casino memberships so I am out of there for 6 months, that should put a stop to the general punting on pit games at 4am.

Will start with about $2000 at the $1/$2 fixed limit and $1/$2-25c/50c 8game. Will have a 30 Big Bet stoploss each day for the limit games, and will mix in some $2/$4-50c/$1 if there are any funplayers knocking about. I have tags and paragraphs of notes on pretty much all the mixed game players on Stars so I don't feel like it's going to be too much of a job to rebuild from this level. Will keep some of the daily $27 comps for various limit games in as well.

I'll do regular updates on here, because for year long diary, it's been pretty devoid of any online poker content. It's all rigged anyway right?

Like the Six Million Dollar man, we can rebuild. We have the technology.

[Ransom]

My Cornish excursion is over, and I am back to reality.

My best friend has a new girlfriend, and the first thing she says to me after being told I play poker is "My brother plays poker, he won $40,000 the other week". Turns out he did a one off bink on a Sunday. One tourney for a laugh, ran like god. Now everyone down there thinks it's easy game. EPT Newquay incoming.

---

Got myself on one of those Bombardier Dash planes to Newquay airport from Gatwick. £115 return, which is a steal compared to a 6 hour train which costs £150. Takeoff at 12:55, in Newquay for 1:40. Those planes don't half make some noise. I was seated directly to the side of one of the propellers, and every few minutes they'd let out an almighty crunch. All I could think about while watching them spin was that if one of those come loose, it's going to come straight at my head.

Newquay airport is awfully tiny. So much so that you have to play them a fiver when you depart as a fee so they can generate some revenue to keep the place running.

I was due to be picked up by said best friend and a couple of others. Nice of them to call me and let me know that they would be a bit late. I assumed it was because they were struggling to find this minuscule airport, but it was because they took a detour to a pub in a place called Roche. Which is almost on the other side of the county. You can't end up there by mistake. I should have known, because these chaps cannot be trusted to pick me up from the train station in the middle of the town without ringing me and telling me to walk to the other side of town.

---

Only one of my friends has managed to move out at the age of 25, and he has only got his own place because his Dad owns it. Which means everyone has taken it upon themselves to move in as well. One sleeps behind the sofa in a sleeping bag. He affectionately calls this "The Bit". He has a perfectly good house that he shares with his parents, but would much rather live in "The Bit". I was due to stay at said friend's house for the week, but I was relegated to "The Bit". Cornwall is weird. It's just how I left it.

We went out to our usual pub called The Spice on the first night. They used to do 2-4-1 drinks, but I put a stop to that when we won some money on an accumy and spent it all on drinks. Long story short I ended up in hospital with hypothermia. Oh to be 21 again.

Finished off in The Miners - asked to leave because "If (the owner) sees you lot in this state he will smash your heads in". The owner is a notorious "scrap metal dealer". Which I think is *nudge nudge" for 'murderous psychopath".

Woke up in the "The Bit" at 9am, feeling surprisingly perky and we all went for a breakfast in this awful little cafe. It used to be nice when I lived down there, but for whatever reason it is awful now. A real job for the health inspector. Managed to fade food poisoning like fading a wrap/flush draw and we went back to get some glad rags on because we were doing one of our Truro pub crawls.

---

We have had a system for the pub crawl around Cornwall's capital since we turned 18.

Meet in the Red Lion - A obscenely Cornish pub. The sign above the door reads "WELCOME TO THE RED LION DINLO MUSH".  - Dinlo meaning "daft" and Mush meaning "person".

Train to Truro.

The Swan - A pub that's changed owners each time we've went in. It's been a music pub, sports bar, posh restaurant, pool hall and wine bar in the space of a year.

Bunter's Bar - Big open plan pub with a pool hall and roulette machines for some reason.

The William - Overpriced pub, middle class types love it.

The Wig and Pen - Posho wine bar. Famous for serving us 12 bottles of wine between 15 of us, going to get us the glasses and coming back to find the bottles empty and the money on the bar.

Wetherspoons for some food. Spend more on quiz machines than we do the actual meal.

The Olde Ale House - All about the ale here. No clue about it myself, but the dreadlocked hippy manager will force half pints of warm, jet black artisan gunk on you for a fiver a go. The kind of stuff that's made by blind Siberian monks and strained through an old nun's tights.

Zafiros - doesn't know if it wants to be a bar or a club. Overpriced nonsense, local for people with loads of tribal tattoos. 

The Riverfront - Someone brought a greenhouse and stuck a bar in it. Full of surfy types called Ollie, Johnny and Charlie. Radical. 

Train back home, then to the world famous Zone club. Famous for winning Best Club South West England 1999 and for having a young kid kicked to death outside it in October.

---

Halfway through our excursion, my friend pipes up and says he will get a tattoo for a laugh. I said if I pay for it, I get to pick it. He'd spouted off too much that he couldn't back out. So I forked out £35 for this.

Click to see full-size image.

---

We saw all the sights, including two people having a Celtic/Rangers row in the street in Cornwall. Someone got called a "Fenian Bastard", and then ended up almost going through a window. I have no idea either.

Went to the club, met a young lady! She came back to "The Bit", was not impressed so no funny business. Can't imagine being invited into a fort made of sleeping bags gets many girl's engines revving, but I was working with what I had.

Turns out in the morning we couldn't stand each other. Turns out she was also off her face on Ecstasy. Could not get out of the car quick enough. Cue me being the butt of jokes for the next 24 hours. Will not be the first, and will not be the last I'm sure.

---

We all stumped up for the boxing and the UFC on the Saturday. Just a great night in with my oldest friends, which was really what I needed after this last couple of months. Something to bring me down to earth and make me appreciate what you can have without chasing a near impossible dream every waking hour of your life.

I'd love to move back, but the second I moved in there would be a queue of people behind me trying to make a "Bit" behind my sofa.

For the time I spent in Cornwall, I didn't think about poker once. I just felt nothing but appreciation and love for the people I have spent most of my life with. Sometimes that's all you need.

Christ I sound like I've been on the Benny Hills now.

"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. Love is the law, love under will."

---

Have a fantastic Christmas.

This time next year Rodders, We'll be millionaires.

 

[tikay]

Good to hear from you, cracking write up.

"Fenian bastard".

In the context of Old Firm football rivalry, it's an incendiary term.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fenian

[Chompy]

Great stuff Ransom. Best dairy on Blonde, bar none.

[4KSuited]

Great stuff Ransom. Best dairy on Blonde, bar none.

This ^^^

Great write-up Ransom. You do realise that you have a gift?

Meanwhile, I really hope that 2016 brings you joy in many forms.

ATB, 4K

[KingPush]

You write too well to just be writing biweekly updates on here. Write more and for more people

[Ransom]

About 3 weeks ago, I played a tourney in Casino MK. My mother was heading there to do some Christmas shopping, so I tagged along with her and my sister with the intention of getting my sister to actually play live poker for the first time in her life.

She's consistently taking $20 up to about $500 playing $1.50 SnGs and then cashing it off, and starting again from $20. I figured a £30 bounty would be a fine way to ease her into it, given that she watches enough of the Twitch streamers who play the PSKO comps on Stars and has a decent grasp on bounty tournaments because of it.

She looked around the casino with this childlike wonder, like a toddler who's just seen some overweight pensioner dressed as Santa in a shopping centre. I warned her that now she's in, there's no going back. She didn't seem to care. We did a lap and I showed her all the games, and she said "Is there usually this many Chinese people here?". "Pretty much" was my response. They gave her a free £5 bet for signing up for a membership. True to form she managed to ride this into about £50 doing £5 a time on Red/Black on the roulette. In a casino for the first time and on a pure freeroll within 15 minutes. She had to really try to lose the free £5 bet chip. Nice life.

They had a Christmas promotion on where if your name was called, you got to spin this wheel of fortune to win some money. Prizes were from £25 to £1000. They called out about six people who weren't even there, then they called me up. Butchered my name mind, took me 30 seconds to be sure it was me and than I didn't shoot up there like a greyhound to find someone else on it with a similar name. I had to do a full 360 degree spin of the wheel for it to count, and it was a pretty big wheel. So I span it as hard as I could, and it took a full two minutes for it to stop. Tapped into my inner Geoff Capes and almost ripped it off it's plinth. A sort of awkward silence developed, as this geezer on the mic ran out of things to say. When he was calling out the names he was full of jokes, get him on the spot and he's suddenly forgotten how to speak. Brag - won £100. Beat - two spots earlier was the £1000. Not bad considering about 80% of the spots were for £25. Variance - dusted it off within about 5 minutes.

Casino MK has this section on the casino floor under a banner that says "LOW STAKES CASH GAMES". There were 5 people seated for a 25p/50p game with a £25 max buyin, so me and my sister decided to join to get a game going. It felt like I was being put into one of those special groups in school, the ones for the slower kids. Which is a bit of a dumb thing to say because I usually play £1/£1 or £1/£2 anyway which is hardly advanced wizard GTO whatever, but with a 10% £5 max rake it was probably unbeatable. They don't half take that game seriously though, mostly by a couple of arsey nit regs. My usual assault on these types is to just straddle beyond their comfort zone whenever I get the chance. I was able to get a £2 straddle on quite a lot, but my other motive was so my hyper turbo whizkid sister could play in situations she was more comfortable in being 10-15bb effective so she could hopefully win some pots and not think live poker was 80% boredom.

"Put your chips in, close your eyes and pray to John Nash."

We both made out with about £40 from poker primary school and went to play this tournament. There's not much atmosphere in Casino MK's poker room. Genting Luton is really tightly packed together so it has a bit of a boiler room feel which I like, but all the sound seemed to seep out and take the vibe with it in MK. Kind of soulless really.

We both got seated at the same table, which was a bonus. We also had this guy who was clearly three sheets to the wind, half deaf and playing his first ever live comp as well. I make some fairly normal call with 44 when he check/check/massive overbet relative to the pot on a brick river and he goes off on me. Just moaning for a bit and they call the floor on him to settle him down. Nice as pie to me after that.

The same guy tries to call a 3x raise but is so pissed he fumbles his chips and ends up making it about 6000 off a 600 raise. I have to pass, but my sister just comes straight in with the cold 4bet shove. Obviously picked up on this epic misclick, fold fold and she shows the 9 high. Level of pride I felt was off the chain, I imagine it's akin to your child's first day at school or something. Naturally the guy moans at me again.

I bust sometime after the break with 88 to AJ chasing bounties. Sister final tables and gets 5th. Now all I hear is "When can we go again?". She wants to go play the DC in Luton, she's looking at sats to live events on Pokerstars and she's sorting out her passport because she wants to come to WSOP.

I did tell her that once she's in, there's no going back.

---

Great stuff Ransom. Best dairy on Blonde, bar none.

This ^^^

Great write-up Ransom. You do realise that you have a gift?

Meanwhile, I really hope that 2016 brings you joy in many forms.

ATB, 4K

Thanks mate, all the best to you too!

Truth be told I really enjoy writing this, and I look forward to playing live even more when I think there's a chance I might get a blog entry out of it. I'll keep this going as long as people still want to read it. Maybe I can parlay this diary into something bigger, who knows!

You write too well to just be writing biweekly updates on here. Write more and for more people

I plan on updating a lot more in the new year, though I will be cutting back the live stuff because of the casino self-exclusion due to the massive degenerate gambling orgy I went on.

I would love to write for more people, might send in a sample to some poker websites/magazines and see what they think of it. Worst comes to worst I might get some pointers at least. How are you getting on? Still playing?

[booder]

Excellent report as always,though i think it could be improved with pictures.Perhaps one of your sister to start with.