Vagueness and the Aftermath - A sporadic diary

[barhell]

  Welcome back Red

[RED-DOG]

So my brother John and I went to Kidderminster to make sure that the mobile was ready for loading. We undid the plumbing and electrics, checked the tyre pressures, wound up the jacks, and then waited for “Mad” Ian to arrive with his transporter.

I would like to tell you about what an interesting and entertaining day we had, but the truth is, I felt so poorly that it was just one long session of misery interspersed with a lot of anxiety and moments of sheer terror.

Mad Ian’s first contribution to the proceedings was to reverse his lorry over the remote control unit for his winch. After using it to pay out about 30 meters of winch cable, he put it on top of the lorry wheel “for safe keeping”.

This meant that the only way to work the winch was for Ian to crawl beneath the lorry and operate the solenoid with a screwdriver. “We’ll be OK,” He said with a confident smile. “I’ll work the winch, just shout if you want me to stop”

With that, we put the long ramps into position, attached the winch cable to the tow bar of the mobile, and Ian went beneath the truck, screwdriver in hand.

“OK” I called to Ian when he was in position, then he shorted the solenoid terminals across and the winch motor sprang into action with a high-pitched squeal.

Everything went well until the wheel of the mobile started to climb the ramp. I noticed that it wasn’t quite lined up properly and was liable to slip off the side.

“Hang on a minute” I shouted to Ian, but nothing happened, the winch continued to draw the mobile forward.

“Stop” I shouted, “The ramp is crooked” but Ian’s head was right next to the squealing winch motor, he couldn’t hear a thing.

This was no time for standing on ceremony, if I didn’t act quickly; we were in danger of tipping the mobile right over. I looked down at Ian. The only part of him that I could see was his bottom. It was sticking out below the chassis of the lorry and swaying gently from side to side.

Before I knew what I was doing, I had kicked the bottom really hard. Ian had let out a yelp and tried to stand up rather quickly. As he did so, his head came into contact with the prop shaft. I remember thinking how closely the sound it made resembled the chime of Big Ben (Strange how the human mind works)

The good news was that he dropped the screwdriver and the winch ground to a halt. Crisis averted.

I managed (with some difficulty) to convince a very sore and suspicious Ian that I hadn’t in fact kicked him up the arse, but had accidentally tripped over his bottom whilst running around the lorry.

After that, we managed to load up without further mishap, and after a nightmare journey, (I will never follow a truck that is carrying my home ever again) we finally made it back to my field.

[sovietsong]

Red, you would certainly be one of the 5 people invited to my fantasy dinner party

[celtic]

Red at a dinner party? You mad? Have you seen how much he eats? And thats when he is on a diet!! God help you if he isnt on a diet.

[RED-DOG]

I was in Burton on Trent today, and I noticed this tree. Obvously someone has gone to a great deal of trouble to preserve it way beyond it's sell-by date.

Does anyone know why?

[RED-DOG]

Mad Ian unloads my mobile on to the road. Dave the JCB man is coming to help me move it into position, but he's running late, so I use my pickup to tow it through the gate so that the traffic can get past. (Not that there is much traffic, but no point in giving people an excuse to moan)


Towing a monster like this is really asking too much of a little pickup like mine, but I figure that if I select low box 4wd and take it very easy, we should be ok.

[RED-DOG]

It was a barsteward of a job manovering it through the gate.

Brothers John and Joe did a great job of shouting contradictory instructions, so just to make sure, every couple of feet I would jump out and run around for a quick look.

During one of these run-arounds I caught the back of my hand on the barbed wire, ripping it nicely open.

"Could have been worse" Observed John. "Could have been Me"

"Never mind" He mused philosophically, "Now that it's off the road, we can have a cup of tea while we wait for Dave the JCB man"

[RED-DOG]

Dave the JCB man eventually arrives and inch by inch we move the mobile across the field, preventing it from sinking into the soft soil by putting stout planks under the wheels.

The weight of the mobile pressed the planks down deep into the ground, and while prising a particularly well buried one up, I manged to pull a muscle in my back.

"Could have been worse..." Said John, but he was too busy trying to avoid the lump hammer that I threw at him to Finnish the sentence.

At one spot, there is a tree on one side of my lane, and a hedge on the other, forming a sort of bottleneck. We always knew that this bit would be touch and go.

Joe tells Dave the JCB man to stop pulling while we have a think. (and a cup of tea) 

[RED-DOG]

We decide to try to bend the tree out of the way by putting a strap around the top and using the pickup to pull it.

It worked, but it's amazing just how much pressure I had to put on that tree to bend it a couple of feet.

[RED-DOG]

After that, it was more or less plain sailing.

[Karabiner]

I was in Burton on Trent today, and I noticed this tree. Obvously someone has gone to a great deal of trouble to preserve it way beyond it's sell-by date.

Does anyone know why?

I think it's a yew tree Tom, and they have always been considered to have mystical, magic properties.

Many churches were built on sites that were pre-Christian pagan holy places in which the yew tree was a central figurehead, which is why there are so many yew trees in church grounds.

So my guess is that it's outside a witch's house.

[RED-DOG]

It was done. 14 hours of hard graft and anxiety, but it was here, it was in position, and it was still in one piece.

I should have been delighted, and I was. Well, I was as delighted as an exhausted man who has a pounding headache, a sore throat, streaming eyes, a blocked nose, a hacking cough, an ingrowing toenail, a gashed hand, a pulled muscle and bad case of diarrhoea can be.

The the human spirit is a strange beast, sometimes it is as resilient as a stone fortress. Easily shrugging off anything the world can throw at it. Sometimes it is weak and vulnerable. One little bit of pressure at the wrong time, or in the wrong place, and it collapses like a house of cards.

I was being tested, not a big test you understand, more an accumulation of little things. But, I'm afraid to say, I didn't pass with flying colours.

[gatso]

I don't get it. where are the wheels? how big are they, do they come up inside one of the rooms? I thought it was just a big box

[RED-DOG]

I was in Burton on Trent today, and I noticed this tree. Obvously someone has gone to a great deal of trouble to preserve it way beyond it's sell-by date.

Does anyone know why?

I think it's a yew tree Tom, and they have always been considered to have mystical, magic properties.

Many churches were built on sites that were pre-Christian pagan holy places in which the yew tree was a central figurehead, which is why there are so many yew trees in church grounds.

So my guess is that it's outside a witch's house.

That's a great theory Ralph. I'd love to know if its true.

[Karabiner]

Well they do say that moving house is very stressful