china mug on china mug by china mug for china mug courtsy of china mug...a diary

[china mug]

got blown out of the comp at luton by a young  twat who no dout has a glitteringley sucessful carreer ahead of him ,just not in poker el brain dead from the neck up and stupid from the neck down calls my all in of 50,000 on a flop of 79j with two spades on the flop with his hand being q 10 with one spade so basicley a strait draw....i have aj....
and another player is to act after him,who has allso bet out for 4500 on the flop.....
the dealer,probley one of the ones that dousnt laugh at my jokes but secretley repeats them down the pub and passes them of as his own ...duley turns spade spade to give el ...o im sorry i left my brain at home ...a flush,,,,,,,,,normal service in poker so its a bit like climbing evereast inch by inch and then whielst clinging to a wind swept vertical face of bleak rock you can glimpse the summitt as you switch from one tried and tested tenquiqe to another and then you hear the sound of a morrisons shopping trolley ladden with crap special offers  with one wheel that is hell bent on going its own way ....and the twat pushing it has a get out of the way im comeing thru mentallety................douse he not realise that he has just denied me some valable league points to gain a jump ahead on andy lou....douse he not know that hes just wipped out my dtd xes money......did it not occur to him i might have the nut flush draw,or the other player.....silly me why do i ask ,you would need some semblance of a brain to do that,
of to dtd for 8 pm two shots at getting into tha saturday 50,000 gt.....i am reminded about a story ...a guy in russia had a cosy life travelling around passing himself of as a  high ranking army officer and had been doing it for nearley twenty years....he would attend conventions stay at top hotels order new uniforms eat drink and be merry whielst the chits he signed would take weeks to get back to the army pay office for them to disscover they were forged and his latest sydenem didnt exist......so one day he gets busted and arreasted at a rail way ,his luck ran out when he had given himself a promotion to some even higher ranking level with more gold braid and stars.......a tailor in his carriage noticed that his uniform was perfect the medals were all in order and the braid and stars were all excellant and of the latest design....,,,,which raised a thought in his mind as he wasnt able to get some of the braid and stars for his customers and they had to wait months for there new uniforms where did this officer get his.....so he dropped a shekel to the on train kgb man ....
when busted and all was known so it was hotel siberia for you el general commissar 5 star and bar not forgetting the furry hat ...,the interagateing officer asked el busted ...why after being successful for nearley 20 years did he change his ways and get caught out with his latest uniform when his old plans worked so well....his answer was that at his stage in life he felt he should have the promotion as he didnt want to lag behind and appear to not be successful in front of his pears ....
so dtd hear i come again and one of these days it will be my turn ...so why not this time......fairley sure i wont get lost ,cant speak for the brain dead thou,

[celtic]

Why did you bet 50000 I to what must have been around 10-15000?

[china mug]

el brain dead and guy after him had bet out 4500 each i was takeing it there,on flop with top top.......before it flushed if one of them had two spades........

[china mug]

so on to dtd .....mmmmm.....what can i say another no win no fee event////my plan was to get to nottingham earley so leaving home at 3pm allowing for 3 hour travel id arrive at b and b for 6pm and watch tv lie on bed shower if i wanted ,scratch balls optional,then descend on dtd as a fresh up fot it danish plummer from a colour climax film and set about haveing any thing that moved......bloody delays and rain on m1 ...stop start .....engine warning light ....coasting down hill where possible in the stop start sections i got to dtd for 6.30pm so thought id go to club and register first ...club and car park locked and empty ,food places oppasite devoid of any luton regs ,just noisy families and sundry.....on to b and b traffic rush hour stop start all the way ....into b b 15 mins then back to dtd  thru traffick......into club registered 15 mins to comp start....
spottted a glass of red wine with a gaunt husk of a ghost from years gone bye a pale shaddow of the once true potential left to rust in the waste can of life called gleevana the onley luton reg in everdance .comp table all ok ,friendley crowd....on my right is a guy called jason who is giveing a collegue on the job training as to how he should play tells the table that im china mug of blonde,the recipitant dose seem to need it,some bird with a full tilt bage and looks a little like a mini cher meets and greets the regs on my table her girl friend joins on my left,tina as i learn has a habbit of betting then putting the neck part of her baggy jumper around her mouth and part of her face as if to hide behind it ...the effect is a cross of frank spencer doing the phantom of the opera and a poster for les missraels.....seems to work for her though.......theres quite a bit of banter on the table and a lot of nicking by reping ....im dissjointed ,not at ease ,as im in seat 6 its like a game of tennis looking to the right taking it all in then to the left then back again ....i get giffted truley giffted a double up to 55000 chips,a new guy in seat 2 egyptian looking  with a friend he is talking to ,i raise with ace jack off ,he calls ,flop jack 9 3 ,i checl he bets 1800,i raise 4500,he makes it 9100,i think o well if hes got a monster i can still reload ,i go all in he snap calls and turns over king nine ,my hand wins ,,,he excits and the whole table is left wondering why ......i figured he was showing of to his pal
so ive got 55000 comeing back with 100,000 would be totaley acceptable,i start dishing chips out ,guy on my right makes it 2100 i call with 56 hearts flop 10 jack 2 with two hearts,he bets 3500 i call to make flust turn 3 hearts ,he checks i bet 4500 he calls so now i dont want to see another heart ,river pairs the ten no heart he beta 4500,i cant pass did he have top two pair and just made a full house ,or has he a bigger flush......no none of the above he has a full house of threes....
im trying to keep my chips but they are shrinking .....and gone im out
out of dtd into bb into tv and treats and bear cans.......breakfast didnt have a pound change to leave the friendley waitress like i usualey do ,she has been doing a fair impersanation of basil fawty asking the guests will that be tea or coffee ,will that be white or brown toast ,then bringing them the wrong way around......still beating myself up on the pokeri can onley put it down to fatigue and stress....
checked out the junk shop asked guy how much old white 1950s phone was,thinking if its 20 quid id have it 225 pounds he states and becomes alive as if a bloodhound thinking hes jush caught the faintest trace of a fox.....see you next time mate i wave goodbye...down m1 stop at watford gap still got the rankiest smelly loos into coffee bar look at whats on offer and decide that no matter how you dice it or splice it a coffee and cake is pushing 6 pounds and a coffee and toasted is pushing 8 pounds....decide sod them these prices and they cant even have clean loos ,so i make do with the food in my car...you loss m1 service station ,and if more people comented on you maybe you might clean up your act and take some of your excessive profits and re furb the loo area so its smell of old piss dosnt hit your nostrils 5 metres before you are even in the area........
down m1 into luton g into two comps got abused and the mickey tacken  by one of the dealers  who i shall call olay so as not to give away his reel identity,abley assisted by billy a ex dealer who was playing.......might have had some thing to do with me asking him had his mother  never heard of the word abort...mrs phan was on my left and when i came out of a mini doze and whent to put my ante she returned half my chips she had swiped much to the merriment of the table....mrs phan is one of those players that you could be in any club anywhere ten years from now and if you heard her voice saying...what you naughty boy innit....you would know its her....
out of luton .......and on
there is a scene in jaws where richard dreyfus or the other actor who scratches his finger nails down the chalk board at the council meeting ,says the shark swims,eats,and makes little sharks,thats all it dose....well as a poker analagy im swimming ,as in up and down motorways ,eating as in winning...red cross parcels this way,makeing little sharks....more chance of getting a job as a danish plummer.

[china mug]

managed to share the comp at luton monday night ,made the last three for some much appreciated league points and some even more appreciated dosh ,the last three put the odd 20 pounds in the staff tip box,so i shall be expecting some extra bowing down and doffing of forlock from raj and her posse .......think i shall take a load of photo snaps and do another collarge picture of the now luton regs and sundrey......must move myself to learn how to upload all the old pictures onto here ,......

ifyouaretheonleyoneintheroomisitstillcalledlovemakeing

[china mug]

a bit different last night at luton got insulted by a sikh guy who took exception to my little comment to him ,he whent to the loo and as soon as he left the table the big blind was moved to another table so mr im in the bog now posts the big blind....he returns just as the hand ends and comments on the speed of the hand and him missing his big blind....all fair enouth...i joke ...if you had washed your hands you would have missed your small blind as well....80% of the table have a good laugh....
mr el bog trotter who has a knotted hankachief on his head which from his appearance and complection i take to be a sikh ,firstley snappes a curt comment to a asian guy three seats to his left and then makes the comment...ill piss on your head...while still glareing at asian guy ......now i dont know if hes refferring to me or asian guy ,im sitting right beside mr free watersports ....any way he leaves his flys done up and proceads to donk ,a little latter he engages me in some general frendley banter about some aspect of a hand we had all played ,which i take as him trying to normalise things and agree with his comments....when he is out i ask mr asian was it me or him who had won the free piss on head offer he assures me it was me as he would have smashed the guys head in if it had bean directed at him......
i find it a strange thing that when a small comment as by me ...you would have lost your small blind as well, if you had washed your hands....can inflame so much anger from a stranger who feels he is the but of some joke and hes not going to have the piss tacken out of himself but is going to angreley and aggressively defend his corner by offering to piss on a persons head.......
so following on from his logic
the waitress brings you a cup of tea and some one says thats a big cup ,and some one else says yes for a big mouth...........answer...i shit on your head
he changes chips for a player ,and some one says your piles dont look so big now.....answer,,,,i snot in your mouth
its a sad reflection on life that just because we all engauge in playing poker ,a event that levels and mixces commaraderey  and takes so many good human aspects to higher levels .......we are reminded that we are just human nothing special a speck in the unaverse a nanno secound of a miillenium,o and yes the player on your right who has already gone to the loo and presumeley emptied his bladder feels that he could squeeze a bit more out and he thinks the best and most worthey placement of his offering would your head........cant understand why there are so many wars in the world ,then some one like this opens his mouth and i remember......
as one of the best licked and most highley respected poker players in luton,nay eangland ,who is the lynch pin of etticat and proffessionalism and  has on many occasions added joy and merriment to the game with well placed antidots and spreading of good will,wheather thru humour with a well placed sid splitting joke or a recantation of lifes experiances,whielst still finding time to offfer to do charity eventsi can truley say regarding the comments such as described hear  e s a d

[china mug]

last night at luton ,george announced that betty has passed away,when a few people asked who she was ,i myself ....having realised who he was referring to ...found myself uttering the words,     not our betty    .
i didn't know her hardly at all just as a person who had played at luton for a long time ,she was someone who brought light to the proceedings and made me smile inside if not allways outside,perhaps just because you don't expect to see a person of her mature age mixing it with the poker wannabees

to betty rip

you popped ahead to the big game in the sky
to shuffle and deal with Gabriel and that other guy
be sure to take there chips ,and mention bye and bye
the rest of us will join you
at bettys big game
just to say hi

[celtic]

Sad news about Betty. RIP.

[OverTheBorder]

Very sad RIP Betty

[china mug]

got screwed in the game on thursday all thanks to a in competant dealer,it was the first day one of the luton g 15000 gt event the dealer who isnt realey intereasted in the job and wants to chat to players and join in the crac ,which is fine if you can do it and deal ,bit he cant so players are haveing to ask him info that he should be providing and other mistakes ....any way four of us limp and the big blind min raises to 300 we all call ,flop queen ten three rainbow ,im first to act with queen ten off i check mr min raise  bets 600 one caller i count out 600 and am thinking how much to raise also what has mr min raise got ....ace queen ...or a over pair....i look up and the dealer has burnt and turned a jack.....what are you doing i ask its up to me to act ....a fact that all the table knew apparet dfrom mr chat a lott dealer....ruling takes place ...i bet 2600 mr min raise calls ...turn three ....dam it if mr min has kings hes now winning ...i bet 2800 to find out....mr min goese all in for 14000 ish total ......i think ,and work out no he hasnt got a over pair .....so what has he got .....
i call and show my two pair he shows ace three ....im in shock he called my re raise or 2000 with bottom pair..........the onley explanation that makes any sence is that with the dealers incompatance in doing fourth street when i hadnt acted yet ,made him think i was on a total nick taking advantage of the cockup to make him fold and he wasnt going to be angle shot like that ....o no he was going to call with his bottom pair and anyway he might always get lucky and hit a three or ace ,.......
so well and truley stuffed by the dealers lack of knowledge of why he is sitting there and what he is suppossed to be doing ........maybe in the future the dealer and mr min raise might find them selves driveing down a country road and whielst visiting a exahibition of nuclear fall out shelters a gust of wind blows the door shut and sets it fot 10 years hence but by luck they have aset of luton g padooki cards to while away the time and then when they come out ten years latter they find that some terrorist group has destroyed all man kind by introducing a zombie walking dead virus into mc donalds and the mums go to ice land one pound box range of food,and they are the onley humans left on the earth ....so armed with a penknife they set out to perform a sex change operation on the chatty one and then set out to repopulate the world .....and ten thousand years latter there of spring haveing reached the peak of there development will sit around playing snap
edna let slip it was her birthday so george sent a cake with candle and we all sang ....happy birthday ,and i got to eat half the cake ...
chompski and looroll joined my table and there corner abounded with betting stratergy and internet betting come ings and goings.....chompski seems like a person who spends a lorge amount of time watching his computer screens bettins ,tracking,assessing,and doing all things it and eletronic ,with his onley human conntact to be e mailing the odd scrabble move ....after hes googled the best answer and then passes it of as his own of cource.......a bit like a whale in the deepest of oceans sending out its lonley song across the acean to be picked up hopefulley by another ,and then the whale devoid of human conntact and sun light for too long heads for the surface to bask in the sunlight roll abourt and blow thru his snorkel whielst parking his car alongside the fence by the staff smoking area,into the club socialise ,mutter sigh and head for the door not forgetting the obligatory flonce....then presumeley its back to the depths of computer screens until the next yearning ,a bit like gleevanaonley without the animation wit and good humour
next post my trip to the vic on saturday

[china mug]

played like a knob at the vic on saturday,165 pounds plus 10.80 train fare pissed up the wall.....i decided to go to the vic after a couple of luton regs said it was going to be worth it not least of all as they would be adding a 2000 gukpt ticket to first prize.....turned out to be a 1000 ticket ,but hey i got about as close to it as me winning the x factor so there may be life on mars but dont ask me.....
so as my poker part of the trip was so sismull i willl focus on the other aspects of the trip....
on train ,and were of,got to st pancres and first item on the tube i sat down and on my left theres a black guy who by his clothing and appearance is nigerian aged about 26 smartley dressed like hes vissiting a libiary or simalar ,hes falking to another black guy who is sitting opposite him on the tube...as he is talking he empaphises his comments by waveing the empty plastic bottlr of wazzoo milk shake drnk he is holding,a bit like a music conductor with his batton ,the guy getting the benifit of the giver of information i at first thought was a chum of the man but upon listening determined he had just bean button holed by this stranger,,,,the conversation from the plastic baton waveing metro mouth pice basicley had the word jesus every twenty words ....the paragraph i most rnjoyed was when he said ,,,look imagen the queen was driveing and she whent thru a red light ,she  even the queen nows she shouldnt do that but so long as she stops and says she is sorry then thats all right,and tries to not do it again,because we all slip up some times but jesus understands......the recipatent of this wisdom was i notticed giveing one word acknoledgements.....and so onto the next trainas i walked down the steps on the underground about to enter where the trains arrive i heard a guy upahead ask ...douse this train go to such and such station the man asked either did not reply as he walked by or replied he wasnt sure ...any way the asker starts going into super slag of mode ...you arse whole ,fuck of,youre all arse holes ....he turns the corner and ahead of hiom is a lady who has paused to look at the enameled station sign on the far side of the tracks that tells you where the train is going .....mr angrey ,and i suspect care in the comunity ...launches into one ...fuck of,get out of my way ,bitch ,fuck you ...then stumps up along the crowded platform ....im half expecting a fracas and some one to get pushed onto the rail lines but the train comes without that occuring....
into the vic played like a twat ....saw vic the player and debbie red hair from luton the onley luton regs there ....o lallie was there but he dousnt count as its his secound home ....into the mc donnalds for the lunch break and as im munching a carboard burger and remembering why i dont do this often i see a morrocan style scruffy man come in and straight away goes up to a couple of ladies of simalar national dress and after the relgiose greeting of ..salam what ever sets out to do some aggressive begging ,no joy with those two he tries the same on another two sitting further along still no joy ,the ladies fidget on there seats and ignore the man begging ....the man looks towards the counter behind me and seeing that his time is up wanders towards the door ,a not to load alarm sounds a bit like a alarm when you leave a shop haveing not paid for a item and the beggar beats a full retreat ,a member of staff appears and clears a few trays thus re astablishing this is our terratory not the beggers ,its not fair to say every one continues munching on there carboard burgers as no one realey stopped for the beggar ,i susspect if you whipped all the walls away to reveal to all that this wasnt a mc donnalds but in fact was the set of a new reality game show and so mrs group of women that had just bean begged at for the big money prize which of these 8 men now in there non begging atire was it that was begging of you .....and did he say this ........or was it this.........or lastley was it this ........
they would have no idea......so back into the vic and out of comp onto train as usual paused at the pionaos on st pancres station to hear the music brilliant idea to put a couple of pianos there ,i idle wonder how long before they make it into some tv film maybe the new bond film ,assuming there always is a new bond film ,probley the pianos will have coke a cola stickers by then....and on home lasting impression of london ,isnt nottingham nice....
into luton g thurs ,yesyerday saw raj being verballey threatened and abused by a poker stranger who apart from the abuse and makeing himself look like a pratt used the words ....dont you know how much i spend here ....
couldnt help myself ,when all had blown over i consoled raj with a few words after her ordeal and told her ...thet i had sean the guy ranting at her and had thought about rushing over but felt that it would have onley inflamed the sittuation....also that it looked like the guy was doing okay and didnt need my help .....raj gave me one of her far away looks ......
so its all out to win the poker league now of the top 8 runners who ever gets the next win will seal the deal i think
good crac at the dealers choice comp last night also ,would be good if it catches on .......

[china mug]

didnt manage to win the poker league ...sigh....flonce....o well back to the drawing board ....i think i will consontrate on the worth while tourneys and not get sucked into the league nonscence ....it realey knackers you out and isnt worth the agg .....well not when you dont win it it isnt.....
cant wait for the nigel secret sex tapes to go public...come on you chunkies....

as a idea how about a load of blondes having a meal for christmas at luton g ,timed right we might get in on there cheap menu on a night that theres a game on ...
who would be up for it and how would we organise it.....

[china mug]

edditorial correction....nigela sex tapes
honest
and back to whos up for a xmas nosh up at luton g ....i cant believe that a load of ageing old lags that have one sole pleasure in life of rubbing each other down and up will realey want to miss out on useing the pretence of a xmas get together for the purpose giveing that extra super rub to the ones they stare about.....
we spend half our lives in poker establshments or traveling to them we bond with a group of familars and have some good times together ,not always at nandos.we tell jokes often to the rib splitting enjoyment of the gathered group and we all rumournate about this one or that one on tv or at the vic who has had it away large time.......and how we secretley wish to be that most envied player.......then we post on here to make our selves look superior with little put downs and sarcasims........
............................bloody hell thats like being married ....and then one of the most respected and well licked members of blonde suggests that we should have a sit down meal before a game af luton and we dont grab at the chance,but rather think of posting a what we percive as a witasism such as .......beep beep beep toms xmas dinner bus reversing back into garage......
for shame
for shame ,ps red wine will be available and the wearing of stripey tops is allowed........

so when to have this meal.....around the 16 december i think
who wants to come
i will post this suggestion on the lounge

[david3103]

edditorial correction....nigela sex tapes

[china mug]

looks like i will have to start a rumour that theres a free ticket for the gukpt for the first person that posts they would be intereasted in a xmas do at luton g on 16 december....at luton g.....
but im not going to lower myself to such transprentley low bribery,and in any case kyle moogue or mick jagger who have already said they will attend are such lucky fishes they will probley win it..........