An account of Jeeves' trip to Las Vegas latterly in the service of Mr tikay.

[stumpythefish]

excellent im going to rip my table a new arsehole

[MereNovice]

Fine work Jeeves.

[atdc21]

Brilliant.

[Jeeves]

Bang!

The door to the Rio Suite crashed open

Wallop!

An I-Pad and Mobile phone landed on the perspex table top, with force

My master, it appeared, was at the Limit stud of his tether.

He sat down and I prepared to listen to a now all too familiar diatribe. I went into mental "power down" mode and prepared for my own game of "tikay Bingo"

My mental Bingo table reads as follows

Concrete-Bring-In-Gulch-Latte

Complete-Train-Downtown-Ante

Scoop- Arsehole-Thewy- Muffin

Omaha-Limit-Rain-Beetroot


As soon as I complete a horizontal, vertical or diagonal line of four in my head, I know to interrupt and change the subject.

Today's line took under a minute as he took umbrage at the doctrines of a game called Limit Stud, a game I only knew from long nights in Peppermints but I guessed that the context of the word Stud was different

We readied for our new night-time routine. A British player named after Barney the dinosaur and similarly aged to My Master had won a bracelet, which sounded a bit effeminate to me but was apparently much prized in poker circles, and now before bed I had to load the National anthem onto I-Tunes and play it to My Master. Clearly a near pensioner scooping had energised my Master into believing that yes, it really could be him.

As the Henry Carey lyrics, sang by Emelie Sande (we cannot even escape her in Las Vegas) begin over the speakers, My Master stands reverentially and respectfully, often the beginnings of a patriotic tear in his right eye.

After the first night, where I carried on with the first line of the second verse "O Lord our God arise," and then once complete recited the verse the anthem is based on in Latin

 " O Deus optime
    Salvum nunc facito
    Regem nostrum;
    Sic laeta victoria
    Comes et gloria
    Salvum jam facito
    Tu dominum"

..I was met with such a withering look that I have desisted since. I suspect My Master does not like a smart-arse, merely ripping a new smart-arsehole on a daily basis on the felt.

National anthem and bathroom ablutions complete, I am then instructed to softly sing a lullaby while the chapter of the latest book "Rainfall-Runoff Modelling, what to do if you need an Umbrella in Las Vegas" is read

Not exactly a best-seller, but it keeps my Master calm.

So I clear my throat, and to the only tune I could think of when put on the spot a few nights ago, I begin

"It's only a game sir, you'll put up a real good fight....you are going to be scooping them tonight..you've paid for the game so, you'd better believe you're right...you are going to be scooping them scooping them tonight."

On first rendition this was met with a raised eyebrow and a curl of Master's top lip, but I was not told to stop and nightly since it has lulled master to his slumber, at which point I pop "Pompeii" by Bastille onto my headphones and write Master's blog for upload onto Sky Poke'sr, Big Breaks for octogenarian presenters, website

Under two weeks to go, and the colossal task of solving my Master's inferiority complex ahead of the Main Event awaits...

[edgascoigne]

Incredible tekkers. Best yet?

[RED-DOG]

Incredible tekkers. Best yet?

They're all the best yet.

[edgascoigne]

Incredible tekkers. Best yet?

They're all the best yet.

A very fair point indeed.

[Jeeves]

My Master was on early morning reveille in the Media centre, and I was on security duty, keeping out the riff and the raff of Vegas detritus from disturbing him getting involved in forum bickering in which there were no winners

My attention was distracted, and a small terrier like man on the verge of puberty and with girlish hair rushed under my rope barrier and moved towards My Master

As I rushed back, pepper spray at ready, My Master put his palm up to indicate all was well, and the young man sat down

I hovered a pace away.

"Why eye man, I'm playing a tournament today lie the Maine bent. Great clock like the mane vent. Yous in?"

My Master looked at me. I shrugged. Perhaps the man was from Wisconscin

My Master looked at the young man

"I'm sorry, you'll have to repeat that. Didn't understand a word"

"Soz teeks, yous reminder mu din't yous? Padpick Loapard. Plinop"

"Sorry, again?"

The man was by now getting frustrated, and he raised himself with help of a cushion to a height equal to the table top

He tried again

"Yessirduy tikay. Had 30. 90 would have been huge at this point on great table

Muppet hasn't stopped fist pumping andncelebreaingnstood up for last 6 minutes.

Joke tilted, had chipped up decent early. Then Busted 30th. 27 paid

Jammed 10bbs with k2 villain tank calls ak bvb lawl"

I decided to intervene and handed the young man a piece of paper and a pen, told him to write it down but by now his notoriously low attention span had wandered and from his bag he took out a telephone headset and began "podcasting". Or "pudcysting" as he called it

We both looked on blankly, and when he began talking to gborotaypaurmoorman1 we both backed away, on tiptoes, not wanting to disturb him in the absence of an interpreter.

tikay muttered to me "I wonder if he knows mondatoo?" but I only caught part of what he said and there followed a tetchy argument about cockatoos in Vegas.

Some time later I followed tikay round the $5000 NLHE WSOP event field. Me with camera, him with index digit pointing frequently and regally

"Jeeves. Alterman. Picture."

"Jeeves. La Coren. Picture" followed sotto voce by "Lovely Jeeves, just lovely"   My pictures had never been complimented so

"Jeevs. Black. Picture" So I turned the flash off

"Jeeves. Trigg. Picture"

and on it went. I returned to the suite to work on Master's to do list.

On a yellow post it note I wrote, in italics

PM replies

Diary Questions

Twitter comments

Blogs

Business e-Mails

and added a motivational comment at the bottom "Time to get back on the bike. Holiday is ending. Its time for work. Sir"

This was not in italics, but was in bold

I busied myself ironing Sky Poker, holiday Sagas for Limited poker players, polo shirts ready for the arrival of the cameraman and waiting for Master's return from the poker floor......
   

[bobAlike]

As Eddie Stobart said "Delivery is everything" and, Jeeves, you deliver.

[tikay]

Truly, Jeeves, the Pleno section must be the best ever.

[cambridgealex]

LAWL @ pleno post

[booder]

Padpick Loapard. Plinop


 

[FUN4FRASER]

My Master was on early morning reveille in the Media centre, and I was on security duty, keeping out the riff and the raff of Vegas detritus from disturbing him getting involved in forum bickering in which there were no winners

My attention was distracted, and a small terrier like man on the verge of puberty and with girlish hair rushed under my rope barrier and moved towards My Master

As I rushed back, pepper spray at ready, My Master put his palm up to indicate all was well, and the young man sat down

I hovered a pace away.

"Why eye man, I'm playing a tournament today lie the Maine bent. Great clock like the mane vent. Yous in?"

My Master looked at me. I shrugged. Perhaps the man was from Wisconscin

My Master looked at the young man

"I'm sorry, you'll have to repeat that. Didn't understand a word"

"Soz teeks, yous reminder mu din't yous? Padpick Loapard. Plinop"

"Sorry, again?"

The man was by now getting frustrated, and he raised himself with help of a cushion to a height equal to the table top

He tried again

"Yessirduy tikay. Had 30. 90 would have been huge at this point on great table

Muppet hasn't stopped fist pumping andncelebreaingnstood up for last 6 minutes.

Joke tilted, had chipped up decent early. Then Busted 30th. 27 paid

Jammed 10bbs with k2 villain tank calls ak bvb lawl"

I decided to intervene and handed the young man a piece of paper and a pen, told him to write it down but by now his notoriously low attention span had wandered and from his bag he took out a telephone headset and began "podcasting". Or "pudcysting" as he called it

We both looked on blankly, and when he began talking to gborotaypaurmoorman1 we both backed away, on tiptoes, not wanting to disturb him in the absence of an interpreter.

tikay muttered to me "I wonder if he knows mondatoo?" but I only caught part of what he said and there followed a tetchy argument about cockatoos in Vegas.

Some time later I followed tikay round the $5000 NLHE WSOP event field. Me with camera, him with index digit pointing frequently and regally

"Jeeves. Alterman. Picture."

"Jeeves. La Coren. Picture" followed sotto voce by "Lovely Jeeves, just lovely"   My pictures had never been complimented so

"Jeevs. Black. Picture" So I turned the flash off

"Jeeves. Trigg. Picture"

and on it went. I returned to the suite to work on Master's to do list.

On a yellow post it note I wrote, in italics

PM replies

Diary Questions

Twitter comments

Blogs

Business e-Mails

and added a motivational comment at the bottom "Time to get back on the bike. Holiday is ending. Its time for work. Sir"

This was not in italics, but was in bold

I busied myself ironing Sky Poker, holiday Sagas for Limited poker players, polo shirts ready for the arrival of the cameraman and waiting for Master's return from the poker floor......
   

So So Good   

[Karabiner]

Having got to the end of my lengthy list of superlatives I will will have to begin again.

Absolutely superb Jeeves.

[rfgqqabc]

Quality of gborotaypaurmoorman1 is very good too. Jeeves is such a boss.