Degenerate Diaries: The Chronicles Pt. 2

[BMoney]

I don't normally comment, but I couldn't resist - absolutely brilliant.

[cambridgealex]

I don't normally comment, but I couldn't resist - absolutely brilliant.

welcome to the house of fun

[zerofive]

I don't normally comment, but I couldn't resist - absolutely brilliant.

welcome to the house of fun

[david3103]

A Queen And Another Queen: A Short Story By A Dejected Degenerate

Once upon a cash game lively, while I pondered like Phil Ivey,
Over many a stale and stagnant starting hand I would ignore,
While I watched the bad regs limping, suddenly there came an inkling,
For one second I was thinking, thinking I should make it more,
"I would like to raise," I muttered, grabbed my chips and raised to £4,
"Only this and nothing more."

Distinctly I remember, 'twas the downswing of September,
And one fish in this hand was rendered helpless but to make the call,
I double checked my pocket queens, and forwards I began to lean,
Heads up to the flop it seems, to the flop of Jack Ten Four,
As I made the bet he raised me, thinking he was on a draw,
I asked the dealer, "how much more?"

He informed me it was twenty, though I thought that this was plenty,
It would seem like such a shame if I couldn't get it all.
I asked how much he had back, he revealed the size of his stack,
There were chips both red and black, £135 was what I saw,
We got it in, he binked an ace, to complete his broadway draw,
Vomit lashed across the floor.

Needs a musical background - probably 'Beat Poem' style

a la

[kinboshi]

The best posts on blonde by far.

A+++  will read again.

[zerofive]

I took the night off last night. Writing poems is apparently exhausting.

Seriously, though, does anyone else find they're absolutely shattered after a losing session? I get the same feeling as when I wake up with a cold, and my first thought is, "did I get hit by a bus..?" Probably a not altogether dissimilar feeling to a hangover, and sometimes I could swear "I'm never playing poker again," until four hours later when I've had my lunch and exactly how bad the bad regs are comes flooding back to me. Not to be disrespectful, of course; I've read Alex's diary. I don't think a disclaimer is required for an audience of readers that could fit around my parents' dinner table, though.

The above poem was not entirely accurate, I did take some license. It was brilliant though. I should have posted it on Alex's or Rich's diary so someone would actually see it. The point being was that it was 4bet pre and we got the rest in on the flop. £380~ pot, QQ < KQ on J T 4. River aceball. Slowrolled me as well.

A couple of nights back, I had the against my friend and fellow reg Paul. Now he'd seen something on a £1/2 table at Dusk that he wanted to imitate, and he butchered it. I hope for his sake, he never watches Jackass. We 5bet get it in pre after a load of limpers put a bunch of dead money in the pot. I asked him if he wanted to run it twice, and he asked me what I had. When I told him QQ, he was very happy to run it twice. First board comes , I glanced over and he nodded, "that one's mine." The second board ran out . He immediately starts apologising, and says "I was just messing around, but then I got there..." and flips for three quarters.

If I have any regular readers, you're probably aghast at how frequently I have queens. I don't think there's a trip report that doesn't include them. The two biggest pots I've played since I started poker as my main income have been a loss with QQ and a loss with KK. And my two biggest pots as a recreational player were the same. Seeing as we want dejection in this thread, I might post more about these sometime. I just know how tedious bad beat stories are. Either way, I'm likely to start limp-folding/limp-calling JJ+ as I'm starting to agree with the idiots that make my skin crawl when they quote the age old adage, "you either win a small pot or lose a big one."

Anyway, I tapped all this up before I had my coffee, so I apologise if I counteracted the stimulant effect of yours. Off to Costa, then off to Dusk to play the £150 side. Peace.

[kinboshi]

Start calling them 'closet queens' and you'll start winning with them.

[Eso Kral]

After I turned broadway in the second hand of the night and doubled up, the topic of age came up in conversation. Allow me to best explain the segue: "must be nice" -> "do you want to crossbook?" -> "we can't play games like that, we all have children/a mortgage apart from Sean" -> "Sean doesn't have kids? How old is he?" For those of you who don't know, I'm 23. Barely legal. However, after getting the table in question to guess how old I was, it was revealed that my perceived age range is between 29 and 36. That's a deviation of around 55%. What in the world is going on?

Even though I'm keeping one mind's eye open for signs of being middle-aged, a lot was revealed in my morning grocery shop. First of all, I woke up and immediately thought about Yorkshire tea. But that's not uncommon, right? Not many people on this forum are morning people, we need caffeine to function, it's only a natural human response to get excited about the consumption of a necessity. Then I brought in my mail, clutching my back as I bent over to pick it up. My bank are offering me several pension plans. That's fine. The idea is to start planning for being old, before you're old, no need to worry... So I'm getting in my car to drive down to Tesco, and it suddenly occurred to me that I can't get in or out of a chair without groaning. Then I popped a CD in the stereo (because I can't keep up with kids and their mp3 players - hey, at least I didn't slip in a cassette. Or a vinyl.) and before I know it, I'm cranking up the volume and singing along to Eric Clapton. And reminiscing about how inexpensive petrol was "in my day." I actually said "oooh," when I found a banana loaf in the bargain bin. All of a sudden, 36 doesn't seem like such a ludicrous guess. As soon as a got home, I took a look in the mirror, and apparently my hairline was so frightened by the middle aged monster that stood before it that it backpedaled half way up my scalp. Oh well, at least now I have that forehead that I was so lacking as a teenager.

Anyway, I'm off to pour myself a glass of prune juice, soak my feet in some warm salty water, and fall asleep drooling in front on the television, before I drop my grandchildren off at football practice and my wife off at aerobics. Old money in spandex. Just thinking about it makes me wish I could still get an erection. Peace.

Just read this   excellent   my fav dairy on Blonde 
Gl today m8

[Pinchop73]

Like I told you Fri night Shaun, I've really enjoyed reading this thread, as it's so similar to my poker regime.

And yes, having just woken up from a brutal 0-1 fight with mr.variance, I feel like shit too.

[smashedagain]

After I turned broadway in the second hand of the night and doubled up, the topic of age came up in conversation. Allow me to best explain the segue: "must be nice" -> "do you want to crossbook?" -> "we can't play games like that, we all have children/a mortgage apart from Sean" -> "Sean doesn't have kids? How old is he?" For those of you who don't know, I'm 23. Barely legal. However, after getting the table in question to guess how old I was, it was revealed that my perceived age range is between 29 and 36. That's a deviation of around 55%. What in the world is going on?

Even though I'm keeping one mind's eye open for signs of being middle-aged, a lot was revealed in my morning grocery shop. First of all, I woke up and immediately thought about Yorkshire tea. But that's not uncommon, right? Not many people on this forum are morning people, we need caffeine to function, it's only a natural human response to get excited about the consumption of a necessity. Then I brought in my mail, clutching my back as I bent over to pick it up. My bank are offering me several pension plans. That's fine. The idea is to start planning for being old, before you're old, no need to worry... So I'm getting in my car to drive down to Tesco, and it suddenly occurred to me that I can't get in or out of a chair without groaning. Then I popped a CD in the stereo (because I can't keep up with kids and their mp3 players - hey, at least I didn't slip in a cassette. Or a vinyl.) and before I know it, I'm cranking up the volume and singing along to Eric Clapton. And reminiscing about how inexpensive petrol was "in my day." I actually said "oooh," when I found a banana loaf in the bargain bin. All of a sudden, 36 doesn't seem like such a ludicrous guess. As soon as a got home, I took a look in the mirror, and apparently my hairline was so frightened by the middle aged monster that stood before it that it backpedaled half way up my scalp. Oh well, at least now I have that forehead that I was so lacking as a teenager.

Anyway, I'm off to pour myself a glass of prune juice, soak my feet in some warm salty water, and fall asleep drooling in front on the television, before I drop my grandchildren off at football practice and my wife off at aerobics. Old money in spandex. Just thinking about it makes me wish I could still get an erection. Peace.

Just read this   excellent   my fav dairy on Blonde 
Gl today m8

its my second tbh. alex n cos have some serious competition and unless one catches vd and the other does his roll in the next 6 months then your diarys take some beating.. great work from all four of you tho.

[zerofive]

After I turned broadway in the second hand of the night and doubled up, the topic of age came up in conversation. Allow me to best explain the segue: "must be nice" -> "do you want to crossbook?" -> "we can't play games like that, we all have children/a mortgage apart from Sean" -> "Sean doesn't have kids? How old is he?" For those of you who don't know, I'm 23. Barely legal. However, after getting the table in question to guess how old I was, it was revealed that my perceived age range is between 29 and 36. That's a deviation of around 55%. What in the world is going on?

Even though I'm keeping one mind's eye open for signs of being middle-aged, a lot was revealed in my morning grocery shop. First of all, I woke up and immediately thought about Yorkshire tea. But that's not uncommon, right? Not many people on this forum are morning people, we need caffeine to function, it's only a natural human response to get excited about the consumption of a necessity. Then I brought in my mail, clutching my back as I bent over to pick it up. My bank are offering me several pension plans. That's fine. The idea is to start planning for being old, before you're old, no need to worry... So I'm getting in my car to drive down to Tesco, and it suddenly occurred to me that I can't get in or out of a chair without groaning. Then I popped a CD in the stereo (because I can't keep up with kids and their mp3 players - hey, at least I didn't slip in a cassette. Or a vinyl.) and before I know it, I'm cranking up the volume and singing along to Eric Clapton. And reminiscing about how inexpensive petrol was "in my day." I actually said "oooh," when I found a banana loaf in the bargain bin. All of a sudden, 36 doesn't seem like such a ludicrous guess. As soon as a got home, I took a look in the mirror, and apparently my hairline was so frightened by the middle aged monster that stood before it that it backpedaled half way up my scalp. Oh well, at least now I have that forehead that I was so lacking as a teenager.

Anyway, I'm off to pour myself a glass of prune juice, soak my feet in some warm salty water, and fall asleep drooling in front on the television, before I drop my grandchildren off at football practice and my wife off at aerobics. Old money in spandex. Just thinking about it makes me wish I could still get an erection. Peace.

Just read this   excellent   my fav dairy on Blonde 
Gl today m8

its my second tbh. alex n cos have some serious competition and unless one catches vd and the other does his roll in the next 6 months then your diarys take some beating.. great work from all four of you tho.

Thanks Rich and Jason for your kind words. Will keep you updated on my genital hygiene as well as my monthly progress Herbie.

[zerofive]

Just crushed the first of many marathon Monopoly sessions. Commiserations to cambridgealex, JK, BMoney, and everyone's favourite non-Blonde: Andy Creasey. Got out of a ridiculous hole after going broke blocking the yellow Monopoly, and someone picked up the green set from JK and binked three consecutive orbits to clean out the table. Would like to apply the same tekkers to the Gala session to which this post precedes. See if we can't post out first win in September.

[JK]

Definately didnt go broke in like the 4th orbit after having landed on Beths Whitechapel hotel 3 times in a row...

[Sulphur man]

Sean i would like to get your opinion on why its a bad idea to tap the tank/feed the fish. A little random
but recently i have had strong urges to do these things even though i understand not to. Ego maybe!

Well done on the Monopoly crush i have a freind who is really good at the game he seems to constantly win.
Will have to challenge him then come and have a game with you boys.

[BMoney]

I should have won that Monopoly game. I understand the paradox, but I would've won had Jamie not gone broke to me.