Bawling outta control
So it's been a rough month. I was feeling on top of the world at the end of January, and right now I honestly can't remember feeling worse. I know it's pathetic, but I spent the car ride home last night with tears in my eyes. I think that's what happens when morale reaches 0%. It all started with my ridiculous exit from the deepstack, where the whaletard peels 53o out the small playing 15bb and gets there the hard way on J 4 2 against my AJ. I was annoyed at the time, but whatever, poker doesn't exist without these idiots. Then the next two days on the cash tables were just brutal. KK < KQ, KQ < KQ, AQ < KQ, AQ < AT, then a ridiculous hand where I checkraise jam QJ on 10 8 4 against some mental aggro kid, pretty much for value and some other spaz comes along and wins at showdown with KJ. Let me remind you of the board in this hand 10 - 8 - 4. No kings there, no jacks, no draws for which a king or a jack could hope to improve upon. Just one complete moron with a bunch of my money.
So that was the first weekend of the month, plenty of time to turn it around. Winning a bag in a £1/2 helped, until I got coolered twice for half of that. It looked like I was finally going to find a winning session at the end of last weekend, but I KQ < AK on K high for a little bit and KK < AA pre for the rest. Standard.
Then after that I don't remember winning a session, or really even winning a hand. It came to a peak the last couple of days where I had a table at Gala full of mental children just trying to give it away. They were 5betting allin with QTo because "what choice do I have?" Wow. Lock the doors. So this kid raises with the double straddle on, I call with A4 in position with what is undoubtedly the best hand, we pick up someone else and go three ways to
. He reaches for £36 and then checks, so I look at him for a moment and announce "thirty six." I see something in him click, I know as soon as villain 2 folds, this kid is jamming for about £170. Villain 2 folds, kid jams. CALL IMMEDIATELY.
on the turn and he shows the four high flush. No justice pair up and he drags the pot, which he sprays off to the rest of the table within an orbit. Got KQ against some fishbowl as well where I made the easiest call of my life on K 6 2 when he tried the check-huge overbet line with the jack high flush draw and, to the surprise of nobody at the table, makes the flush.
The night before last, we were losing a small amount because in keeping with the theme of the entire month - in close decisions, villain always seemed to have the very top of his range. Bottom two < top and bottom etc. Then we get 33 in a five way pot, it come the
, and we bet £18 into £30. Villain makes it £20 more, I make it another £26 to induce the shove and he accomodates to the tune of £160 or so. The
peels off on the turn and I'm already counting out what I owe him, when the 9 pairs on the river. Before I can announce "full house," he's taken the words out of my mouth and I had this jarring moment of simultaneous relief and anguish as I realise I have the nut low house and still need to dish some chips out. I went for a walk, came back and picked up KK. I raised behind two limpers and everyone folded. What the fuck is this? Where are my massive pots and nut houses? Why does a massive pair either drop me 3 buyins or net me £4? Whatever, I threw my cards in the air in an embarrassingly childish fashion and just marched towards the cash desk.
So last night, again felt like it might finally be the win I've been looking for. Was making some value hands, which as usual, were not getting paid off. Made quads on 9 7 7 6 7 but nobody had anything so got one whole street of value. Made a house with KK on 2 2 6 7 K where the flush completes on the river, villain folds and I get one street again. Made three tens on K T T with the T8s and when I bet, the most anybody can give me credit for is "probably Q9 at best lol," but apparently nobody could beat that and everybody folded again. I clearly have the image of a maniac, why the fuck can't I get paid one fucking time. One hand I did get action on, to be fair, was when I raise £7 behind the straddle with 55, Alex 3b to £18, one caller, I obviously complete. K 5 4, I check and it checks round. K on the turn, I bet £33, Alex calls, fish calls. The 4 pairs on the river and before I can open fold, the fish jams the lot in and all that lovely money gets shipped to a different home. He wastes no time giving it back to everybody else though.
Moved tables after I bricked with
on
against top set. Got a 3bet in with KK, but it came ace high and A2 and A2 chopped the pot. Got QQ against Nik
tigh4better weirdspazzypeeler Flanagan in a 3bet pot which obviously came ace high, we did another bet-fold. Then got it in with AK against AA, where the runout requires me to have just about any other value hand to win the pot, K J T 9 8 with four hearts. I was surprised for the guy when he dragged the pot. Then it dawned on me. It was 4.30 in the morning, I was MISERABLE, I'd spent the month LOSING MONEY and this is supposed to be what I do for a LIVING. Literally what am I doing with my life? I can't find the energy to get to the gym because all I want to do is lie in bed and eat takeaway pizza. Just feel like I'm existing. I exist to lose money. I wake up, eat food, wait for the casino to open, lose money, go home. Repeat until broke.
Hopefully I can work a deal out with someone, because I literally can't play unless I can. Might have to get a job as well in case I carry on losing, cause even if I'm losing someone else's money I'm not making any of my own. I'll consider it one of those fun crossroads.
Unlikely to be playing March.
Morale: 1%
So sick.
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